28: How to Overcome the Fear & Uncertainty of Your Next Steps with Katerina Eleftheriou

At some point in our lives, many of us feel lost, confused, or indecisive about our next steps on our life's journey. In this episode, I talk with guest, Katerina Eleftheriou (@katerinawrites), about overcoming fear and uncertainty of your next steps. We discuss people pleasing, what to do when you feel lost and indecisive, why action is often the best next step, and overcoming fears of content creation.

This post contains affiliate links to some of my favorite tools and resources. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Full terms & conditions here.

Episode References:

• Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts by Brene Brown

• THERAPY RESOURCES

  • Psychology Today

  • Therapy Den

  • Therapy Aid (low cost therapy for essential workers, and a few other qualifying groups)

  • Open Path Collective

  • Check out my Instagram Post for Questions When Interviewing a Therapist

Learn More About Katerina Eleftheriou:

Katerina is a writer and digital creator based in Toronto, Canada. Her online platform is a space for her to share her thoughts on life and the creative journey. All her work comes from the deep desire to learn as much as she can and synthesize that information for others who might be struggling on their own journeys. She considers herself a storyteller through and through and strives to create content that she hopes can inspire others by showing them that they aren’t alone in their experiences, even if it might feel that way sometimes.

Timestamps:

• 0:00 Intro 

• 29:52 Listener Question 1

• 48:28 Listener Question 2

Connect with Katerina:

• TikTok: @katerinawrites

• Instagram: @katerinawritesxo

• YouTube: KaterinaWrites

• Or check out her website: https://katerinawrites.com/

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• Episode Transcript

  This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Otter. Please forgive any typos or errors.

  Amanda Durocher 0:00

  Welcome to New View Advice, a safe place for you to ask your most vulnerable questions about life, relationships, healing, and so much more. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I believe our fears and traumas are often what holds us back from living life to the fullest. Join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever is holding you back from being your best self. Let's get started. Hello, and welcome to New View Advice. My name is Amanda Durocher and I'm your host. If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast. And what I mean by that is this is a podcast where my intention is to guide you on your healing journey and to offer you advice on how to connect back to yourself and how to take those steps forward in order to be your best self. I'm a strong believer that you have all the answers you seek. You just may need a little guidance along the way. So I'm very excited that today I have a guest for today's episode. Today's guest is Katerina Eleftheriou and we will be discussing overcoming the fears of your next steps which include overcoming fears of people pleasing what that means. We also discuss how to handle feeling lost what to do when you feel indecisive and overcoming fears of content creation. So I am really excited for this episode. If you are unfamiliar with Katerina I just quickly wanted to read you her bio. Katarina is a writer in digital creator based in Toronto, Canada, her online platform is a space for her to share her thoughts on life and the creative journey. All her work comes from the deep desire to learn as much as she can and synthesize the information for others who might be struggling on their own journeys. She considers herself a storyteller through and through and strives to create content that she hopes can inspire others by showing them that they aren't alone in their experiences, even if it might feel that way sometimes. So actually found Katarina through Tiktok so she's on Tik Tok at Katarina writes, she's also on Instagram at Katarina writes, and on Tik Tok. She does short little videos about lessons from her personal development journey. And I came across her Tiktok one day and I was like, this woman is fabulous, I need to connect with her. And when I received the questions we'll be discussing in this episode, I knew Katerina would be able to offer her wisdom in regards to these questions and be able to offer such a helpful perspective. And I will say that she did not disappoint. I am so excited for you to listen to this episode. And I'm so grateful for Katerina coming on and sharing with us about her own personal development journey and offering some practical tips about overcoming your fears of your next step. So without further ado, let's jump on into today's episode. I hope you enjoy

  Amanda Durocher 2:50

  today I have Katerina Eleftheriou with me today. And today we are talking about overcoming fear and uncertainty when taking our next steps. I know that this is so common in my life that when I'm coming up against something new change, I have the fear of moving forward come up for me all the time. So today we're going to talk a bit about that. And we're also going to answer a few questions. So hi, Katerina, thank you so much for being here.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 3:18

  Hi. Thanks for having me. Very excited for this episode

  Amanda Durocher 3:21

  v two, I think it's going to be great discussion. My first question for you is I just was wondering if you could just tell everybody a bit about yourself, and how you began your own personal development journey?

  Katerina Eleftheriou 3:32

  Sure. Yeah. So I am a writer, I consider myself a writer primarily. And that's kind of my journey is a creative journey. And right now I'm very much leaning into that. And you probably have seen me on Instagram on Tik Tok under the name Katarina writes, where I give advice based on my personal growth, personal development journey. And that for me, began a couple of years ago, around 26, when I decided to finally take the plunge and go to therapy, which is something that I had been wanting to do for a very long time. But again, there was a fear there that held me back. And it was when I finally decided to just go through with it, that things started kind of falling into place for me. And my life began to change sometimes in bad ways, but sometimes in good ways, change that had to happen. And so all the stuff that I've learned throughout those years, and all the information I've gained, and the revelations I've had for myself, I'm now putting into my creative work. And it seems to be really resonating with people because a lot of people are, you know, they're following me. They're messaging me, they're interacting with me. And obviously, I've made it on this podcast because my message has reached my target audience. And yeah, so that's pretty much the journey I'm on now. It's just all the information I've compiled. I'm now sharing for anyone who needs that.

  Amanda Durocher 4:49

  I love that and I found you on Tik Tok. I came across one of your videos one day and I was like, I love this woman. And then I like scrolled through the videos. And I was like I would love to connect with you and Then when I received some questions that we're going to discuss today, I was like, Oh my gosh, Katherine would be perfect for this episode. So I'm so glad you're here. I love that you brought up therapy, because I feel like that was, for me the beginning of my personal development journey to my healing journey. For me, I went to therapy, I considered the first time I went to therapy when I was in high school. But I really believe when you go to therapy, you have to choose to go to therapy. So my mom picked up my therapist, you know, it was like, my mom and her kind of like were complaining about what was going on with me where it didn't feel like a safe place. So when I went in my 20s, I went after my friend died for the first time, it was a very different experience for me. And it was when I thought I was just there to talk about grief. And it was like, oh, no, I just opened the rabbit hole of like, who is Amanda? And that's when I really started to dive into so many aspects of myself.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 5:56

  Yeah, you're definitely right about choosing to go you have to be, you have to kind of be cold to that journey. And you have to decide to embark on it, it can't be decided for you. And I learned that not only for my own journey, but with the people in my life. I've tried to get my ex partner to go to therapy, and he didn't. And it's just I realized, like, I couldn't force somebody to go, even though I knew would help. Who would help a lot. It's something you'd have to choose for yourself. And I'm learning that every day. And you it's just you can't change the way someone wants to interact in the world, even if it's not how you see their potential going. So yeah, just like you I'm glad I finally made the decision to actually just like commit to it.

  Amanda Durocher 6:40

  Yeah, you talk so much about this is just coming to mind right now you talk so much about people pleasing. When you went to therapy for the first time. Were you there being like, I'm a people pleaser, I need help, or did you discover through therapy that you were a people pleaser?

  Katerina Eleftheriou 6:56

  So that's actually a really good question. So the reason I actually even finally made the plunge into therapy, even though I was like very much urge to go for years before that, not really sure why, but I just therapy just seemed to be what was calling to me. But I just had to finally go when. And I've mentioned this in some of my videos already. When I was dating my partner who was with her seven years, he got a job overseas in the UK. And I was to go with him. And it was a big transition. For me, it was a big decision to move, you know, across the country where I don't have friends or family. And so I was very, I was very stressed out at the decision. Even though I wanted to go, I was really like, I don't know, I just felt uncertain a lot of the time. And so that's what kind of pushed me to go to therapy because of how stressed I was about it. Right. And in that immediately I realized like, oh, the reason I feel like this is because I am pleasing him like I am doing this, even if there is a bit of me that wants to do it, it is primarily for him. And then that opened up the door for me to really see how much of my life all the decisions I've made up until then, were to please others. And how all of that cultivated and created who I was at that point like I was there as a source of of pleasure, quote, unquote, and in various ways to the people in my life. And that was just my identity. And so diving into that. And starting in therapy with that, I really had to strip away that identity. And because I've gone through that I know how hard it is. And that's why I talk about it so much. Because it's like you can't separate people pleasing from every other difficulty or struggle you're having with your personal growth journey. It is very much rooted at the center of it.

  Amanda Durocher 8:38

  Yeah, I love that. When I went to therapy, it was just it was different because I had a similar the call because my friend had recently died. But when my friend died, it was like the visual I got when I was thinking about this earlier was I was sitting in a dark room, and all of a sudden the lights got turned on. And the room was a fucking mess. I was like, where am I sitting? I hate it here. It's messy. It's dirty. The glass is like on the Windows is broken. And it was like, how did I get here and I had the realization I felt coming where it was like, I have done everything in my life to make other people happy. And that's how I got here. And I am miserable. And I haven't done anything for myself ever. You know, like that's how it felt. And so I thought that was gonna be such an easy thing to fix. Just funny because it's very not it's very long term journey, you know, unwinding codependency the people pleasing. It's, it just takes time and practice, you know, to start showing up in a new way. For me, I chose to basically I had the realization I went to therapy and I was like, I'm gonna move to Los Angeles and I'm going to be an entirely new person. You know, I moved to Los Angeles, but I went with me, right, I thought I was gonna move to LA. Yeah, and I was gonna be totally new person and it's like, no, I followed myself there. You And that's when I really started to dive in deeper.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 10:02

  Yeah. Well, I'm sorry to hear about your friend about that happening. Because I can only imagine that being very traumatic at a young age, right? It's interesting. I just, I want to know, what was it about that specifically, that led you to realize that you were a people pleaser? Like, what about that experience? Well,

  Amanda Durocher 10:19

  so when my friend died, I was like, I knew something was wrong. Well, I felt like something was wrong with me. Because when he died, my reaction was, I wish I had died. Like you left me here. And my life sucks. And everybody keeps telling me that you're in a better place? Well, what about me trusting I'm not in a better place. And I started to think to myself, like, how did I get here that it feels this low. And then it was like, I was in a job that I was basically, you know, I was like, told you had to go corporate, I'd got a major because it was this is a major you can make money in, I went to the college my parents wanted me to. And it was just like, all the decisions that had led me there in my young adulthood. I was like, I didn't make any of these for myself. So that's why that led to that realization, but I didn't realize how deep it was. I just thought it was, Oh, these decisions. I was just trying to please others. And then it was it was through therapy, where I really learned, oh, I do this in my daily interactions. It's not just the big decisions. I lean on other people for I'm doing this just when I'm talking to people, too.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 11:23

  Yeah, yeah, it's on those micro decisions every single day. And that is, what was really transformative about my therapy was that my therapist first indicated that what I needed to do was start small, I had to start stating my difference in small ways, even just to myself. So going, she said, she would suggest going to like a coffee shop and seeing a dessert there and saying, Oh, I like that I don't like that, you know, and just getting an idea of who I actually am in relation to my desires and my dislikes, so that I can then start expressing it to other people, and then start moving with that energy. Because at that point, I didn't even know who I was, I didn't even know what I wanted. It was just whatever somebody else wanted, then, okay, I'll go with that. I'll go with the flow. Like, it was very emotionally flexible. And I know now, it is like a survival tactic for kids, especially in families where, you know, they have overbearing parents, or just the dynamic is very much like you have to kind of do what they want or go with them in order to feel emotionally secure, safe, whatever. And yeah, the small everyday occurrences is what was really transformative for me and my journey.

  Amanda Durocher 12:30

  Yeah, I love that. And I think that's great advice for people who feel uncertain about a lot of things, because I think that uncertainty arises for a lot of people. But I think when we get stuck in uncertainty, I think it's, I think we're always able to make decisions. And we have a question that's about feeling lost. But I just think that that's such a beautiful way to start. Being able to make decisions is just starting slowly and starting with yourself and really deciding those small choices.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 13:00

  Yeah. And also, you know, what can you be certain of the growth, the small stuff that you are actually certain about, and then we'll create a foundation for the bigger stuff that feels very uncertain now, but once you have that foundation, it will be easier, you will be a little bit more certain about who you are, what you want, and like how to move forward.

  Amanda Durocher 13:17

  Mm hmm. Yeah, I love that. Because I'm just thinking with myself, I just did the exact opposite. I went from following what everybody wanted. And I just completely pendulum swings, and was like, I'm moving to Los Angeles, I'm going to be an actress. I've never actually had a day in my life before. I felt like I was forcing my partner to move with me. I didn't force him. I really didn't. He made the choice but I really just uprooted our lives and was like we're living here now. And it was like the first time I started to do that.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 13:43

  Well, the same goes right like wherever you go, there you are. So it's like even just trying to change that the people pleasing is still there. Like it's still there. It's just hidden behind this big new decision that's like shiny new adventure. But it'll come to the surface eventually. Yeah,

  Amanda Durocher 14:01

  and a question I have for you is because you're a creative Have you always been a creative because for me when I was people pleaser, I never imagined being a creative like that came were when I was like a really big people pleaser because I'll be honest, like for anybody listening this still comes up for me it's not like yeah, it's not like I'm like totally not a people pleaser at all. It's really hard to I'm still afraid of letting people down you know, that's a big one.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 14:25

  Ya know, I've always been creative and I think that is maybe why I overcompensated a lot growing up for with people pleasing is because creativity in my family and like my, you know, general community was not very valued. You know, the idea of being an artist or being a writer or doing anything that involved that was seen as trivial and silly and like childish, right. So growing up, I started writing at a really young age, mostly as an escape. You know, because I was an only child I didn't really have many people in my life to spend time with so writing was that for me, and then When I went to university, I did a degree in English literature and classical civilizations and they just, I couldn't not do that at least like if I was gonna go and do the stuff like go to university do this and that that was part of the the societal process, you know, the expectation, I had to do that otherwise, I don't know how I would have survived. But again, then I think that people pleasing Another aspect is what compensated for that, right? Like, oh, if I am a creative and that's bad, then at least I can be good in this way I can be good and in how I interact with people, you know?

  Amanda Durocher 15:35

  Yeah, I feel that deeply. I still feel like that one comes up for me sometimes, the overcompensating, yeah, when I used to, I'm sober. I've been sober for a little over a year now. But when I was a drinker, I really dove into my people pleasing in the past year when I gave up alcohol because alcohol I didn't actually want to drink for a while when I was leading up to not drinking, but people pleasing was such a big part of my drinking. It was like, interest. I was like, Oh, these people want me to be drinking. I fit in when I drink. Oh, I'll have one more drink. Because they're having one more drink. We'll go to one more bar, because they're going to one more bar. Oh, that person just said something disrespectful to me. I'll just pick up a drink. And I'll just swallow it. And I'll smile and make a joke about it. It was like I was doing so many things I could tell made people in my life uncomfortable writing my podcast. Well, actually, I didn't have the podcast at the time. But my writing moving to LA but drinking made people comfortable. Like it made people comfortable with me. It made me I almost feel like when I drank I kind of went down a level and not saying that people who drink are down a level I brought myself down a level. Right? Because in the past year, when I gave up alcohol, I just show up differently in relationships. I show up as a as myself. And at first it was super scary. I didn't see people for three months when I went sober. I also didn't tell people I was giving up alcohol. I was like, Oh, I'm just not drinking today, because I was so afraid it was the people pleasing coming up. Yeah. And so it was through the last year that I really learned how to show up in relationships as myself and learn that there were people who left my life. But more often than not people met me at my new level. Yeah, I remember you talking about this on one of your podcast episodes, but it's like you were talking about it was sharing feelings. And we need to like respect people enough to share our feelings. They can handle them. And it was the same thing where I need to respect people enough to think that they can handle so reversion of myself. And I learned like, Oh, I was the one bringing myself down. Nobody else was really bringing me down.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 17:39

  Yeah, that's really interesting. Because yeah, I think, you know, alcohol is called a it's like a social lubricant. Right? It's to make things easier, make everyone more palatable, you get along a little bit better. And it makes sense that that's kind of like a crutch for you to kind of feel more easily digestible by the people around you. And so, yeah, cuz I remember when I was in the UK, big drinking culture there. And after being there for a few months, I just wanted to start I wanted to do a dry January, because we just didn't feel good after a while, right? drinking that much. And I remember how the people responded to me saying, like, No, I'm not going to drink like I would go to a pub, but I just wouldn't drink I would have like a Diet Coke or something. And the funniest thing is that I noticed that they were offended, as though I was that me. Yeah, like me not drinking somehow said something bad about them. And then it's like, okay, but that's not a me problem. Like, that's something you have an issue of with yourself. Like if you find this offensive, that you might have an issue with drinking that you aren't allowing yourself to think about, you know, yeah, no, that's very interesting. And I definitely understand that and understand why, you know, drinking is is such a sticky topic when it comes to relationships, especially like you've said,

  Amanda Durocher 18:54

  Yeah, I'm being reminded of when my tic tock because I did a tic tock about six months sobriety went viral. I mean, it was awful. It was an awful experience. Like I hated it. I thought I wanted to go viral on Tiktok I thought I wanted followers oh my god, did I touch a a sensitive toward by talking about sobriety and liking it? I received so much negative feedback now I'm pausing to say I received more positive feedback. The negative of course, it was probably like 95% Positive. But when you have like 1400 comments on like a video, I mean, there's there's some negative ones in there. And a lot of people Yeah, it was like they were offended that I could be happy, sober.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 19:42

  Yeah, how dare you be happy without having to use something to be happy with? Like, it is like a weird it's a weird idea for sure. And I see Yeah. And like people totally took it offensive towards them. Like, are you saying now that I can't be happy if I'm drinking? Like no, this is my journey. You know it doesn't it? really doesn't mean anything about you.

  Amanda Durocher 20:02

  Yeah, that just makes me laugh because it's just so true. It was like the experience that really taught me like, wow, people are just gonna like see you how ever they want to see you. Yeah. And you just have to show up anyway. Yeah,

  Katerina Eleftheriou 20:15

  I actually I just made a video about how there are some people out there who will make it their sole mission to misunderstand you. It doesn't matter what you say how you show up who you are, especially for people pleasers. Doesn't matter how much you try to bend or break yourself to fit that they will go out of their way to misunderstand you. And that at that point is not something you can control. Like, there's no point at that point. So you just might as well be who you are. Because if you're going to be misunderstood, regardless, why waste your time and your energy, right? Yeah, that

  Amanda Durocher 20:39

  reminds you of this girl, because one of my biggest people pleasing lessons was I learned through this. One woman who dated one of my friends and I would bend over backwards to get this woman to like me, well, there wasn't a single thing I could do. And I really had to just, it was just a spiritual, everything's a spiritual experience for me. But it was one of those spiritual lessons where I was just like, wow, I can see myself trying so hard. And some people just aren't gonna like you. Yeah. And then the punch line is that once I stopped people pleasing, she actually liked me.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 21:10

  Of course. Yeah. And I think I think a little bit like people can notice it, that the eagerness to please them, and it turns people off. And that's, you know, not saying it's right or wrong to feel like you should be turned off by somebody who's needy or, you know, eager to please. But it is like an energy that people pick up on. And you can tell like, yeah, it's inauthentic. And it feels inauthentic to you. And they noticed that as well.

  Amanda Durocher 21:35

  Yeah, it feels fake. Exactly. Yeah. And you know, people can pick up on that, like, we think they can, but I can think of examples in my own life, where I'm just like, oh, my gosh, that person's so please just show me something real.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 21:49

  Exactly. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, going back to the idea of trying your best to make someone like you, it's like, we don't for me now, at this stage, but I don't want people who are nice, quote, unquote, I don't I don't care about how nice you are. To me, I want to know that you are genuinely kind. And that can come in so many forms, it can come in the form of, you know, being a little bit more brash with what you're saying a little bit. Maybe you swear a little bit more like that doesn't, you know, but now the niceness aspect of it the niceness the overwhelming, pleasing aspect of someone's personality. That to me is so off putting now because it does feel kind of like a mask in a way. And I'm, and I feel that way, because I know it. I know that like I've been that at some point, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's just you can see through it now, I think, yeah,

  Amanda Durocher 22:35

  I love that. I've talked about the difference between nice and kind. For a while, I went to see Oprah, like right before the pandemic, so I guess 2020. And she talked about it, she told the story about how she realized she wasn't nice. She was kind. It was like really empowering for her. And in that moment, I was like, I'm kind but I'm not nice. Like, it's just not my personality. Yeah. And it was so freeing to be like, and that's okay.

  Katerina Katerina Eleftheriou 23:02

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's, you know, what it is, it's, it's almost hard to accept that because people are, you're told that you have to be nice, especially as women we're told, being nice is like feminine, it's gentle, it's approachable. It's all these things, and to not be nice, is somehow it's masculine, it's aggressive. But when you're nice, overly nice, you lose such a sense of who you are, like, it's such a flavor to you, you know, and then it just becomes annoying after because all you're doing is putting on this persona of what you think, you know, gentle femininity, or whatever, right? And this is what I've seen in my life, not saying this is the case all the time, but it's what I've seen, and it's it's such a shame, and it's so devaluing to who you are. Even if you're feminine. You can don't have to be on that level of softness all the time to be feminine to be a woman in that sense, you know?

  Amanda Durocher 23:53

  Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. Because I remember leaving that show and telling everybody I had this realization and people were like, No, you are nice. And I was like, You're not hearing me. Because I think niceness it's, there's nothing wrong with it. There are people who are genuinely nice. Like, what's coming to mind for me is I'm an empath not everybody's an empath. And that's okay. Just like some people just are genuinely nice. Like, it's part of their personality. Yeah, I consider myself fiery. Which is funny because everybody writes comments that I'm a really calm person on this podcast, and I'm like, I gotta show my personality more because I identify with the element of fire. So nice, just doesn't usually like fit into that. I'm kind of compassionate. I will use that fire to make sure you have a safe space any day of the week, but nice. Not really.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 24:43

  Yeah, yeah, no, I actually completely agree where I've been told that I'm very calming and my videos in my pockets but in reality, I am very, not aggressive, but I'm very so my star sign is a Scorpio and it's a water. Yeah, okay, great. It's a water sign and I do really identify with epic As water can be both soft and hard, and just on the day you catch it, you know, just because it's soft one day doesn't mean it can't be hard another day. Yeah. So anytime I hear the thing of like, oh, yeah, they're nice. That to me is a non. a non identifier. Like, that doesn't mean anything to me because niceness is, what is that? Yeah, I'm like, okay, like, I don't know anything about this person. Yeah, like,

  Katerina Eleftheriou 25:20

  they're nice. I'm like, that's more offensive. Like, if someone were to call me nice, I'd be offended. Because then use the you know, nothing else about me. There's nothing there behind that. Right? And if you called me kind, I'd be like, oh, yeah, that's like the biggest compliment because kindness takes a lot of work as well, because it's like, it's so much deeper. Right?

  Amanda Durocher 25:36

  Yeah, I agree. Because yeah, I just, I hear it. And like, kindness to me just feels genuine. Yeah.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 25:41

  And it's not always nice to be kind. You know, sometimes kindness comes with setting boundaries, not people pleasing, you know, telling somebody, Hey, this really upset me and risking them being upset with you. That's kindness, you know, and, or it's like, I don't wanna say pushing, but encouraging someone to do something that's good for them, but might feel bad in the moment, and not letting up on that. Because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Like, that's cool. Yes. You know, there's so many levels to it. And to just throw on like, the veil of nice is just so offensive

  Amanda Durocher 26:11

  to me. Yeah, I totally agree.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 26:15

  Yeah. niceness will never stand up. And I don't know, I don't know what the term is I'm trying to go for but nice will let things flow no matter what. And I don't want to subscribe to that for my life, I would never just let things in my life flow just for the sake of avoiding a difficult confrontations are something you know. So that's why whenever I'm faced with somebody who's nice, I like what do you stand for? If you're nice, because if you're nice with me, and you're nice with that person, you know that but we're all different people. It's like, Who do you? Who do you relate to really? You know, it's

  Amanda Durocher 26:47

  yeah, no, I totally agree. I know, I'm like for people listening, I hope you can sense the difference, too. They're like, hard to differentiate VR is a difference. One's a little more surface. Like that's what nice is it's a little more surface, and it's a little more expected. Kindness is deeper and harder to come by.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 27:07

  Yeah. Yeah. Even within yourself. Like it's, it's hard to even show yourself and genuine kindness sometimes. Because it's easier to just please yourself in like, a surface level way right to like, you know, eat that food you don't want to eat you shouldn't be you know, whatever it is that comforts you rather than being the Kinder knowing that, you know, I need to not do this right now. Because it'll be better for me in the long run. Even within yourself. Kindness is hard to come by at times. Now.

  Amanda Durocher 27:35

  Yeah, I talk about that a lot on this podcast, I usually say self love, but to me self kindness, self love, self compassion. It's all the same thing. And I think these are like buzzwords thrown around right now. And to me, learning to love myself was the hardest thing I've ever Yeah.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 27:50

  Because there's a difference between self love and total self acceptance. And I don't, I don't subscribe to self acceptance completely. Because there are some things that you don't want to accept about yourself. Like, I don't want to be comfortable with repeating habits or patterns that don't serve me. I don't want to just accept that, you know, and to show myself love is to break those habits, not to accept them. It's just, that's who I am. It's like, No, I'm going to work towards breaking them. And that means I have to sometimes hate myself, I sometimes have to hate who I am in that moment. And it's good to recognize that I think, in my opinion,

  Amanda Durocher 28:25

  I do too, because sometimes I talk about self hatred. And I think that people, like I talked about how we all kind of hate ourselves. And I think some people are like, No, I love myself. But it's kind of like you said where it's like no, no, you really have to realize that we're programmed to hate ourselves. And it's not a bad thing, because it's just when you can start to realize, Oh, my God, I hate myself for that, or I hate this about myself. That's the awareness is what brings the change? Yes,

  Katerina Eleftheriou 28:53

  yeah, there's nothing wrong with being aware of that. It's like, I almost feel like it is very, very much an ego thing to say, I'm not bad. I don't hate myself. It's because it's like you're attacking your ego. And your ego doesn't want to be told that it's wrong or it's invalid. But when you allow that to happen, no change happens. Like you said, you just kind of stay the same. And it's like, you can do that if you want to. But if you're on a journey of growth, and really understanding what you want, and cultivating the kind of life that feels good, actually feels aligned with you. You have to notice when you hate yourself, and you have to be okay with it. You have to just accept it at times and move through it.

  Amanda Durocher 29:29

  Yeah, I actually think this is a great time to jump into the first question, because I think going along with self hatred is sort of accepting all the different spectrum of emotions we have about ourselves. Because when we can start to accept our emotions, bring awareness to our emotions, that's when we can start to make change in our lives. So let's jump into question one.

  Amanda Durocher 29:57

  Question one, I feel lost in purpose. US, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. And I find this really stresses me out. I get so stressed about this that I often become very overwhelmed and anxious, and then I end up doing nothing. I know I'm not happy where I am. But I don't know where to start or what I should be doing. There's so much information out there and it tends to overwhelm me. I'm afraid I'm behind and should be farther ahead than I am. Any advice on figuring out my purpose? Thank you so much for this question. I feel like there is so much jam packed into this question. I think this question is so relatable. I know that in my life, I've felt lost and purposeless as well. And I think so many people can relate to this question. Can you relate to feeling this way?

  Katerina Eleftheriou 30:44

  Oh, yeah. 100% all the time. Literally all the time. It comes in waves. Like it's never gone, you know?

  Amanda Durocher 30:49

  Mm hmm. Yeah. For me, the moment I referenced earlier, when my friend died, was really for me, the moment where I realized how lost and purposeless I felt. And I think that feeling lost and purposeless is really hard. But I just want to acknowledge who wrote this question is that it's already a step, having the awareness that you feel lost and purposeless because I was lost and purposeless before I even recognized Yeah,

  Katerina Eleftheriou 31:13

  I was lost and purposeless. Yeah. And I think even for me, I'm dealing with those feelings that existed years ago, I'm still processing them now. Because I didn't have the awareness back then to understand that, right. So it's still here. And a lot of it is old, like you said, like a room full of clutter. When your friend died, you have to kind of sift through that still. And it's still it's all around and there's so much to work through. And it just it takes a long time. So yeah, even having the awareness is truly the first step to getting started on all of that.

  Amanda Durocher 31:42

  So what do you recommend for this person?

  Katerina Eleftheriou 31:45

  Okay, well, for me, it's one big thing that I actually noticed that resonates with me that question because I'm kind of going through right now. But as I look back, I go through it all the time, which is to me, it all comes down to the need for control. And the feeling of purposelessness and not knowing where to go, how to get there what to do, it all comes down to the inability to just trust the process. And ultimately, trust yourself to know that you, you're going to do what you need to do. And I think then we reach for control in so many ways, one of those ways can be, you know, finding the right career path, finding the right partner, or fine, you know, like controlling those aspects of our lives to give us that meaning to give us that, that structure and security and certainty, which can help, I think temporarily, but that underlying feeling will always be there. Because ultimately, we really do not have control, like control is a myth, it's a fallacy, you might be able to control some things, but ultimately, in life, you have no control. And that's kind of the beauty of it, because you can allow yourself to flow within it. And I love again, the the imagery of water, I kind of go back to that. And the concept of flow and letting yourself kind of ride the tide as it goes. And not fighting against it. Because deep down you know, you know what you need to do you know who you are, you know what you want, you might not let yourself really truly embody it and accept it, but deep down, you know, and it's scary to let go and let your intuition guide you. But ultimately, that is the best way to do it. That's the best way to get to where you need to be, you know, not where you might want to be like, quote, unquote, where you've been told you should be, but to where you really, truly need to be is to just let go of that control.

  Amanda Durocher 33:24

  Yes, control is letting go of control will be my lifelong. Yeah, my lifelong thing I'm working on, I feel like it's the everything is learning how to let go of control, and let the flow in and let life in. You know, when we are controlling we like stifle life. And we don't let the magic come in. And we're controlling, and nothing happens, because we're holding on so tight. And it's like, we have to let go. Yeah.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 33:53

  And I see it as like, you know, when you try to control something so much you back yourself into a corner and you limit the opportunities, you have to make moves, right? That's probably why you feel to the person who asked this question why you feel so stuck. You've backed yourself into a corner because you feel like I can only do things that I can control and within my life, and it's like some of the stuff that you have to do is out of your control. And so you have to just let go of the idea that you can add all control what comes to you what goes what, you know what you need to be doing what you should be doing. Because when you do that, that's when you allow, like you said, you allow life and you allow those opportunities to finally come to you and you allow your kind of your gut to decide for you. And your gut knows more, way more our bodies know so much more truly than our minds do at times. And you got to let yourself feel your way through it.

  Amanda Durocher 34:36

  Yeah, because I agree. I think that this person, and I know you might hear this answer and be like, but I don't know what I'm doing. I think you do know, because my true belief is that we all know, we all know what our next step should be. We just might not be listening. But you could be hearing for like 10 years write that book, write that book and not doing it and being like, what am I doing with my life? I don't know what I'm doing now. And it's like, for 10 years you've been hearing, write that book or go to therapy or call that person, like, it could be anything but I find with our intuition, it tells us over and over again. And then when we ignore it for a while, it will stop talking to us. But then when we start asking questions, again, it will give us the same answer. And then we're like, it's not responding. And it's like, no, the answer just hasn't changed. But it just doesn't look like you think it should. Because, like, I consider our intuitions like our soul. And it's like, the souls path isn't linear, it's like your soldiers knows what's best for you. It knows the best life you have out there and knows what your best possible life looks like. And it's guiding you there. And you might be like, heal my mother wound, how is that gonna help me with my career? And it's like, well, you're gonna start healing that. And then you're going to find out something about yourself, that then is going to lead to another realization, or you're going to meet a person along the way. Or, by forgiving your mother, you're going to open up space in you in order to create or you're going to create from that healing. But you can't know that until you take the first step. Yeah,

  Katerina Eleftheriou 36:11

  yeah, I love that. And, yeah, so much just came to my head as you were saying that, but what really resonates with me is the idea that you, you always know what you want, you always know, deep down, you know. And the reason I'm so confident to say that is because I literally talk to myself a blog about this every single day where I say, I don't know what I need to do, I do know. And I'll journal about it, and I'll journal the same thing every day. And then I'll look back and I'm like, Oh, I was dealing with the exact same thing three months ago. But I'm still talking about now. It's like, I know, I know what I need to do. And but like you said, it's like, sometimes you don't want to admit that. That's what it is. Because it doesn't look like what you shouldn't be doing. But there's a reason why you're called to that there's a reason there's something there. And so I don't take anything as like coincidence. Or as pointless, like any urge you have, there's a reason for it, there's a point to it, otherwise, you wouldn't have it. In life, you're not just roaming aimlessly, like there's always an aim within you. And that is different for you. It's different for your friend, your boyfriend, whoever. And it's just a matter of leaning into it. And like really just allowing yourself to, to feel what feels good. And what feels good for right now. Not what you think will feel good, necessarily 10 years from now, because that can be completely different. What feels good for right now, if it feels good for right now to start working on a book, like you said, just do that and see what happens. And if it doesn't feel good in a month, don't do it anymore. But you'll never know, you literally would never know until you just take that first step like you said,

  Amanda Durocher 37:40

  yeah, what's coming to mind for me is for about seven years of my life, all I did was heal. So for me, for anybody who's new here, I talked about all my trauma on the first season of new advice, but sexually abused as a child raped in my teens, I lost a close friend in my early 20s. And my soul just kept asking me to look at the next layer. And I was so frustrated, because I was like, everybody's out there making money, bringing in the dollars, and I'm over here crying into a pillow. But it's not until now that I have this podcast and that all my writing reflects the healing I've done. And that the friendships I have are deeper and more authentic. And that the comfortability I have in the world is I could sit on a rock and be happy. You know, there's a part of my soul asking me to show up and be of service. And I love doing it. But I spend seven years sitting with my own heart, because that's what I was asked to do. Yeah, and throughout that I would still feel lost. I always talk about my biggest resistance. I know when resistance is up is self made confusion. And constantly telling myself, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. And I believe I always do. But sometimes I just don't like the next step like we talked about.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 39:02

  Yeah. And it's interesting that you bring up resistance because I actually just journaled about this concept as well with regards to control and how you know, every time we try to control you know, every action has an opposite and equal reaction, right. So the moment you try to control something and I was thinking about this in the framework of war, because you know, that is the biggest thing going on right now on the news. But if you look at it like that, you know, the act of trying to control something is met with what resistance you will always you know, if you're waging a war within yourself, have tried to control everything, you're going to be met with resistance of the part of you that does not want to be within that control. And so you're going to feel stuck, you're going to be at a crossroads, you're not able to move because one side of you is trying to push forward and the other side is pushing back and it's it's only until you back away and you let it go that you finally are free enough to make the decision that you truly know deep down is aligned with you. Yeah, I've

  Amanda Durocher 39:53

  never thought of it that way but I love that visual you just pictured of control and resistance and how Yeah, they create conflict. Yeah,

  Katerina Eleftheriou 40:02

  yeah. And it is something that you'll struggle with forever, I think. But just having the awareness will make it a little bit easier to like, when you do notice it, you'll be like, Okay, I'm doing that thing again. There's nothing that's coming up for me again, what did I do last time? Like, let me and that's why I love journaling, because you can look back at what you did last time, and be like, okay, okay, so last time I did this, and that helped. And you know, whatever. Yeah, I

  Amanda Durocher 40:21

  highly recommend to the person who wrote this question in journaling, as well, I'd written that down as one of the practical pieces of advice, because journaling is a great way to get in connection with yourself. And it's I always talked about free consciousness journaling. So you journal through that resistance. And then you get to the answers. You know, sometimes you have to let out all the fears and the judgments on the page. And then you start to get to something.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 40:48

  Yeah, you got to purge it all up on that page. And then you get to like the root of it. Yeah, it can feel really bad at times. But sometimes I feel so good. I feel so relieving.

  Amanda Durocher 40:57

  Yeah, cuz it's just also, I think journaling, developing a practice of journaling. I think that with any of the self help things, I recommend healing, I like to talk about how it's a practice. So we're going to be on our healing journeys for our whole lives. I know, he probably just disappointed somebody with that. I know that for a long time, I was looking for the end of my healing journey. And it was something I was trying to control. You know. And when I gave that up, that this is just part of life. Because there's so much life to bring in, there's so much love to bring in to accept that we're always going to be healing and letting go of resistances. To that love to that spaciousness to that freedom.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 41:43

  Yeah, I was actually talking about this with my therapist this week, where healing never ends. And you'll probably dip back into a bad place at some point. And you'll be like, Well, I've worked so hard, like, I shouldn't be back here again. But most likely, you're not at the exact same place, you're probably at a much higher place, it just feels low, because compared to, you know how you're moving up before you feel like you've dropped down. But every time you make a new revelation, you have more awareness, you you elevate. And with that elevation comes again, the opposite, which is you're going to fall again. And that's just the cycle of life. It's the death and rebirth. It has to happen. And that is part of the beauty of the journey really, right is seeing all these things as of yourself.

  Amanda Durocher 42:24

  Yeah, I'm currently reading Rene Browns book, dare to lead. And she talks about that, too, that getting in the arena, which is a Brene Brown reference, where it's being vulnerable. And showing up is like being an arena and you're gonna be knocked down. And it's not about being afraid of when you're going to be knocked down. It's just knowing that's part of being in the arena, you're going to be knocked down, but you're gonna get back up. And that's just part of the vulnerability of moving forward with life, you know, because life is like we've been saying a journey. It's not a destination.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 42:55

  Yep, exactly. Yeah, the only destination really is death. And yeah, the concept of fearing death, as itself is replayed in so many other aspects of our life, right? We fear failure, we feel we fear embarrassment, like all those are little deaths to us, like little soul deaths in a way. And it is a cyclical journey, and it'll continue. And even after death, like you know, whatever plane there is, after that, you know, and it's just a matter of understanding that, even though you feel this way, right now, it won't last forever, because there will always be that new cycle happening. Yeah.

  Amanda Durocher 43:27

  And when you start to just take the small steps to you start to develop that trust in yourself. That's faith in yourself. Yes. So it's important to start taking the steps in order to start developing those traits. Those aren't just, you know, I feel like we think, Oh, that person just trust themselves. It's like, trust is built with yourself, just like it's built with other people.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 43:50

  Yeah. And, honestly, you're going to mess up, you're going to make some huge mistakes, you're gonna be so angry at yourself for making those mistakes, but you made them sooner rather than later, you made them now and it saved you from making them five years from now where you feel even more like you're losing time, or you're running out of time. So just do it. Just make those mistakes, get it over with. And then every new mistake is a new learning opportunity. And it does. Yeah, and it does establish trust, knowing that you can handle it. You know, every time you make any mistake, I've survived it. I'm good. Look how much stronger I am than I thought I was before that.

  Amanda Durocher 44:23

  Yeah. Yeah. And the last thing I want to acknowledge in this question is the should you be farther ahead? And I think that this goes with the name of your podcast, which is nobody is doing it. Right. And you should not be farther ahead. No, this is something I've been working through too. But like, we just got to let go of these expectations of time. You know, we're on souls time is what I consider it and everything is working out exactly as it's supposed to, even if you can't see that now.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 44:53

  Yeah, yeah. And to as a personal story of mine, like I would have been, I guess, right On time, quote, unquote, in my early 20s, because graduated University had a long term boyfriend, sort of working at a corporate job, like everything was panning out the way you're, it's supposed to pan out, you know, and that's, you know, I'm right on time. I'm right on top of everything. And then I completely switched all of that ended my relationship, moved into a creative career, like don't have the traditional lifestyle that I'm supposed to have a 30. But it's like, I'm here now. I'm like, oh, yeah, no, it none of that exists. None of that is real. Yeah, it's all.

  Amanda Durocher 45:31

  Yeah, I remember when I first signed up for screenwriting classes. When I was living in Los Angeles, I was like, I'm late to the party. I am 27. And I think I can be a screenwriter, like, who am I? First, I show up to my class. I'm one of the youngest people and most people are like, 30s 40s. But there were 5067. Everybody was older than me. And it was just this realization of like, What time am I talking about? Because I'm looking at those people. And I'm like, Oh, my God, good for you. Like I'm not judging them and saying they're at a time they're too old. I was only judging myself.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 46:06

  Yeah, exactly. And I remember thinking like, Jon Hamm, the actor, famous actor now for madmen and all that, he didn't start acting till he was 30. And even then he didn't get his major role and mad mentally was 40. And now he's the star. And you think like, that's his whole life? No, he didn't start until 30. And 30 is considered when you're old, like you're done. Yeah, life is done at 30. You know?

  Amanda Durocher 46:27

  Yeah, yeah, I turned 30 this year. And it's almost freeing. Because yes, there are so many expectations on your 20s. And then your 30s. It's like, Oh, I get to play, I get to play now. I just get to like, play around with this. Because nobody expects anything of me anymore.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 46:43

  It was a little bit like a rebirth. Like I've entered this viewed new dimension of existence where like, oh, now I'm in my 30s, a single woman in her 30s like, crazy.

  Amanda Durocher 46:53

  I know. It's just, yeah, like, we've done that as society. Because most a lot of my questions are from young women in their 20s. And I just want all those young women to know, you're just on time, use your 20s to discover yourself. Yeah, don't stress so much. You can start a career whenever you want. You can start fast whenever you want. You can get married whenever you want. Don't let anybody tell you, you have to be on a timetable. You know, I have friends who are 30. And they're getting divorced now, because they had to get married in their 20s. And now they're 30 getting divorced. And it's just follow your heart. Yeah, don't force something because you think that's what you should do. My therapist always says should is one of the worst language one of the worst words in the English language, what we should do, because that's the way we actually punish ourselves.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 47:41

  Yes, yeah. And there's a tinge of like, shame associated to that. Yes, you should be doing it. And if you're not, you should be shamed for it. Because you're not following whatever rule what arbitrary rules have been laid out for you.

  Amanda Durocher 47:54

  Exactly. Well, I hope something in this answer was helpful for you. And I really want you to know that I know you feel lost and purposeless, you will not feel like this forever. Yeah. And I'm sorry, you're going through this rough time. I know how hard it can be. And really, the best thing you can do is just to start taking a step in any direction, because you don't know where it'll lead you. And then you can always pivot.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 48:21

  Yes, yeah. Can always realign.

  Amanda Durocher 48:32

  Thank you so much for asking this question. Yes, thank you.

  Question, too. I dream of being a content creator. And I scroll aimlessly through Tiktok and Instagram, watching people do what I want to do. But I can't seem to get myself to take those first few steps. I know I'm afraid of what people will say. But I feel like it's deeper than that. Any advice on how to get over my fear and do it anyway? Thank you for this question. I feel this question. I resonate with this question. And I think Katarina is an amazing person for this question. Because she does this. She's a content creator, she shows up on Instagram, she shows up on Tik Tok way better than I do. I really like Katerina Take, take charge of this one to begin with. And then I'll talk a little bit.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 49:17

  Yeah, it is hard being a creative in general because there's so much shame associated to him. And I think a lot of that shame is rooted in the fear of asking for attention, the fear of taking up space of thinking that what you have to offer in your existence is worth is worthy of the eyes that you're asking on it right. And that probably is I would bet that deep down that's probably what you're really fearing. It's not just putting yourself out there and getting a few mean comments. It is the internal struggle of am I even worthy of asking for people's attention on my work? You know, is my work even worthy of it and it is, there's always someone out there that will resonate with your work and the reason again, I feel so confident talking about this is because this you Are I well let starting last year 2020, on my 30th birthday, actually, I decided that I was going to just dive right into my creative work, I wasn't going to, you know, have one foot in one foot out, I was going to just give it my all because I've always said I wanted to do that. And I did. And I was like, I'm going to just let it go, do what I think is right in the moment, what feels good in the moment and see what happens. And by the end of the year, I just decided randomly, I was gonna start posting on ticked off, and I made a video about casually sitting on my computer on my desk made a video about being 30 and how it is not the end of the world, like you're going to move on. And I didn't expect much of it. But when I posted it, it kind of blew up. And I was like, oh, okay, I didn't, you know, and then I made another one after that. And that one blew up. And then I made another one. And they kept going, I was like, okay, so this is clearly my sign that the moment I lean into that fear, that uncertainty, the shame around whatever it is that I so desperately want to do. That's this is the sign that is that's exactly what I was meant to do. And it's the only thing that really gave me the the support the courage to be like, oh, yeah, no, maybe I am worth the attention that I think I so desperately deserve. Right. But that is in my deep bones asking to be heard. This is the this is what I needed to see. And you would never I would have never seen it had I not posted that first video. And if there's anything that I would say to do, like we said before, take that step. Take that. Just that first step and see how it goes. Yeah,

  Amanda Durocher 51:26

  I completely agree. And I love your story. I love that. And I love that when you finally chose to do it how you got that immediate confirmation? Yeah, I think that that's so beautiful. And all share for me when I first started posting, I did not get immediate confirmation. But actually what it did for me was I actually felt better not getting any attention. I was like, oh, it's not so scary. Oh, I posted a video, I had like 700 random strangers looking at this, okay, like, it's not that big of a deal. And then when my tic tock went viral, I would consider traumatic, but that's not to deter you. That is not to deter you. I share that because for me, as is everything in life. It's a spiritual experience. And when that happened, I got to come face to face with fears I would have never seen. If I didn't put myself in that situation. There was healing that had to be done. And I do have an episode on bullying where I talk about it. But quick for me it was the trauma of being raped came back. And it was ingrained in me not to be seen. Yep, it was life or death for me is how it felt. So I had to look at that. There were more layers I had to look at was that hard? Hell yeah. But am I so glad I did it. Yeah. Because now am I still nervous about posting things? Yeah. But now when I post things, I get negative comments. I can see the healing I did. Because I'm like, oh, there's that guy. Or oh, there's that lady. You know, it doesn't doesn't bother me. So I think that it doesn't have to be so scary, that something might have like that somebody might be mean to you, it just will be a growing experience. Which Yeah, can be exciting.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 53:12

  Yeah. And I want to clarify, actually, when my videos did do well, it wasn't always like, Oh, I'm I'm a famous content creator. And I know, I was actually terrified as well, because like you said, I also have the fear of being seen of attention. Because you know, growing up in a household where often I got negative attention from my caregivers, the last thing I was taught to do is ask for that attention, you know, and to ask for it. And to get all these eyes. And these comments and these people perceiving my existence was really scary, because it's immediately you feel like, I'm in danger now. And in some, you know, emotional wailing, something's going to happen. And so like you said, I would have never experienced that and worked and had the opportunity to work through it. Had I not taken that first step had a video that went did well got comments, some are awful, some are. Some comments are crazy. But now as I get a little bit more comfortable with it, I'm like, okay, yeah, this, this is a crazy comment, but it doesn't affect you in the same way. Because you're, yeah, it's like you just kind of face and you're like, Okay, it's not that bad now, like now that I'm a little bit more comfortable on here. And then you also realize in your own journey, that someone who's commenting that is not really doing well, like they're not in a good place on their end, and allows you to have a bit of empathy and understanding and even offering your perspective to somebody like that, who might be commenting something, giving them your perspective and seeing if that maybe potentially changes their mind or their you know, their view of life.

  Amanda Durocher 54:36

  Yeah, I have never clicked on a profile of somebody who left a mean comment, and they have never been an active poster. They have never been someone who actively puts themselves out there. So it's back to the Brene Brown thing. Where if you're putting yourself in the arena, so if you're putting yourself out there on Tik Tok, or you said content creation, so whatever your content creation outlet is You don't have to take the feedback from anyone who's not doing it too. Yeah. Because I'll tell you, I have so much more respect for every single influencer, everyone who puts themselves on any social media platform, no matter if I agree with what they say or not. I have absolute respect for how much courage it takes to do that.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 55:21

  Yeah, yeah. 100%. And I actually made a video about this the other day where I talked about my two most popular hate comments on my videos, right, the things I've noticed the most, and what they truly reveal about the act of posting regularly and how people view that and my two comments are one from one is from men, and one is from women, primarily, the one from men is often hating on me for posting regularly and asking for attention. You know, that's their main issue that I'm out here asking for attention. And the comment that's primarily from women is that I speak slowly, in my videos, they don't like that I speak so slowly, and I take my time. And I think it's just very revealing that on the one hand, the men often seem to struggle with the idea of doing something and asking for validation, or support or approval from it openly and saying, you know, I made this and I'm worthy of it, of worthy of you seeing it and liking it. And then on the other hand, women are often told to, you know, be seen and not heard, be quick, when you speak, someone's going to interrupt you. Don't take your time, don't be authoritative with your voice by being slow and steady with how you speak. And it's just, it's so revealing that these comments, say something about the person specifically, like you know, what they've been going through, but also but the society and what it means to be a social presence, in a sense, and I think that might play into effect, why this person who asked the question is struggling maybe to put themselves out there because of these two narratives, potentially, that I think are circulating a lot of people's minds.

  Amanda Durocher 56:47

  Yeah, I think that those are really great things to reflect on. If those are either of your fears. Yeah. Well, you were talking, I was trying to reflect on the negative feedback I get. And it's men who are like, upset that I am happy. Talking about sobriety. Yeah, I get negative comments from women too. And but it's much rarer. It's much more rare, I think, yes. For some reason, men feel very comfortable commenting.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 57:16

  Yeah, I'll be clear, though, I do have a lot of men that are very supportive as well, in my comments, to me to, you know, yeah, don't think like you're gonna get on any sort of social media and men are just gonna attack you. There's a lot of men that are very supportive. It's just the ones that stand out to you and your head are the ones that are comfortable being a little crazy.

  Amanda Durocher 57:33

  Yeah, it's like anything new, you just have to start doing it. It's even like, before I did this interview view with Katarina, I was nervous. I've only done two of these at this point, just for anybody listening. And the last one was with somebody I'm friends with. And this is the first time Katarina and I are talking. So I had anxiety come up, I had to go outside and I had to ground myself. And it was scary, right? I could feel nerves coming up. But I knew I had to do it anyway. And now I feel very comfortable. But sometimes doing new things. You just have to work through the uncomfortability I think it's another lie of this world that showing up for your purpose or showing up in new ways should be comfortable. Yeah, it's not comfortable. It gets easier. And sometimes you'll find things are easy. Like, you'll be like, Oh, I actually really liked that I'm actually really good at that. And sometimes you'll be like, Oh my god, that was so hard. I had to push my way entirely through that. But I did it anyway.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 58:32

  Yeah. Yeah. And I'd also say, whatever it is that we're that fear is like that anxiety is probably exactly what you need to do. You're the reason you're feeling that fear that resistance is because there's something there that's going to break you through to the person that you're supposed to be but is uncomfortable. It's scary, because it's so new. And it'll probably mean that you have to let go of some sort of coping mechanism that you've been holding on to that's kept you in the same place, you know, out of safety. A pay attention to that fear, pay attention to exactly what it is that makes you so nervous to do something and do that thing. Just do it. Like obviously, if there's not imminent danger, like physical danger, you know, but if it's just an emotional danger that you're feeling, there's a reason for it. There's a reason why you're so scared to do that thing.

  Amanda Durocher 59:16

  Yeah. And if it's really, really holding you back, because I know, as a trauma response, because we talked about trauma here. It can be really hard, come curious, like it feels debilitating, become curious. Because, as I mentioned for me, like how rape came up from a tick tock comment, right? So that's a real traumatic response. So become curious about it. Be kind to yourself, journal. I always recommend finding a therapist for anybody I know in the United States, it can be expensive. I'll post some resources in the show notes, as well as post some questions I recommend asking you can always ask for sliding scale options. If it seems too expensive, you can always ask and many therapists have lower rates. But I just find that because I'm an expert at sitting with myself, we can sit with things for as long as possible. But we really, something changes when we just show up into action, you know. So I really think you should post create a new account post. I know people create anonymous accounts. If you're trying to be on Tiktok. It's way harder to be anonymous because your face is there. But yeah, find a way that maybe feel safe and comfortable for you. I love him. One of Katarina has episodes, she says that if you came up with the idea who better to create it than you? So know that whatever your idea is for this content creation, you're worthy of creating it, you had the idea for a reason? Even if it seems like a million people are out there doing the same thing. I started an advice podcast in the year 2021. Do you think there's no other advice podcasts out there? I had so much resistance to doing it. Because I was like, who am I to start an advice podcast? Who am I to offer advice. But I had to just be like, You know what, I have something to say, I have done so much work. I've done more work than a lot of therapists I've seen, you know, I've had eight therapists in my life, but three that were helpful. So if you're looking for a therapist, if there's a red flag, I always like to say, just leave find somebody new, I believe that there's a therapist out there for everybody. So that means that not every therapist is for you. Right?

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:01:31

  Just to continue with that. Yeah, like the the advice podcast in 2021, when you started but same same with me where what I post is just me talking about ideas and advice and you know, just topics of interest with regards to personal development, which like so many people do on tick tock, but nobody does what I do. And I know that sounds so arrogant to say, but it's just nobody does what I do, because I'm the one doing it. Yes. The way I conceptualize these ideas, the way I present them the way like I just you know who you are. And you know what, what you like how you want to present yourself. And so it doesn't matter what you say, it'll be unique, regardless of what it is like, you could just stare at the camera for five minutes, and it'll still be unique to you, and somebody out there will like it. And that's the great thing about the internet, there is someone out there will really like you doesn't matter what you do. And I'd love that. And also to continue with that. I think also a lot of hesitation when it comes to posting online is not necessarily the comments you'll get but the feedback you'll get from the people in your life. Yes. And yeah, and I have been dealing with this myself where, you know, putting yourself out there promoting your work, what you have to do as a creative, you have to back yourself up, you have to be there for yourself and say, Look, I made this thing. Do you want to buy it, you know, you have to do that. And I get it. It's icky sometimes to do that. But once you get over that, and you say, You know what, no, it's not icky. It's what I need to do. I'm supporting myself, I'm backing myself up, you'll notice how other people still have that mentality, and then they'll try to project it onto you. So you'll talk to friends, you know, partners, whoever, who think that it's icky to do that stuff. We think that it's it's somehow cringy to post all the time and do this and that, and that'll rub off on you sometimes, and it'll be really hard. And so I'd say if that is a reason why you might be a little hesitant to start posting, I would say to just emotionally distanced yourself from those people for a bit until you catch your footing in what you're trying to create. Don't tell anybody sometimes it's better just to make moves in silence. Don't tell anyone, don't talk about it with him. If they see it online, great. But you know, keep it to yourself for a little bit. Keep making your thing. And then when you get more comfortable, and you're you're able to kind of be like, Yeah, I'm a content creator now, like, this is what I do. I have this many followers, you'll feel better interacting with people and feel more stable and just confident in it.

  Amanda Durocher 1:03:50

  I love that you said that. I love that you brought up the movie in silence because it reminded me that that's the video I found of yours on Tik Tok when I first followed you was when you talked about moving in silence because I just completely agree you don't. You don't want to tell everybody all the stuff you're working on. And as a creative, it's okay to just keep it to yourself, or to just not talk about it. I didn't talk about starting this podcast with anyone. And then when I released my trailer, I felt like I was dying. I was fine. But I felt really seen in a way I'd never been seen before. And then when I posted episode one, I thought I'd have the same reaction. And I was like, oh, no, I'm fine. You know, like, it was just like, oh, that first step is really so often the hardest.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:04:37

  Yeah, and it opens so many doors for new experiences within that, like when I started my tic tock, I kept a very PG, which I still do like I'm not, but I always thought like no, I could never talk about sex in my videos like sexism. And now I talk about it because it's part of the journey, right? It's part of my journey. My understand my learnings. It's a part of me so I have to talk about it. But I wasn't able to before because I hadn't created that foundation of comfort with my creative work and with posting and doing, you know, like that first step and, and now I'm more able to do something that I never thought I would be able to talk about openly. And it's like, if I can do that now, what else can I do in a few months time? You know?

  Amanda Durocher 1:05:18

  Yeah, I forget who said this quote, but like a quote that I had on my wall, in my 20s was like, everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear. And fear will hold you back, or it can be information. Now in fear arises for me, it's just like, Oh, is that something I'm actually interested in? Is that something I really care about? What's arising? Why am I so scared of doing this? Or is there something that has to be healed there and looked at? And you can just use fear as a teacher?

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:05:53

  Yeah. And I think also, for me, at least, when fear arises, my first instinct to bring it back to the other question is, you feel out of control? And so I try to control it, right? Well, what can I do to mitigate this fear? What can I do, and that is the worst thing to do. Because fear has to be, you have to feel it, you have to work through it. And to try and control it, you're blocking yourself from actually experiencing it. And learning from it, like you said, and just being curious about it. If you're trying to control it, you're not giving yourself the space to actually experience it and understand it for what it truly is.

  Amanda Durocher 1:06:27

  Yeah, like our egos, our fear is the fear mind, and it's there to keep you safe. So oftentimes, like fear, is there as like, Are you sure? Are you sure you want this? And you have to just go through it and be like, Yes, I am sure I want this. Yes, I am sure I'm ready. Yes, I am choosing myself, you know, content creation is so something we do for ourselves. And it can be seen as selfish. But selfish gets such a bad rap. I know, people just like to get rid of the word altogether, I am selfish, I am self absorbed. But so is every other human on this planet. Like you live in your own head, I live in my own head. I'm an expert at my inner world, I hope you learn to be an expert at your inner world, the human journey is personal. It's a self involved journey. And so we have to learn because it goes back almost to the people pleasing at the beginning, I guess where we have to learn to live for ourselves.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:07:30

  Yeah, and I was gonna say you have to be selfish, you shouldn't be selfish, not to the point of hurting other people, obviously, but to the point of understanding yourself truly, and being there for yourself fully, because nobody's going to be there for you 100%. And nor should, they shouldn't have that responsibility. That's your responsibility. And so if you're there for yourself, 100, you're selfish, you're doing what you need to do for yourself, you can then show up for other people fully to, you know, you can expect to be people pleasing, by only having your cup half full, and then pouring the rest of it into somebody else, right, you can't do that, all you're gonna do is be completely dry by the end of it. And it doesn't, it's not good for anybody. And so you do have to be selfish. And like you said, it has a bad rap. And it kind of is kind of icky to say, but it is what it is like you, you have to do it, you have to do it in order to, to grow. Really,

  Amanda Durocher 1:08:18

  yeah. And like you were saying about the cup is it's like, if content creation is going to be something to fill your cup, then you're going to find that you have an overflow, that then you're able to show up better in your other relationships or in your other jobs or whatever it is because you know, you might have a job and content creation, which is very common, but you might not hate that other job so much. If you have this other side thing that's for you.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:08:44

  Totally, yeah, you're also going to feel less shame. Once you start accepting it within yourself. You're not gonna be so easily shamed by other people anymore, because you're gonna like, yeah, you've just leaned into it for yourself. And you're like, Okay, I'm doing this. And it doesn't matter now, what anyone thinks. And also, it'll make you realize how little other people actually consider themselves Yes, in situations, and it'll make you feel bad for them after when you start considering yourself, you know, and you know, I say it's not self centered itself, consider it, you're considering yourself, you are part of people, the people that you're trying to please, you are one of them. And so once you realize that you are able and willing to please yourself, you realize how little people are doing doing that for themselves. And instead of feeling shame, now switches to sympathy.

  Amanda Durocher 1:09:29

  Yeah, yeah, sympathy and empathy, because you get to see that you used to do the same thing. Yeah, you know, you really can see yourself in other people's shoes, and you can see really where they are. Because you you're like, Oh, I was there. And I overcame those fears.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:09:44

  Yeah. And like you said, it allows you then to operate from a place of love and allow more love because you're not in this place of, I'm not doing what I want to do. And so now I'm resentful of my life because I'm not doing that. You know, once you lean into what you want, you can be sympathetic and empathetic Word other people, now you're operating from a place of love you're not operate from a place of, Oh, I hate this, this person for shaming me, because you've already established within yourself that you're comfortable, that you're self centered, you're selfish. And it's okay. And now, when you see somebody who's not doing that work for themselves, you're kind of like, oh, you know, I, I want to help them in a way, right? If they're willing to learn. And so you're giving yourself in, I think, in a more authentic way to people than before. And you'll find that

  Amanda Durocher 1:10:27

  there might be people who are uncomfortable with what you do, or might find it cringe, you'll also find that you just naturally inspire people. Yeah, that was one of my biggest surprises was starting my podcasts were the random people who don't necessarily resonate with what I talk about. But they were like, I always thought of starting a podcast. I never did it, like you actually did it. Like, how'd you do it? Oh, that's so inspiring. Or the amount of people on my sober journey, who told me it was so inspiring to hear me talk about sobriety in a positive way. And the people in my life who saw how much sobriety benefited me, and you'll just find that when you do these things that you think everybody will judge you for, there will be some of those, but you'll also inspire people. And that's so cool. It's so cool that our human journeys can affect each other.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:11:16

  Yeah, yeah. So listen, a lot of my comments are people saying that I've inspired them to go to therapy, and like, those comments are what fueled me to keep doing what I'm doing. And just to know that you have an impact, you know, just being yourself, you have an impact on somebody a positive impact. And, you know, even even if you have a negative impact on somebody, I still take that as a compliment. You know, you are so present, and you're taking up so much space that somebody is actually triggered by you just existing as yourself. Like, that's kind of a compliment, in a way. Yeah, even though you know, there's nothing nice about it. But I don't know, it's just I find it interesting either way.

  Amanda Durocher 1:11:49

  Yeah, I used to. And the last thing I wanted to touch on too, because you had mentioned in your question, that you just scroll and watch other people do, what you want to do, is what you'll also find, if you have jealousy or envy arise, one jealousy and envy are indicators of what you want. So instead of staying in them and judging somebody really get curious when you find yourself jealous, because it's like a direct indicator, like, I want that. And you might not want it exactly how somebody else shows up. That's why you want to get curious. And if somebody's posting about traveling, are you jealous of them posting? Are you jealous of them traveling? Are you jealous of the way they look like it's like, get in tune with what you're jealous of. But you'll also find that when you start doing what you want to do, what I found in my own life is a jealousy just dissipates. It just goes away. And you're filled with love instead. Because you're like, I'm doing what I want to be doing, and you're doing what you want to be doing. And now I'm so happy for you. And that's a really cool thing, too. I feel like it's like a It's not like the reason we do things. But it's a nice side thing that happens as well.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:12:54

  Yeah. And with regards to the scrolling thing, I think it's a good way to build up that desire for yourself to sit in and continue exposing yourself to the thing you want to do. I think it's a good way to do that. Because when before I started tick tock properly, I was on tick tock all the time, like I just had this deep desire to always be on the platform and to see what people doing and just just be within it. And now that I'm actually posting, I'm less on the platform. And I think the reason I was so absorbed in it was because I was I was almost in a way building up that that courage that you know, the creativity to start and I needed that fuel, I needed to be on there all the time. Just like writers need to read in order to be able to build that creativity. You might just need to be on there absorbing as much as possible before you finally get that urge to be like okay, you know what, now I'm ready to post. So lean into it, if that's what you feel like doing, if that feels good, right now, lean into it, and just kind of see where it takes you. And if you get that like little, that little tingle of like, okay, I might want to post something and do it. Don't even question yourself. Just do it.

  Amanda Durocher 1:14:01

  Yeah, I totally agree. And I love that because, like my next thing I'm thinking of doing is YouTube. And have I posted on YouTube? No, but I've been absorbing YouTube videos. I've just had watching a lot of people do similar things to what I do on YouTube. And then you go down the YouTube rabbit hole, and it's things completely different than what I do on YouTube. And I'm just, I'm just still in the absorbing phase, you know, and I know I'll post eventually, but just like allow yourself to also exactly just be in the world of it. There's something like in your mind that's clicking when you just have the pieces are coming together. Yeah.

  Amanda Durocher 1:14:37

  And some of your fears you're seeing like come to light. I would read the comment sections and I'd be like, oh, people are mean to every single person on Tik Tok. Yes, everybody on YouTube, you know, it's like, okay, you know, it's just normalizes things to Yeah.

  Katerina Eleftheriou 1:14:51

  And if that person can do what you're seeing, why can't you do it? You know, you see more people like you doing it. You're like, oh, okay, like, what's the difference between me and them? Like there's nothing Just the fact that they're turning on their camera and recording something like that's the only difference.

  Amanda Durocher 1:15:04

  Yeah. So thank you so much for writing in this question and I hope you post and if you do post please reach out. Please send me a DM please send me an email I want to cheer you on. I want to see what content you're creating. I think whatever you want to post you're worthy of posting. It's worthy of being seen and I want to see it. Yeah, we need more people like you posting we need more people like you, allowing yourself to be seen. Yeah. 100% Thank you so much for this question.

  Amanda Durocher 1:15:42

  Thank you so much for listening to another episode of New View Advice. I am so grateful for Katarina coming on today and sharing her wisdom. I hope you enjoyed our conversation as much as I did. Katarina is such a light in this world. She is using her own journey to help others and I think that's so beautiful. And she's able to put such large concepts and oftentimes shameful concepts into a grounded and relatable manner for people to learn and continue growing with Katerina and the community she's created. So I'm so grateful that Katarina came on this episode shared her wisdom and was able to connect with us in that way. If you want to connect with Katarina further, you can find her on Instagram, Tik Tok, and now YouTube at Katarina writes, and she does videos and content all about the personal development journey and the creative process. You can also find her podcast, nobody is doing it right. Wherever you listen to podcast, I highly recommend her podcast. Her episodes are really about 20 minutes. So if you're looking for a podcast that offers advice and support on the personal development journey, I highly recommend checking out her podcast, nobody is doing it right. And you can also visit her website Katarinawrites.com, where you can sign up for her newsletter and check out the other offerings she has there which include a journal, and a paid newsletter where she offers advice on specific questions you can ask. And you can find all that information on my website at newviewadvice.com/28. Thank you so much for tuning in to new view advice. If you have a question you'd like to hear answered on a future episode, I invite you to reach out and ask your questions. So you can reach out to me through my website at wwww.newviewadvice.com/question You can also email me at newviewadvice@gmail.com Or feel free to ask me a question through Instagram DMS tiktoks A little more difficult for some reason those DMS don't always get to me so I recommend checking me out on Instagram @newviewadvice. Thanks again for joining me for another episode of New View Advice. As always, I hope I was able to offer you a new view on whatever you may be going through. sending you all my love. See you next time

  Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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