Reflections is a weekly minisode series where I share stories and writings from my own healing journey. I have found that it’s often through reflection that we are able to see our own journeys more clearly.
New episodes of reflections are released every Friday. Below you can also read the stories and writings I share each week.
In the final episode of Season 1 of Reflections, I dive into the question I am most commonly asked - after everything I have survived, how do I still have faith? This story is about how leaning into faith helped me to survive my darkest days. I share the intimate story of grappling with suicidal thoughts and how an astonishing midnight miracle helped reignite my hope after the death of my close friend and sexual assault.
This week's reflection is about how I made everyone uncomfortable surviving sexual assault. The more I tried to talk about sexual violence, sexual assault, and rape, the more I felt shamed. As I reflect on my healing journey, I see clearly now how painful it was for people to be so uncomfortable with me and my story, and how I don't think that needs to be the case.
In this episode, I reflect on the bystander effect. What responsibility did the bystanders have to step in, speak up, or intervene when I was being raped? Throughout my healing journey, I have asked myself how can I trust people to do what's right after living through this experience.
This story is about betrayal by women after sexual assault. I speak of two women I felt betrayed by - one was the teenage girl who was with me the night I was raped, and the other was a spiritual leader who betrayed me when I went to her for help and healing. This story goes into the complexities and feelings of betrayal in the aftermath of sexual trauma.
This is a story about my experience survivor's guilt. I share how I suffered from survivor's guilt as I was healing from sexual violence and suicidal ideation. I share this story as an example of survivor's guilt and how I processed the intense feelings of guilt and unworthiness.
In the episode I share a poem about the healing journey, and especially my experience healing from fear. I wrote this poem when reflecting on how fear used to debilitate me, but overtime I have learned how to navigate the fears that arise.
In the episode I share a story about a time in my life when I was grappling with the horrors of sexual violence and my own near-death experience. During this time, I cross paths with another victim of sexual violence, but she was murdered at age 15. This story is in honor of Courtney Wilkes and the profound impact her life has had on me as a survivor of sexual trauma.
In this episode, I tell a story about an experience I had in high school where I was stalked and then stalked my stalker. I share this story because I judged myself and felt shame for this experience for a very long time. I now know, after years of healing, that this was a trauma response and I am not alone with feeling lost and insane in the aftermath of sexual trauma.
Welcome to Reflections, a New View Advice minisode series! Each week I read short stories from my own healing journey. This week I share a story about a time I got really really angry after finding out that one of the guys that raped me got engaged. I share this story as an inside look at what it can look like to heal from trauma and to hopefully help someone out there who may have intense feelings and not be sure if they are normal.
