Attachment issues have been a popular interest in the healing space over the past several years. While it’s great that we’re now aware of the topic and its effect on our behavior, we seem to be reaching a counterintuitive level of awareness. They’ve almost become a part of our identity. Instead of using them to understand each other, we’re using them to remain misunderstood.

Finding out who I am has been a beautiful process. In the past, when faced with that question, I would list the traits I carried, the masks I wore, the roles I played - but that wasn’t the same as knowing myself. I could name traits like kind, funny, thoughtful. But to know yourself beyond some personality traits is a treasure that somehow many people have seemed to have lost.

As a survivor of rape, I wrote these gentle affirmations to support your journey healing from sexual assault and rape. Healing takes time, self-love, and deep compassion. May these words remind you: you are worthy of feeling safe, loved, and powerful.

I have a big heart. I get my feelings hurt a lot. I care deeply. And that’s okay. I love my big heart and the way I love and care for others. But mixed in with that love is some clutter - things I sometimes disguise as sensitivity or kindness. People-pleasing. Approval-seeking. That kind of clutter.

Choosing our core values is a way to align our lives with what matters most to us. When we know our core values, we can make decisions that reflect who we are and who we want to become.

Worry is inevitable. Our minds latch onto problems the moment they arise, and before we can acknowledge it, we are spiraling into stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. A worry chart is a simple, quick & effective way to rewire the brain to respond differently to life’s challenges.

There was a point along my healing journey where I realized self-love was a very important missing piece. In a society that teaches us to be hard on ourselves, I came to understand that it was my responsibility to unlearn and re-teach myself. Our mothers and fathers were taught these beliefs, which were passed down - consciously or not.

“What am I doing with my life?”

My therapist smiles. “You ask this question every week. It’s too big. A life is a long time. It must feel stressful always worrying about this.” 

She’s right. It does feel stressful, and also daunting. But then why can’t I let it go?

Let’s be honest, journaling can become a tedious task on the healing journey. Sometimes instead of helping, it becomes one more thing on the to-do list. This can feel stressful or overwhelming, which is the opposite of what we are trying to achieve. 

I remember a time not too long ago where every single day I lived with deep anxiety, fear, regret and uncertainty. I often asked myself if I would feel this way forever. I asked people for their perspective, wondering if it was possible to go a full day without ruminating on thoughts or memories that pulled me down.

Choosing myself isn’t always the easy answer. It often feels like the toughest choice to make. I like helping others, and making others happy. Why should I choose myself? Isn’t that being selfish? But recently, someone told me - ‘how can you help others if you won’t help yourself first?’ The truth stung.

Let hard things soften you. Sometimes I think life tries to send us messages. Sometimes they come as gentle nudges, other times they hit like a freight train. If we ignore the subtle hints, they tend to come back louder and impossible to miss. Over the last year or so, one message has kept resurfacing for me: release control. It’s shown up in different ways, over and over again.