95: Reflections on the Healing Journey
In this episode I reflect on the healing journey and what that means to me. I spend time talking about how healing is a journey of transformation and how healing transforms our life for the better. This episode is here if you are looking for some inspiration, hope, or a new view on the healing journey.
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This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Castmagic. Please forgive any typos or errors.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:01]:
Welcome to New View Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I invite you to join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get started. Hey, beautiful soul. This is Amanda Durocher. Welcome back to New View Advice. If you're new here, this is a podcast where we talk about the healing journey. Thank you so much for joining me this week.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:23]:
This week, I wanted to talk about the healing journey and how it's really a journey of transformation. And I wanna talk about this because what this means being on a journey of transformation is that you're going somewhere where you've never been before, and that can be really scary, and that can cause us to doubt ourselves. Oftentimes, we don't have proof of where we're going. So many of us want the proof before the work. Right? If you promise me I won't feel this awful, I'll do the work. Or if you promise me I'll meet the love of my life at the end of this journey, I'll do the work. But the healing journey is a journey of transformation. And when we're in the process, when we're in the process of transforming, we often don't have any proof or outside validation except that little voice in our hearts, or I like view it as the compass of our own heart that leads us where we want to go.
Amanda Durocher [00:01:15]:
And so the healing journey is so much about taking one step at a time. And I always think it's important to keep a vision of where we wanna go. So if you haven't already and you're on the healing journey, I invite you to set an intention for your journey. I've always known my intentions. And when I reach those, oftentimes there's a new intention or I'm able to see how though I've healed a lot, I still haven't quite reached the intention that I'm looking for, but it's so different for every person and it's individualized. So the healing journey isn't a journey where we're all gonna end up the same. It's an individualized journey of liberation. That's really how I view the healing journey.
Amanda Durocher [00:01:53]:
It's our own unique path. It's when we take control of our lives, even though we can't control life, we take control of our lives in the way that I always like to view it as the healing journey is embodying main character energy. It is remembering that you are the main character of your story and that any good story has obstacles and drama and moments of doubt. But, at the end of the day, we triumph over what we have battled with, and a really good story is always a story of inner transformation, an inner battle that we win. We look outside trying to find the answers, trying to fill something within us to only understand through our own story, through our own journey, that what we were seeking was always inside us, always inside us. And I say that because the healing journey isn't about fixing yourself. The healing journey is about remembering who you are. It's about connecting back to yourself and it's about loving yourself.
Amanda Durocher [00:02:56]:
I feel like self love gets this woo woo bad rap. Not even a bad rap. I feel like self love is just viewed as cheesy or it's viewed as so like cliche today, or it's viewed as overused. But the more I learn to love myself, I think self love is revolutionary. I think self love is what this world is missing. I think this world needs more people who love themselves. I look outside and by outside, it's usually, looking at the Internet. So I have moved away from using social media for the most part because I see so much division on it.
Amanda Durocher [00:03:33]:
I see so much separation. I see so much anger. I see so many people who are where they are. You know, it's not a judgment. It's just that it's not a very loving place in my opinion. And I only got a couple hours a day where I get to be, you know, I sleep and I eat and then I get to create my life with the other hours of my day. And I have just found social media. It's not the place I like to do that.
Amanda Durocher [00:04:01]:
It's not the place I like to engage in because I don't find, currently, much of a loving dialogue going on there. I mentioned that because I see a need for self love out in the world. I see a need for people to learn to love themselves, and it's not cheesy. It's necessary. And that's what we're doing on the healing journey. We're learning to love ourselves. And what is self love? It's communion with self. The healing journey and self love is to me basically, say you are a house.
Amanda Durocher [00:04:33]:
So close your eyes and picture yourself in a house. And the healing journey is that there's a knock on the door and it's a version of yourself you've left outside. Maybe this version of yourself made a mistake. Maybe this version of yourself learned they weren't enough. Maybe this version of yourself did something you regret. Maybe this version of yourself was bullied, left out by others, so then you left them out too. And the healing journey is that this version of yourself comes and knocks on your door, and it's learning to let them in. It's learning to open that door to them, let them in, and let them have their full experience.
Amanda Durocher [00:05:08]:
This version of yourself who comes in may bring mud in. They may be angry. They may throw something at your wall. Are you going to kick them out again? Or are you going to say, I get it. I'm so sorry. Let me help you clean that up. And I think that that is the healing journey in a nutshell. It's opening the door to the parts of ourselves that we have deemed unworthy, that we have deemed not enough, or we have deemed unforgivable.
Amanda Durocher [00:05:32]:
So I talk a lot about my life on the podcast, and I really view it as I've survived a lot of things. And I think that I struggle with sharing sometimes because I'm afraid, If I'm honest, I have fears. Around sharing, not because I think I'm too much. It's more that I'm afraid of others thinking that they can't heal or that they can't relate to what I've gone through because it's extreme, where I think that the extreme circumstances I survived allow me to be empathetic towards everybody and to see that some of the most painful things I survived weren't the violent experiences I had, but actually the really harsh words of the people I trusted. You know, I think some of the hardest things for me to get past wasn't being raped even though that was extremely hard. But some of the things said to me in the aftermath have been the hardest things for me to move fast. And that I think we can all relate to. Moments where people said the wrong thing and it stuck because we didn't know how to have our own back at the time.
Amanda Durocher [00:06:46]:
And I keep saying what I think the healing journey is. That's another thing I think the healing journey is. It's just learning to have our own back. We've all learned how to self abandon. I talked about that a lot in 1 on 1 sessions this week. And self abandonment is learning to turn away from ourselves. It's learning to kick parts of ourselves out that door, that metaphorical door I talked about, and abandon parts of ourselves in order to very often belong, to fit in, or to fit a mold we think will bring us love. And the healing journey is the remembering that self love is the best love.
Amanda Durocher [00:07:21]:
Because you're with you from the moment you are born to the moment you die. You are with you. Nobody else is with you for the entire journey. That's why you're the main character of your story because you are with you the whole time. You are the protagonist of your life. You deserve to enjoy it. You deserve to feel free and liberated of all those nasty thoughts you may be telling yourself. Maybe you're nice to yourself, and maybe you're more judgmental of others.
Amanda Durocher [00:07:48]:
Well, you deserve to live in a peaceful mind where you're not judging yourself or other people. I know for me, my mind's been more cruel to myself than other people. I have allowed other people's words to hurt me time and time again, and I've also allowed them to speak my truth for me. And that has been something I've had to heal from. I've had to recognize the times I've abandoned myself. You know, one of those ways would be with my work. Right? With this podcast, I've allowed other people to define what it is, what it should be. I've allowed people to make me feel insecure.
Amanda Durocher [00:08:18]:
I've allowed people to put it down, to make me feel inferior. I mentioned that though because I feel like I allowed people to make me feel that way. There's a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that's super popular, which is no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And it's really true that the more we embody our enoughness, the less those words of others matter. And it doesn't mean the whole world's gonna then magically support you. But if you have your own back, if you believe you are enough, if you embody that enoughness, then nobody can make you feel inferior because you know you, because you know your intentions, you know your heart, and you know why you are moving in the direction you're moving in. Right? You're following that heart compass. That's what I think healing is.
Amanda Durocher [00:09:03]:
We're following the compass of our heart, and we have faith that it will bring us to a life free of the pain of the past or whatever you are desiring. You know? For me in my life, my intention for healing has always been to feel free. Actually, for a long time, it was to feel happy because I didn't feel happiness. I didn't know how to feel it. I've really never felt happy. Little moments of it, but I really wanted to feel happy. And happiness to me was like contentment, peace, lightness. And recently, I do feel happy, But what I was really desiring, I now see, was freedom.
Amanda Durocher [00:09:41]:
Freedom of the PTSD. Freedom of the past. Freedom of the horrible things people said to me, freedom of the people not believing me. That has been so challenging to unravel, and I've spoke about that with some 1 on 1 clients this week, what it's like to live through not being believed in your truth. And I think so many people have experienced that in different ways. Somebody not believing you along the way. Somebody invalidating you. Somebody making you feel crazy.
Amanda Durocher [00:10:07]:
Somebody making you believe that maybe that truth you are living was wrong and how painful that is. And that can create self abandonment where we give up our truth and we replace it with their truth. I did that my entire upbringing, and it's been a journey home to self to reclaim my truth by understanding that I did it at the time because I needed to. It was a form of safety. It was a form of protection, and I didn't feel like I had any other choice. When I was living a life in my especially my teen years, I would consider freshman year to senior year the most traumatic years of my life. I thank god every day that I'm still here that I survived those 4 years of my life. And the truth is I was raped my freshman year, but the years themselves were the hardest part for me to reconcile with, for me to forgive and for me to process.
Amanda Durocher [00:10:58]:
So I'd say that because I hear a lot of people say to me, oh, well, you experienced big t's, so big traumas. I've only experienced little traumas. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Amanda Durocher [00:11:07]:
Any kind of trauma deserves to be honored. Do not compare your trauma to mine. I do not compare yours to mine. I believe everybody on the healing journey has a heart they are healing from moments where they have felt broken. So whatever you are healing from, I honor that. There is no judgment here. I'm about to go on a little rant, and I apologize for that. But I just wanna say that this is a safe space because it is judgment free.
Amanda Durocher [00:11:33]:
It is not because we don't have tough conversations. It's because we do have tough conversations and we have them without judgment that creates a safe space. I've seen the word safe space thrown around a lot over the past couple years, and I don't think all those spaces are safe. I need to say that here, that when I say this is a safe space, it doesn't mean we don't have tough conversations, and it doesn't mean we don't hold each other accountable, and it doesn't mean that we don't hold ourselves accountable. I think safety comes when we create safety within and when we take accountability and responsibility for our own lives. I am so sorry for whatever you've been through. I am so sorry if people have done horrific things to you. I'm so sorry.
Amanda Durocher [00:12:12]:
I really am. I have sat with my own heart. I feel like I have been to the depths of hell, and I have clawed my way out. I get it. But safety is having judgment free places to talk about it. It's not judging the other side. It's not being here and judging people who aren't healing because I get them too. There were points in my healing journey I wasn't sure I'd survived the fucking healing from the things I've survived.
Amanda Durocher [00:12:37]:
Excuse my language. I know that offends people, but also it was fucking hard. And I don't know another word besides the f word to sum it up sometimes. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts on that because safe spaces. Just something I've been reflecting on. I guess I wanted to share that with you. Because, yeah, I'm rebranding right now. I'm redoing some things for my website.
Amanda Durocher [00:12:59]:
I hope to off lean more into offering free resources and having my website really be a place where you can go if you're looking for things to assist you in self healing. And I've been wondering about that word safe. Am I a safe space? Am I 20 20 fours version of a safe space? And I was talking to a friend recently about it and she was like, yeah. Because you're nonjudgment judgment space. And that's what I think a safe space is. But I don't know. Some of these safe spaces today make me a little confused and make me a little hesitant to use that word. And safety is so important.
Amanda Durocher [00:13:32]:
Safety is a foundation of healing. We have to feel safe in order to heal And that's what we're creating here, safety within ourselves, safety within that house within us. So anyways, thank you for letting me share that. And so to sum this episode up, I just wanted to let you know that wherever you're at is okay and I know how hard it can be. I've been there. I can still be there. 2 days ago was really hard for me. Today's a really good day.
Amanda Durocher [00:13:59]:
So I got to record and I'm excited to be here behind the microphone because I don't always feel like I can do this. Like, I can show up. I'm doing the best I can over here and I trust that you're doing the best you can too. And so this week I just wanted to let you know that if you're healing, you're in the midst of transformation, which means that you are a butterfly. What do I mean by that? Before the healing journey, we are a caterpillar. Just going about thinking that the only way to live is being a caterpillar. And then one day, we get the call to cocoon. Something sparks us, like, the caterpillar gets that spark that it's time to cocoon.
Amanda Durocher [00:14:37]:
And they go into their cocoon, and they completely break down. Think about that. A caterpillar goes from a caterpillar to complete mush and has to rebuild itself cell by cell. That is what we are doing here on the healing journey. We're rebuilding ourselves brick by brick, step by step. And then one day, one day soon, you begin to break out of that cocoon and you become a butterfly. But remember, when you're stepping out of that cocoon, that's effort. It's work.
Amanda Durocher [00:15:08]:
That butterfly has to work at getting out of that cocoon. It doesn't just happen within a second. It takes time. It takes energy. And that's another part of the healing journey is that many times after we've looked at something, processed it, and felt the feelings, embodying the new version of ourselves is uncomfortable. We're breaking out of that cocoon. It doesn't happen overnight. We don't just heal and then we're boom, I'm a new person.
Amanda Durocher [00:15:32]:
Oh, my god. Look at me. I'm fantastic. Takes some effort. It takes some energy. It takes a new knowing. It's a beginner's mindset. And that's something I love about the healing journey.
Amanda Durocher [00:15:42]:
I think we're always in a beginner's mindset. It's very humbling. And I think that there's a lot of arrogant people in the world, so healing is humbling. And I think that's such a beautiful part of it because I think the world could use some more humble people. The truth is, we're all just doing the best we can. Nobody knows it all, and we're always beginning again in a different phase of life, in a different way of being, in a different moment in time. And I just think that deserves to be honored, and it isn't always honored. Instead, a lot of arrogant people get a lot of time and attention. And sometimes I think the humble people sit back and they don't always speak up.
Amanda Durocher [00:16:16]:
And I think we could use to hear from some of those humble people. So if that's you, I'd love to hear from you. I think we all would. And I honor you. I honor where you're at. We're in this together. I truly believe that. I truly believe that you and I are healing together.
Amanda Durocher [00:16:30]:
And I'm so grateful for that. And I'm so grateful for everybody who reaches out and everybody who's a part of this community. So I just wanna thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being you, and thank you so much for healing. I don't know if anybody's ever said that to you. Nobody said that to me. Thank you for healing, Amanda.
Amanda Durocher [00:16:46]:
I wanna say that to you. Thank you. Thank you. You are making the world a better place by taking responsibility for your life by looking at your inner world by healing. Thank you. You are changing the world no matter where you're at. I think so many people can get caught in wanting to be 10 steps down the road. Just be where you are today as this new version of yourself, as this healing version of yourself.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:10]:
Be honest with people. Be vulnerable if you feel safe to and know that you are not alone. Thousands of people are here listening to this podcast healing with you, and thousands and thousands, if not millions, of people are healing worldwide. And don't listen to this podcast. And that's totally okay. I say that because you are not alone. And I hope that this episode maybe gave you some hope this week or gave you something to think about. But thank you so much for being here.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:36]:
Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for your continued support. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate every single person who listens, every single person that helps me to continue to show up here. I am so grateful for this space. It has changed my life for the better, and I am just grateful to be here with you. So thank you. Thank you. I'm just filled with gratitude today, and I hope that's coming across.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:57]:
And I hope this episode made sense because I'm not always sure I make sense, to be honest with you. It's one of my insecurities. People always tell me I'm articulate and I don't always hear it myself. So I'm just grateful that you hear it. Anyways, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of newbie advice. If you haven't, I invite you to subscribe or follow the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts so that way you don't miss an episode and that way we can continue to connect weekly I love connecting with each and every one of you. So thank you so much. I'm sending you all my love.
Amanda Durocher [00:18:28]:
I hope I was able to offer you a new view this week. See you next time.
