What I Would Tell My Past Self
Sometimes I think about what I could say if I had my past self in front of me. As I've grown, let go, healed, experienced new things: I think of how much of what I know now that I would love to teach her.
If I was sitting with my past self right now, I'd take her to my favorite forest preserve. I'd encourage her to spend more time with herself and with nature. I'd hug her so tight and tell her she is okay - that I am here for her.
I'd tell her she's going to make mistakes. And through those mistakes - including ones she thought she could never forgive herself for - she'd find herself. She'd find self love, compassion, empathy for herself and others, and have deeper and more fulfilling relationships. I'd tell her these mistakes don't define her, but that through the darkness, she will come out on the other side.
What was once a painful wound will become deep wisdom.
I would warn her that there will come a point where nothing feels okay and she won't know who she is. I would remind her that I'll be there every step of the way, that she will make it through it and come out someone who is sure of who they are and truly likes themselves. I'd reassure her that of course it will feel messy at first - she's only known how to act and who to be based on how everyone around her told her to her entire life.
I want to say that I'd want to shake her by the shoulders and ask her what SHE wants, to tell her to start listening to herself when something doesn't feel right, to make decisions that others don't agree with if they protect her peace and support her well being.
But I know at this time she isn't ready to hear that.
She will find her way. So instead, what I offer her in my moment with her is something that she didn't have at the time. I'd tell her I am here for her and will help protect and support her. I will support her like a parent that she really needed. I will be the best friend that she didn't have.
What I would tell my past self if she was in front of me would be to be more kind to herself. To treat herself the way she would a friend or family - to live life in a way that pleases herself first and not last.
But here's the thing - I can have my past self in front of me.
I can see her wherever and whenever I want to see her. When I close my eyes, sit with myself and welcome her forward. And through doing that, I believe I'm healing for myself and every version of me that has been and that will be.
