38: Healing Trauma with Maryann Samreth

Travel

Oct 5

In this episode, I talk with special guest, Maryann Samreth (@sincerelymissmary) about the long and windy journey of healing from trauma. We discuss our own healing journeys, as well as answer a question about where to start when healing from trauma, and another question asking if you have to look at your past in order to heal.

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Episode References:

Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Therapist
Need a new journal? Check these out!

Book Recommendations:

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Learn More About Maryann Samreth:

Maryann Samreth is a memoir writing coach guiding people to write a best-selling book and create the impact they were born to make. She is the creator of the somatic trauma writing method helping people bring their stories to life in a safe, embodied, and healing way. She has published over 100 poems and personal essays online and has reached over 1 million people as a viral content creator on Instagram, TikTok, and her podcast, Mental Breakthrough. She is also the founder of Sincerely Miss Mary, where she directs groups and 1:1 coaching programs for memoir writing.

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

24:14 Listener Question 1
44:35 Listener Question 2

Connect with Maryann Samreth:

Instagram: @sincerelymissmary
TikTok: @sincerelymissmary
Or check out her website: https://www.sophiawiseone.com/

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This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Otter. Please forgive any typos or errors.
Amanda Durocher 0:00
Welcome to New View Advice, a safe place for you to ask your most vulnerable questions about life, relationships, healing, and so much more. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher and I believe our fears and traumas are often what holds us back from living life to the fullest. Join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever is holding you back from being your best self. Let's get started. Hey, there beautiful souls. My name is Amanda and this is newbie advice. If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast where it is my intention to offer you guidance along the healing journey. It is not my intention to give you all the answers. It is my intention to guide you back to your own heart because I believe you have all the answers you seek. Thank you for tuning into today's episode today is going to be a bit different than our usual episode format because today is an interview episode. And today we will be talking about healing from trauma with Maryann Samreth. Maryann is an inspiration for healing from trauma. She has been very vocal on social media about her healing journey. And she has a podcast as well called mental breakthrough where she talks about her healing journey as well. Today we will be talking about Mary Ann and her healing journey. And together we answer two questions. One from somebody asking what do we recommend for someone at the beginning of their journey healing from trauma? And the second question is from somebody wondering, does everyone have to look at their past in order to heal. So before we jump into today's episode, I wanted to give you a quick introduction on Marianne. Marianne Samra is a memoir writing coach guiding people to write a best selling book and create the impact they were born to make. She is the creator of the somatic trauma writing method, helping people bring their stories to life in a safe, embodied and healing way. She has published over 100 poems and personal essays online and has reached over 1 million people as a viral content creator on Instagram, Tik Tok and her podcast mental breakthrough. She's also the founder of sincerely Miss Mary, where she directs groups and one on one coaching programs for memoir writing. I really enjoyed having this conversation with Maryann. And without further ado, let's jump on into today's episode.
Amanda Durocher 2:16
Hi, and welcome to New View Advice. today. I have Mary Ann Samreth with me, and she is a trauma writing coach. Hi, Maryann. Hello. I'm so excited to have you here. Maryann and I took the same podcast class, but we missed each other. So it was called the podcast launch accelerator with Melissa Geller. If anybody wants to start a podcast, I highly recommend it. Yeah, that's how I first heard of you.
Maryann Samreth 2:40
Yeah. And then we follow each other on TikTok. So that's probably why we feel like we know each other. Tik tok is just like, you feel like you're in the room with someone.
Amanda Durocher 2:49
I know. This is like the first time we're talking but I feel so comfortable with you already. Because I'm like, Oh my gosh, I just feel like you're so active on Tik Tok, I find you very inspiring. I am super inspired by your videos and how open you are about your own journey. So today, we're gonna be talking about healing from trauma. Because Mary and I both have experience with that. And Marianne is such a light worker like you're such a bright light for people who are going through it in our in the work.
Maryann Samreth 3:19
Oh, thank you that that really means a lot. I hope so.
Amanda Durocher 3:23
Yeah, I think that it's so important for people to see that other people are doing it and that you're just so honest about your journey and how like it's messy, right?
Maryann Samreth 3:33
Yeah, it's messy. It's imperfect. It's not linear. And it's just the truth and not enough people talk about it. So I want to be as real and honest about this journey, because we all are going through it and it's okay to just be where we are, wherever that is. Yeah, I
Amanda Durocher 3:49
love that. I definitely struggle with perfectionism. I think so many of us do. And seeing people like you show up so authentically is just so inspiring for me. Oh, good. I love to hear that. So I was wondering if you could tell everybody a little about yourself and maybe how you started your healing journey.
Maryann Samreth 4:06
My journey was a wild ride so much that I made it to season one of my podcast mental breakthrough. So basically where my story begins, is my axe who I was with for five years. His best friend sexually assaulted me and when I confided my partner about what happened I was victim blame victim shamed gaslit manipulated for over a year and a half. And I was completely stuck in that relationship completely stuck in that trauma. I had no idea to get out. And that's when I turned to writing and I was also in therapy at the time that was probably like my lowest low was around that that year and my therapist recommended I start just journaling my emotions just to regulate my my emotions because I was so severely depressed and just in this like dark night of the soul season In which I also heard someone say dark night of the ego, which I like better. And she, my therapist recommended I start writing. So I was just doing this on my notes app off my iPhone just for myself not sharing with the world. And around that time I began reading poetry and I go into meditation sessions and my writing just grew from like, two or three, just like rage, writing about what was going on in my life to poetry, it just evolved into poetry. And that's when I started publishing online on Instagram, because I just felt like this desire to be witnessed. I was, you know, at the time, I was designing as a fashion designer at Tommy Hilfiger. And what people saw of me on the outside was what I you know, curated for them. I was, you know, also a perfectionist. I also it was just like, I have the glamorous New York City Fashion Design Life, I did it I'm not allowed to have drama. I'm not allowed to show that I have any negative thing happening in my life. Because I'm living the dream. I'm, you know, like, there's pressure when you're that person coming from the Midwest. And people idolize you, like, you feel like you can't have anything wrong in your life. So I played that role. And it was just so exhausting. So sincerely Miss Mary was where I could be real and true and just live document the truth of what was happening in my life. So I was living a double life. I was sincerely Miss Mary on Instagram, writing my truths, publishing like five to 10 times a day, not telling anyone what I was doing. And then this other version of Maryann, the New York City Fashion designer, Marion's what everyone saw. So yeah, it was weird being two different people. It was like a year and a half. Like, eventually, I slowly started telling people about that Instagram account, and then what I was going through, and eventually, like, I was able to get to a place where you know, like the big moment, which is the episode one of my podcasts where I condemn my perpetrator on my personal Instagram account as sincerely Miss Mary. So like on my Maryann CRF one, and that's when like, shit hit the fan. That's when my ex dumped to me. And that's when like that Instagram account was found that was when people you know, the just truths just came out, it was me ready to emerge. It was the real me, like two different versions of me being one and coming into the world as both Marian Samet and sincerely Miss Mary, which is like the person you see today. And within that writing process that I had analyzed by like therapists and healers, like that's what I now teach to people that want to write their memoirs that have come, you know, from lots of adversity and trauma, I teach them that same writing process to help them feel safe within the writing process and access their highest self as they're writing their books.
Amanda Durocher 7:49
I love that. I love that so much. You said so much that I'm just like, yes. And I wanted to touch on but one thing that really stood out to me was, I love how your journey. It's such a big scale of living like two different lives. But I think so many people when they start the healing journey, experience that like that divide of self. Yeah, like, it's like, there's the you that's always been in relationships, because I know I experienced this. And then there's the you that's healing and the you that's discovering you. Like, it's like you're discovering the new you. And the but you're still being the old
Maryann Samreth 8:24
do. Yeah, it's this weird, like a divide of being, like having your foot in two places of who you used to be and who you are. And that's that transitional state because you're like, Who do I become for who? And then you're just like, well, maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I just be all of it.
Amanda Durocher 8:43
Yeah, and I think that it's like, for so long, so many of us were living for others in a way, you know, like the people pleasing the codependency. And the healing journey is really like a journey back to self to journey back to like, who am I? And I feel like it's a part of the healing journey that's not always talked about where it's like, you know, like, I started off with my healing journey, healing from grief, death of loved ones and sexual assault and rape. And I didn't realize that it was going to actually entail so much more right like reclaiming myself and changing myself in all my relationships for a long time. I thought I would I was a heavy drinker. So I thought that I could be drunk Amanda and spiritual healed, Amanda and it wasn't until last year when I stopped drinking that it was like oh, that's that was my merging of like my lives because it's like the other people in my life finally didn't see drunk command anymore so they had to see the new me
Maryann Samreth 9:34
right right I also I'm I'm also now sober. I was also a heavy drinker especially I mean, it's it's hard not to be in New York City. It's so ingrained in the culture. And yeah, I also gave up alcohol and it's definitely like the the reclaiming of self. That process is not something that people talk about that transitional state of like, you know, you are grieving your old self or you are grieving that past version of you. because you know that person so while that person is still familiar, you're comfortable with that person. And you have to grieve it and I think that's that like weird transitional state of like moving forward towards that you know, this person you are today and who you want to be that you also simultaneously grief your past self. And yeah, that's not talked about enough because also like when that happens, you lose people to like I've lost a lot of friends. Like there's a lot of like, think I made a tic tac where I was like, yeah, there was like six Brides, I was a bridesmaid with not friends with them anymore. And it's just, it happens. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just part of that healing journey.
Amanda Durocher 10:38
Yeah, I love that you talked about the grieving part too, because it really is like, what I tried to talk about a lot on this podcast is that the grieving process isn't just when people die. Like we go through the grieving process, like our entire lives. And one way we really do that is like grieving our past selves, grieving who we thought we were grieving the parts of ourselves, we like cling on to like, please let me have this limiting belief. Like it makes life so much easier. It makes me relatable, it makes me whatever your excuses for keeping it. But the more you come home to yourself, it's like, you just have to let the things go that are holding you back. But that's not easy.
Maryann Samreth 11:15
It's not and also, like the word grief is such a scary word. But also it's such a beautiful process, because you go through this kind of like cycle where you, you know, there's anger, there's rage, there's like denial. But then like, at the end of that cycle, there's acceptance, and there's love, and it's just compassion. And you come out of that other side, just loving your past self more and building relationships with that past version. Because I used to believe that as I was becoming new versions of myself, I would just kill off my old versions of me, like that person just is dead to me. And that's not the case. Like we don't shame our past selves, we build relationships with them, we understand them. Because those past versions of us that was in so much pain needed the most love, and they need our love now, they're still a part of us.
Amanda Durocher 12:01
Yes, I love that you say that, because it's so true. And it's really like the killing off of it is the shame, right? It's like when we shame ourselves. It's like that, that severe cut off of parts of ourselves. But the healing process is going back to like, every single time we felt shame and buried it and yeah, really coming home to ourselves. And it's, I think I agree, it's just so beautiful. Because like, I'm just like thinking about all these past version of myself, and just how much you just kind of fall in love with yourself. And you're just like, I always say my biggest regret is that I just wasn't kinder to myself along the way. It's still the hardest thing I do is like, I'll get caught in a healing thing. And I'll be so rough on myself. I even caught myself today. And then I was like, Oh my gosh, why are you being so mean to yourself while you're working through some layers of unworthiness. Like you know, that this is just how it works. It's not easy to sit with this, like just can you love yourself through it rather than just criticize yourself and think you should be somewhere else.
Maryann Samreth 12:59
And that's like, even even recognizing that you're doing that that like act of recognizing that action is just shows how much you have grown, because that's something like I'm starting to like build a relationship with my inner child. And when I start to get triggered, I'm just like, I go back to her. And I'm like, Hey, like, I see you like sweet girl, like you're okay. And I've never done that before until recently. And just having that awareness of, you know, when we're treating ourselves that way is just showing how far we've come.
Amanda Durocher 13:29
Yeah, most of my life has just been which I think most people it's like, just been those ego thoughts, or like, the inner critic is like what I usually call it, and it's just letting that other voice come in more often. That's like the small sign that you're healing. You know, it sounds small, but it's actually very big, if that makes sense.
Maryann Samreth 13:47
Yeah, definitely. Because it adds up. You know, like, the quicker we're able to recognize that inner critic as that's just like a disembodied voice, the more we're able to get to our embodied state quicker.
Amanda Durocher 13:59
Before we move into question. I also did want to touch on your writing process, because you're a trauma writing coach, your process sounds so different than mine. I'm also a writer. So I was just so interested to hear more about it.
Maryann Samreth 14:11
Yeah. So I mean, I could go on about this for an hour. I'll just give like the quick download. So the way that I teach my writing, I use somatic ifs internal family systems. I don't know if you're familiar with ifs, but basically, it's a concept used to help people recovering from trauma or just have a lot of anxiety. It's this idea that we have an embodied self, a core self that has protectors and basically these bodyguards surrounding our embodied self and they call them the manager the exile or the firefighter. So like the firefighter is like the part of you that gets reactive when you get triggered. The manager is the one that's like over analyzing something overthinking something, and the exile is like implicit memory. So that's where trauma is stored. So like It's our subconscious beliefs. So I use that. And I also use somatic experiencing, which is tapping into the part of ourselves that feels good when we write and just leaning into it. And this is something that I was doing when I was writing before I got these certifications, like, I was doing this while I was writing. So if you look back at my Instagram account, like, I would write my emotions in real time. So if I was super, super angry at my axe for like a victim blaming me, then I would write from that wound, and just have that part of my body speak. And so you see, like, I'm pretty common now. But like, if you look back at my Instagram, you see, like a darker version of me just like a like, you know, someone that really doesn't need to get those words out the stories out. So every time I'd feel a strong emotion, I would just write it out in real time. And that was somatic IMS, that was letting parts of my bodies speak because there are some parts where like, within a year, like my poems, I was accessing my highest self, my embodied self, like I'd be giving, like wisdom about like being in, you know, this healing journey and how I'm going through so much, you know, shadow, I'm in my shadow, but I still see the light. So like, you see that you see me speak from all parts of myself, which is pretty amazing. And the somatic experiencing part comes in for me, like it was writing my truths, so much accessing, you know, the parts of my body that needed to speak that I was moving energy. So this is kind of like, happening without you like realizing it. And that was what allowed me to get out of that relationship. Because what I've learned from my personal healing journey is that I am stuck in a trauma freeze response. That's something I'm currently working on, because I have PTSD and complex PTSD. So like, in that relationship, like I was truly stuck in, like my body, my physiological body was just stuck in that, and writing was moving that energy, and getting out. So I don't know if I really explained the process, it's, it's hard to explain if you're like not doing it. But it's basically like you're writing from your inner child, you're writing from your present self and your writing from what I like to call your future self, the person that you aspire to be that person that you have, you know, you're closing your eyes, you're envisioning like this person that you're going to be in five or 10 years, and you you kind of channeled that into your present body. Now, that's your light. That's your hope that's, you know, the place that you aspire to be. And that is something outside of you is always guiding you towards the light. And I think as trauma survivors, we have this hope, but we have this kind of like inner light that we're following that's always inside of us.
Amanda Durocher 17:42
I love that I do that all the time. I didn't know there was like a name for it. But I like write my emotions all the time. I think it's so beautiful that you do it publicly, though. I definitely. I'm trying to balance the line of like, what should I be sharing? You know, but I find it so inspiring that you show up as every version of yourself, you know, I never post on social media. So I obviously am not finding quite the line. I want to Oh, I wanted to say about that was do you find it hard sometimes to show up so authentically, like you're like in my Instagram? Like you'd read angry posts or sad posts? Do you find it hard? And then is it also healing though it like to be seen?
Maryann Samreth 18:21
Yeah, I mean, I will say it was a lot easier to be anonymous, I was anonymous for a year and a half. And like no one knew for a while. And then I slowly started telling people maybe like a year into it. And being anonymous was just very, very freeing. And I was just completely unfiltered. And I was just able to say whatever I wanted to. And that's what that's what I needed at that time, because I wasn't someone that openly spoke about the things that I needed support, and I wanted to fix it myself. So at that time, that was healing for me. And then when I became an anonymous and started showing the world this is me, that was also healing. So like, one didn't negate the other. I think it was like the time of my life. Like this is what I needed. Like I was in a place that I was like, You know what I'm ready to be witnessed and my truths. And also I want to show others the way to like it was like going from writer to like a leader basically like I was ready to be in this role where I wanted to be in leadership. I wanted to show others how to do this too. And to be witness for your truth is also healing in and of itself. Like the idea of collective healing and being in sisterhood, like to be witness for your truth and to be supported and validated. And your experiences is also incredibly healing. So it's all it's all healing.
Amanda Durocher 19:46
Yeah, I love that. I think it's so beautiful how you respected your needs when you needed them right so when you needed to be anonymous, you respected that and then when it was time for the next like to uplevel right like how you said like to go from a writer to liter as you said, it was you respected that too. And you took that leap of faith because that's what it is. Anytime we do anything new, it's really like taking that leap of faith and believing the net will appear.
Maryann Samreth 20:10
Yeah, exactly. I was just talking about this to myself on Tiktok. How, like, when we are reaching for our dreams, and we're stepping into it, we're in this state of uncertainty. And we have to just believe in ourselves, we have to have blind faith that it'll work out. And that's the only way to step into your dreams to be in the not knowing and hope for you know, things to work out for you. Yes,
Amanda Durocher 20:33
I feel like I talked about that in like the last two episodes I recorded to sometimes you just have to do it, you know, you just have to, it can be so scary to take that first step. But really, especially I feel like as trauma survivors, because we have such stuck energy sometimes in our body. So like for me, I know, like when I started this podcast, I actually felt like I was gonna die. Like it just need to. Like, I was like, I thought it was gonna be Episode One that scared me it was actually just the trailer. I was like, I'm so seen. Remember that I am so scared. I remember. You know, it was like hitting that upper limit problem that's talked about in the big leap, where it's like, I did something so big. I started screaming out my partner, like I let the rest of the world fall apart. Because I was like, I was self sabotage.
Maryann Samreth 21:19
It's scary. It's scary to take up space when you've been you know, you are a trauma survivor. I had so many moments where you weren't able to or you got punished for for taking up space, which is like defending yourself. So totally makes sense that you know, I was the same way I remember like I edited my like a two minute trailer for like eight hours. Yeah. And then like the the first few episodes came out, and I remember like my crazy psycho acts like stalked my tiktoks and was just like liking things on tick tock, right before my podcast came out. And I was just like, Oh, my God, this is the worst. But it all worked out. It always Yeah, it always works out.
Amanda Durocher 21:57
Yeah. And like we say this not to like scare you just to be like, it is going to be scary. Like you're not wrong. If you feel scared about taking any next step. It's very normal. But it almost shows you like how resilient you are, how strong you are. Because like the more new things you start to do, it gets easier
Maryann Samreth 22:15
and does it and the eases knowing you deserve it.
Amanda Durocher 22:18
I know for me, this podcast has definitely been worth overcoming my fears, because of all the people I've connected with, and all that and I'm sure for you, you feel very similar that all the fears you've overcome have been worth it.
Maryann Samreth 22:29
Yeah, I mean, in order to make any kind of impact in the world, you do have to be seeing that. And everything that comes all the scary things that come with being seen. Like it's worth it to reach the people that need need to hear your story need to hear your words like we are brave enough to be seen. And that's how you create social impact. You can't create social impact by like being in a cave. This is also like me telling myself to like write that damn memoir and publish it.
Amanda Durocher 22:56
I know. And you say that, too. I'm like, I can't tell you how many times I've sat in my meditation room. And but like, are we sure we can't do this from a cave?
Maryann Samreth 23:05
The only one like, that has a platform like and also like considers going back to the cave.
Amanda Durocher 23:14
Yeah, like I always say, I'd be really happy if I just sat on a rock in the middle of nowhere. Like that would bring me happiness. And you know, I said that last week. And the truth is, I couldn't totally be happy sitting on a rock in the middle of nowhere. But every fear that I face, because I'm not doing that it's like those still would have been with me in the cave, or on the rock. So I'm actually even though it can be really hard, and I just want to retreat. It's like it's actually a blessing and a gift to continue to challenge myself.
Maryann Samreth 23:45
That is so true. Because yeah, if we were in our cave, we would probably be dying because we're like, never knowing what it would be like to have done all the things that we have done. And that's sometimes even worse, not knowing what you're capable of, because you're too scared to do it. Like it's kind of, at least for me, and this sounds like you do like we kind of just have to do it. If we fall we fall.
Amanda Durocher 24:05
Yes, exactly. Yeah, I totally I yeah, I totally agree. Okay, let's jump into question one.
Maryann Samreth 24:12
Yeah, sounds good. Cool.
Amanda Durocher 24:14
Question one, what do you recommend for someone at the beginning of their journey, healing from trauma? This is a great question. I think that so many people can relate to this question. So thank you for writing this question in. And I think that this is especially prevalent right now, because I think so many people over the past two years with living through a pandemic have been forced to sit with themselves in ways they never were before because I think such a trauma coping mechanism is to run from yourself. And over the past few years, so many people, at least I know that I've heard from through this podcast have had to face themselves in ways they haven't. So I think this is a great question. So thank you. What would your first recommendation be for somebody at the beginning.
Maryann Samreth 25:02
So, I would say that and this is something that I wish I would have done. Because I just went straight into therapy, I would have asked for support from my friends, I would have asked it, I would have told people what was wrong and that I needed support. Because for me, I kind of went on this journey. Alone, I didn't really have anyone. So I was like, Well, I guess I'll go see a therapist. And, you know, then I like reached out for support. But I would have loved to just have given people the opportunity to, to have been there for me throughout this process. And even though like I'm fully supported, now, I'm just like, Man, if I just like would have asked it like someone to be there for me in the beginning, like they would have been there earlier. So I would say just having a good support system, whether it's friends, family, anyone that you can talk to, to just make the process of asking for, for like professional health, whether you go through the route of therapy, or you do coaching, to really just be supported through through the process of getting help for yourself.
Amanda Durocher 26:08
I think that is such a beautiful answer. And I totally agree that making sure you have a support system and finding that safe environment to heal in is such an important first step, because when you're healing from trauma, it's like you're healing from extreme unsafety. Like, it's like safety is the first thing you need to build for yourself. So I totally agree, I think that's such a beautiful answer that the support system is so important, because when you go through trauma, you feel so isolated, you feel so alone, that finding people who can support you is so important. And I wanted to add for me when I was healing from rape, I went to a support group. And I found that to be so helpful. So with the like professionals, because I do think a professional environment is so important, because with trauma, you need the support system from friends and family. But then you also need someone who can hold the space for you to connect back to yourself, like who can guide you and doesn't want to fix you.
Maryann Samreth 27:11
Yeah, exactly. It is important. And I started off in CBT therapy. And it's important to get a professional because they are able to ground themselves with while there they are supporting you and to have that widening your perspective of your life and able to just open you up to just be even more supported in what you're going through. And I still go to my therapist, it's been like almost four years that I don't go to her like every week like I used to. But I'm so lucky that I had a therapist that was also like a C PTSD survivor. And she was eight, like, I had no idea of trauma, like when I started therapy, and to be guided by someone who knew exactly what to do. And to be patient with me. As I was able to unravel things deeper and deeper into the wound, like it is so important to to seek professional help, whether it is a coach or therapist like and also to know what your options are like there's so much information on social media about different kinds of healing modalities. There's like art therapy, somatic experiencing EMDR, like drama therapy, there are so many healing modalities that there's no one size fits all modality. So like you're it's a healing journey for each person, and it looks different for everyone.
Amanda Durocher 28:30
Yes, I totally agree with that. And I wanted to add in to Yeah, like, are you with your first therapist? I'm just curious. Yeah. Oh, God bless you.
Maryann Samreth 28:38
And I know. I know, not everyone goes through that. Yeah, I've
Amanda Durocher 28:43
had eight therapists in my life. I've had two that traumatized me. And three that were absolutely life changing. And a few that helped me along the way. Yeah. And I share that because I always like to give that disclaimer, because I love how you said there's a bunch of different modalities. There's a bunch of different people. And I know how challenging it can be to open up to someone and then for it not to work out. It's like a first date. Yeah. And I've been through that. So I've stayed with people too long. Because I didn't want to have to go through the like, Oh, here's my child to trauma, like, you know, like the beginning stuff again. But listen to the red flags, listen to your body. Because what I also like to say is, there's a therapist out there for everyone. So not every therapist is for you.
Maryann Samreth 29:32
Yeah, exactly. And they're humans too. And I have I have a lot to say about about therapists because I love them. I have a great network of so many great trauma informed therapist, but there are also therapists that do harm and like like what happened to you and getting re traumatized. And as trauma survivors, we are very sensory. We are very sensory. We are just a condition to override a red flag like alert system. And if a therapist does don't work out, it's okay to find a new one. And that new one, like, even though you just met them, like, if they're the right fit for you, like, you're gonna have like a good first session if it's the right person. So right, it's like the like, it is like dating. Like you meet someone, you just click and like, it's okay. Like, you just met them, like, you'll feel that like in your body like this is purse, this person is safe for you. So definitely like attuning to yourself, when you're meeting therapists and making sure that you feel safe. And I
Amanda Durocher 30:30
also recommend, depending on what trauma you're healing from, look for somebody who has dealt with that before. So like, when I was healing from sexual assault, I made the mistake of meeting somebody who didn't ever help anybody through it, which is how I ended up getting more traumatized because they didn't understand my wound. And that's okay. Not everybody has to, which is why it's amazing that we live in a world with coaches and therapists, like there's really so many different options. So I also always like to say, and I'll link it in the show notes, I have a list of questions that I have an Instagram post that I recommend you ask, I think also when you're finding a therapist or a coach, interview them, right. It's like, I don't just take anybody I'm like, what modalities do you use? Here's what I'm healing from? Have you dealt with that before? Or is this new for you, you know, take charge of your own healing. And I know that can sound intimidating, or can be really hard, but it will just really pay off in the end, if you can take initiative at the beginning.
Amanda Durocher 31:29
Yeah, I love that you do that. And also, like, I don't think people know that they can, like have like a free 510 minute consultation before booking a session. And that's just that's also something I did I like before I even met with my therapist in person, I called Five therapist, and I just asked them about themselves. And if it didn't, you know, feel like a right fit, then I would just do the next phone call and do the next one until I found the right one. And then I was able to I was just like, Okay, I will pay for the session. You know, you're not wasting money doing that.
Maryann Samreth 32:02
I love that you did that too. Because yes, you that's how you probably found one, you know, that you've been with for four years now? Yeah. Because you did the bit of extra work at the beginning. Yeah. Do you have any other recommendations for anybody healing at the beginning,
Amanda Durocher 32:17
I would say if you know you have trauma, then definitely find a therapist that is trauma informed and somatic informed because trauma is in the body. So someone that is somatic informed, someone that can do Somatic Experiencing EMDR. Like that would be great. I don't know if there's a lot of therapists that do all those modalities, but if you know you have trauma, make sure your therapist is trauma informed. And I would say like, be open to to all the different types of modalities out there. So if you're healing trauma, you are healing your mind, your body and your soul. And not one therapist or healer can do everything. I've had an EMDR therapist, my CBT therapist, a somatic experiencing practitioner, I did hypnotherapy, like, I've probably used like, you know, like four to five, like coaches, therapists healers, to help me with my journey and feel what's right in your body, what support you need in the moment, because for me, like, I needed each support at the time of my life. Like if that makes sense. Like when I did EMDR, I needed to do that before I did somatic experiencing. And before all of that I had to do CBT because I didn't know I had trauma. So like, my modalities made sense for where I was at each time in my life. So there's no wrong way to do healing. It's all your journey and knowing that you always have the power of choice to create a safe journey for you. Yeah, I
Maryann Samreth 33:43
love that you say that too. Because like there are so many different modalities. So I think it can be overwhelming. But really, you can't really make a wrong choice. Because one, you'll figure out if it's not for you. But like you said, I have done like every trauma recovery therapy modality in the book, I have tried it all I know what's better for me what isn't. And it's also what's right for me at different times in my life. And it's beautiful to try so many different things because then you build your toolbox. So I think that it's so important at the beginning of the healing journey to one, be patient with yourself that you don't have all the tools, you don't have everything you need right now. So the best thing you can really do is be compassionate with yourself and start to ask yourself, what do you need? What feels the most pressing? Is it a professional? Is it a coach? Is it group therapy? Like? Is it finding a self help book in a trauma that you've experienced so that you can just read somebody else's point of view first, but it's being compassionate with yourself that you don't have all the tools? And the trauma healing journey is building that toolbox?
Amanda Durocher 34:47
Yeah, exactly. And I will also add that one of the best advice that my therapist gave me was to take breaks if you need to, because I think like at one point I was doing EMDR Neurofeedback aka all at once and I you can burn out on healing you can burn out on trauma recovery. So it's okay to like, take a break and just live your life and be a human, just be human beings. So be patient with yourself. And you know, there's no like rush to heal your trauma like you have your whole life to do this healing journey.
Maryann Samreth 35:21
Yes, I think that's so important too, because I think we all especially when we start the journey can start to feel that like the let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. And especially when you start to heal you, like start to get the highs. And you're like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, why I'm on this journey, maybe like, I'm all in. And then, you know, then the lows come again. And it's just learning that like, as you said earlier, it's like life is cyclical. Life is always gonna have ebbs and flows.
Amanda Durocher 35:50
Yeah, like we're not always in a state of peace and bliss. That that's, that's not the human experience, a human experience is coexisting with the light and the shadow and the good and the bad, and the ugly, and it's all allowed.
Maryann Samreth 36:05
I think that's so beautiful. I know that you've done this recently, as well. But it's like as women, we have our menstrual cycles, which have four parts of the cycle, which I know you learned about recently, I learned about recently, my boy, like, Wait, why didn't I learn about this?
Amanda Durocher 36:22
Getting my period. Now. I never thought I'd get there. But it's it's mind blowing.
Maryann Samreth 36:26
I know. It's like it's once you become more knowledgeable about your cycle, highly recommend it for all women listeners. It's just yeah, you realize the beauty of it. And it doesn't seem like such a like, oh, shoot, I have my period. Again. It's like, oh, my body is beautiful. And it goes through these ebbs and flows. And I bring that up too, because I noticed a lot of my healing happens during the luteal phase. So it's allowing myself to enjoy the follicular and allowing myself to come down during the luteal and not forcing in the other phases, like things that don't necessarily want to be happening.
Amanda Durocher 37:00
Yeah, oh, I didn't even put that together. Because I know the luteal phase is like your fall season. So it's like where you're kind of just processing and just being with yourself. And that makes sense that that's where the healing journey kind of happens if you're just kind of processing and you're sitting with yourself. And you're, you're just being what yourself.
Maryann Samreth 37:20
Yeah, I've noticed that, at least for myself, yeah, that it's like that. And then it's like below, and then I want to like come out of the cave again. And then I want to go back in the cave. And it's like, understanding that that's not a bad thing. And now understanding how I am during different phases of my cycle, has helped me like to let go of that judgment mind where it's like, I'm supposed to be working really hard. Like, I was working like eight hours a week, last week, not eight hours a week, eight hours a day. But then I might the next week only be working eight hours a week, right? And then I'm like, why is this happening? I was so productive last week. And it's like, oh, just understanding the different parts of myself.
Amanda Durocher 37:57
Yeah. And it's just like leaning into it. And like allowing yourself to be in that phase. And in that flow of your cycle. And it's so fascinating. I love talking about this. I'm reading a book about hormones now. And it's so it's just also like, interesting how the world is just demands we're all doing, we're just and it and it's frustrating, but I feel like so many of us are educating ourselves about our female bodies, our menstrual cycle that like we're reclaiming it, and I'm, I'm hoping there'll be a shift in the world. I took a class
Maryann Samreth 38:27
called period reboot with Cassandra Wilder, I'll link it in the show notes. And I cried, it was five classes. I just cried throughout the whole thing, because it was just like, felt like a coming home to myself. It just was like, I'm not crazy, you know, and like learning about my hormones and the cyclical way of being I just cried just being like, Oh, my God, I've believed all this programming and all these beliefs that really only work for men. And that's not a bad thing. Men are, like, different than us art. You know, they're on a different rhythm.
Amanda Durocher 38:58
Yeah, they go in four seasons in a day. And we have a month. Yeah, we're called emotional.
Maryann Samreth 39:07
beauty, beauty of being human. I know that got a little off track. But I hope that was helpful for someone. I also wanted to say that if you're at the beginning of your healing journey, I would recommend journaling. Would you recommend journaling to
Amanda Durocher 39:23
Oh, yeah, yeah, I didn't even Of course, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. So journaling for anyone that's just starting off. I definitely recommend to write to your inner child. Yeah, right to your future self have conversations with all three you know, like who you are today, who you were back then who you want to be in the future, like have conversations with all three of them. And what I like to do is like when I'm when I'm in my luteal phase, and I'm, you know, my trauma responses are coming up. I feel unsafe. And so for me to feel safe, I write like a letter of prayer to my future self And I'm just like, Oh, I'll see you soon, like all can't wait to be used some day. Because that's what that's what my body needs. So like when you're writing, like, just be aware of where you are right now and ask yourself what you need and write in a way that kind of gives you affirmations to just go through your day. So I definitely recommend writing in the morning. I love that. And
Maryann Samreth 40:23
I love that practice, because I have a lot of people reach out to me because I talked about journaling a lot, saying, like, it just feels so weird to like, just write to myself. And it may feel unnatural at first. But that's a great way to like write to your future self, I have a practice on my website, writing to your inner child. Like if it helps to write to someone because you think it's uncomfortable to write to yourself, I think, yeah, writing to your future self or your inner child are two great practices to start with.
Amanda Durocher 40:49
Yeah. And I think that kind of goes with him how you know, you, you've been talking about like coming home to yourself and having strong relationship with yourself, that's writing is a great way to do it. Because you are building a relationship with yourself. And if it's uncomfortable, then it's probably a marker of like, where you could be with and being in tune with yourself and it building a relationship with yourself like all of that potential. So like writing, journaling is it's really accessing like, all of your truths inside your body and wanting to be spoken. And it's a beautiful process. Like it's, it's getting to know yourself, it's like Dating Yourself.
Maryann Samreth 41:23
Yes, I totally agree. I love journaling. I journal like every day, that was probably my first before I meditated, because I'm a big meditator. So I highly recommend meditating. But I think journaling is a great before you meditate, a great way to get to know yourself a great way to connect with yourself a great way to sit with your emotions because you're actively doing something. So it can be easier to like journal about how angry you are than it can be to just sit in that fire that burns. Which I do that usually now I like, visualize in my head, the anger and I'll go through like a movie. But journaling really helps with that,
Amanda Durocher 42:01
too. Yeah, it's just a way to put your energy out. Instead of like keeping it in. That's what I started doing was just like, my energy was inside, I had so much rage, anger that I needed to put it out in something tangible. And sometimes it just feels good to like, see your words and just be like, Oh, I I sound like that, like, I guess I needed to?
Maryann Samreth 42:23
Yes, yeah. And I recommend if you do try journaling, like try to do it for like a week or a month, I find with any self help practice, consistency is when you will really start to see like because if you have a month worth of journaling, or even a week, you can kind of see your progress. I think we live in such an instant gratification culture, that it can be like I sat down once in journal, then I didn't get anywhere, but you are you're moving the energy. And then the next time you sit down you'll like have a new insight. And even if you're still in that anger, or whatever it is, you are really moving energy.
Amanda Durocher 42:55
Yeah, I love that. And even just like labeling each entry like 123, like by the time you get to 200 It feels really good that like you've been journaling that many days. Yeah.
Maryann Samreth 43:05
I love that. Thank you so much for this question. I think that as we mentioned, finding a support group or like a supportive friends and family and feeling like you are worthy of reaching out for support. I think it's so often as trauma survivors, we can feel so unworthy after what we've experienced that knowing that it's safe to reach out and ask for help is such a beautiful first step. And I think that finding a self help book or journaling is a great way for you to start your journey with healing from trauma.
Amanda Durocher 43:37
Yeah, definitely recommend those do and yeah, just just write even when you're feeling any type of emotion, just grab your phone and just write out your feelings. That's how I got started. And it's just a way to just get your energy released and feel relief.
Maryann Samreth 43:53
Yes, I love that. And I love the phone like it. We don't have to overcomplicate it. I've had people ask me that too. Like, which journal do you recommend? And I can totally recommend journals, and I'll link them in the show notes. But I also just think grab your phone, grab that piece of paper, grab that napkin and just start writing how you feel.
Amanda Durocher 44:10
Yeah, it doesn't have to be perfect. It can. You can have typos. It can be messy. Like it's for you. It's a space you're creating for yourself that you can always go back to.
Maryann Samreth 44:19
Yeah, I think that's beautiful.
Amanda Durocher 44:29
Thank you so much for this question.
Question two, do you think everyone has to look at their past in order to heal? This is such a great question. Thank you for writing this in. This made me have to ponder this question for a little bit. I was like, Oh, this is philosophical. This isn't what I'm used to getting. But I thought it was really interesting questions. So what do you think four? Do you have to look at your past?
Maryann Samreth 44:50
I mean, I want to say yes. And I also want to say like, it doesn't have to be all the way back. Because that was my journey. And like when I started therapy, I was just looking at my relationship, but which was clearly like a mastering of my trauma from my childhood, but I had no idea. So you're allowed to choose how far back you look, that sounds weird. But whatever is comfortable for you, like meet yourself where you are. And even looking back a little like, for me, like what I was doing at the time, it was looking at the patterns of my relationships, and like when my partner wasn't there for me, so that's how far back my body would allow me to look. And then I would heal that. And then I look back even further and talk about, you know, like my childhood. And that's as much as my body could handle at that time. So like, I would say, like, really pay attention to like sensations in your body, like when you start to feel anxious, or maybe like, you start to feel very traumatized. Again, when you're looking really back at your childhood. Maybe you're not ready to go there yet, because for me, it took I think it was like two years CBT therapy, just talking about my relationship, before I was ready to talk about my childhood. Because that's what my body could handle at that time. That's what my mind could handle. So yes, it's important, but also like, you get to choose how far back you go and what feels right.
Amanda Durocher 46:16
I love that answer. Because I totally resonate with that, because I too, had a similar experience, where when I first went to therapy, I was just going for the death of a friend in my life. And through that I started to look at relationships and some stuff from my childhood that would come back. But it wasn't for three years that then after I felt like I fully healed from grief, and I thought my healing journey would be done. That all my memories of being raped as a child came back. And that was my body was telling me it was ready to give me those memories. It was it knew I was ready because it's my body saw me heal from grief. And I had to focus on that first because I truly believe that my inner child, my body, whatever word you want to use, it saw me and it knew it could trust me.
Maryann Samreth 47:07
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I love that it's it's like a, it's like a warm up to like more further healing. And I think that's so true, especially if you have like, layers of experiences that where you've had trauma, like your body knows what you can handle, and it'll prepare you for further healing that you are ready for because you have done the work like everything is just so like, I don't even know what the word is. But like everything happens when it's supposed to.
Amanda Durocher 47:40
Yes, you so with looking at your past, it's like I would trust what's arising in the moment? Because this question made me get a little like quantum on it like where it's like I mean, all of time is happening simultaneously, like in the quantum and quantum physics all time is happening simultaneously. So technically, your past is happening in the present right now as well. And I mentioned that because in the present, you are being shown what you need to look at in the past. So you don't have to stress so much about what happened in your past. It's like what is happening right now? And then become curious, like, why is this happening? Or like, why am I having this argument? Or why am I so triggered? Or why is this person making me so angry? Or Why am I crying in the corner of my bed like becoming curious, and then trusting what arises, because what I find with memories, as somebody who disassociated their entire childhood is that it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be exactly what happened. It's what you need to see. Right? The words that are said to you in your head, it's how it played out for you. And it's what you need the information you need to heal. It doesn't have to be exactly as it happened, if that makes sense.
Maryann Samreth 48:54
Yeah, it's it's there. It's your version of your experience. And that's what matters. Like it is always valid and going through the same event, but then different experiences of it. And that's always valid. So knowing that you are always safe to feel whatever you need to feel with what happened to you. And just be aware of what you can handle. Like if it's too much, then take a step back. But it's it you had such a that's such a tough question to ask. But I'm glad you know this question was asked because it's, it's important to know that you know, always trust your body, your body will always your body is here to protect you. Your body is here to keep you safe. And you can and will always tell you what you can handle at every time. Yeah,
Amanda Durocher 49:41
and that reminds me too that like when our bodies bring up uncomfortable sensations, it's information our body doesn't want to be punished as somebody who has punished their body for like 20 years because of what I experienced because there was so much uncomfortability in it. What's really helped me to heal is just become curious when those uncomfortable since situations arise. So when anxiety arises in a certain room, it's like instead of being like, hating myself for being anxious, it's like, oh, this room makes me anxious, maybe I should step out. Oh, and I also wanted to say that I think looking at our past is beautiful, because that's how we connect with our inner child. And I think that everyone's inner child deserves to heal. And I believe that that part of you is so innocent, and is still innocent, and is forever innocent. And they deserve to be heard. And they deserve to have their day in the sun, which is with you there, you know, divine parent is how I like to call it, you know, I mother, my inner child, I am the mother to her. I am the protector of her. And she deserves for me to look at everything she's experienced, and to be that loving, compassionate witness.
Maryann Samreth 50:47
Yeah. And I will also like, say that when we have those moments of triggers a, and it's triggering our inner child, that's because that sensation is coming up. Like I love it. You said to be curious about it, because what's happening is that there's a part of us that's getting triggered, because it's also ready to be healed. And within that process, you're looking at the wound, you're nurturing it, you're asking yourself what it needs, and things are coming up, discomfort is coming up, because you're ready to be healed, you're ready to heal that, that that part of you that past version of you.
Amanda Durocher 51:17
Yeah. And I think it can be so easy to not want to look at the past, because I've had so many people give me like specific examples of this question, which is why I thought this was such a good question, because so many people are like, like, I know, my mom was like a bitch to me. But I don't need to look at that. I'm over it like, I don't want to. But the thing is just are you still triggered? Like, are you hearing your mother's voice in your head? Are you angry when you think about her? Is there something about her that is still holding you back? If you're calling her a bitch, or another harsh word, to me that would be assigned to become curious, not judgmental, curious about like, oh, I still have all this resentment, like, Where is that from? But so many of us? It's so hard to look at the past that we want to just move forward. But really, it's so important to look back in order to move forward.
Maryann Samreth 52:05
Yeah, definitely. And if there's like those pings where you are looking at the past, that's because you're ready to it's time.
Amanda Durocher 52:13
Yeah. Well, thank you so much for this question. That was such a fun conversation. I feel like you really made me think about this question. So thank you so much. Yeah,
Maryann Samreth 52:21
I love that question. I've never been asked that before. It's, it's yeah, I'm still thinking about it.
Amanda Durocher 52:27
I know, I'm like my answer might change. And you might get an update from me, because it's such a complex question. And like, in such a short amount of time, that's like the answer we have. But yeah, I invite you to ponder that question somewhere, as well. So thank you so much, Marianne, for coming on the podcast. I so appreciate you bringing your wisdom, your light and your grace, on to newView advice. I am so honored to know you and to have finally had the chance to connect with you in this way. I find you so inspiring. And I am so thankful that there's people like you, and especially you doing the work that you do, because I think that you're following your inner voice, you're following your intuition. And I've never met anybody who does exactly what you do. And that's so freakin cool. Like, you're just like this is maybe there's million people. I don't know them. But I don't think so. And I think it's so cool that you're trusting what you're good at, and you're trusting your inner voice and you're leading a new path. So thank you so much for what you do.
Maryann Samreth 53:27
Thank you, I mean that wow, thank you for those kind words. I mean, I just literally just was like creating my world and welcoming people in it. And that was the risk I was like, Are people going to join in, and so many people have so I'm just, I'm grateful to be supported and in the work that I'm doing and to to know that it matters and that it's helping people it's it just makes me you know, keeps the fire going keeps keeps the fire to continue doing what I'm doing and knowing that it's going to change lives and hopefully change the world.
Amanda Durocher 53:59
Yes, you are changing lives and you are changing the world. So thank you so much. Could you share with everybody how they could reach out to you if they're interested in getting to know you a bit better? Yeah, so
Maryann Samreth 54:11
you can find me on tick tock or Instagram at sincerely, Miss Mary, if you want to work with me, I do a memoir coaching. I have a 90 minute memoir, intensive coaching where I help you write the first chapter of your memoir if that's something that you're interested in. And yeah, just say hi. Just say hi on Instagram. I tried to look at those DMS tick tock I feel like they took our DMS away, like attacked
Amanda Durocher 54:35
DMS I was like it's I don't like it. Yeah, if you ever want to DM me, Instagram is where it's
Maryann Samreth 54:40
like took our DMS away. So yeah, follow me on Instagram and say hi.
Amanda Durocher 54:50
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of newView advice. I hope you enjoyed listening to this interview with Marianne as much as I enjoyed having this conversation with Marianne. I am So grateful for MaryAnne. She is such a guiding light in this world. She is such an honest, beautiful and inspiring individual. And I am so grateful that she came on the podcast to share her wisdom with us. If you are interested in connecting with Marianne, you can find her on Tiktok and Instagram at sincerely Miss Mary. And if you visit the episode shownotes I will also be linking ways that you can connect with her to work with her if that is something that interests you. And the show notes will be at WWW dot newView advice.com/ 38 And if you're new here and you're interested in following newView advice, you can find me on Instagram, Tik Tok and Twitter at New View advice. Thank you again for tuning in to another episode of newView advice. As always, I hope we were able to offer you a new view on whatever you may be going through sending you all my love. See you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai