102: Self-Trust with Erica Wernick: Why Self-Trust Feels Hard & Learning to Trust Yourself Before It's Logical
Join special-guest Erica Wernick and I as we discuss self-trust and following your intuition. In this episode we get honest about our own struggles with self-doubt, and how it can be really hard to trust ourselves. Erica and I discuss that following our hearts often triggers fears, but we continue to follow our inner guidance anyways because we have found that it leads to happiness and fulfillment. We also discuss how we both have learned to trust ourselves before it's logical, how trust triggers our fears, and why I'm done with people pleasing and am leaning into my villain era.
Check out Erica Wernick’s Book!
Learn More About Erica Wernick:
Hollywood’s Success Coach Erica Wernick helps artists create success in one of the most “impossible” industries so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of.
After breaking into Hollywood with no connections, and booking her first TV show just two weeks after moving to LA, Erica has spent over a decade living her dream designing graphics for television. You can see her work on hit shows like Glee, Superstore, and most recently, This Is Us.
Bestselling author of Meant For This: The Mindset And Strategy To Achieve Your Most “Impossible” Dreams, Erica has developed a reputation for helping people access their inner greatness and achieve the goals that used to feel out of reach. Between herself and her clients, they’ve booked work on over 60 television shows and films on Netflix, Hulu, HBO, FOX, NBC, and CBS just to name a few.
Erica’s debut TV special will be streaming worldwide soon!
Connect with Erica on Instagram: @hollywoodsuccesscoach
Or check out her website: https://www.hollywoodsuccesscoach.com/
Timestamps:
Introduction: 00:15
Discussion on Self-Trust: 2:43
Outro: 54:19
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Amanda Durocher [00:00:00]:
Welcome to New View Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I invite you to join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get started. Hey, beautiful soul. My name is Amanda Durocher, and this is New View Advice. If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast where I offer guidance for the healing journey. I don't believe I have all the answers you seek. I believe you have all the answers.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:25]:
You just may need a new view and a little help along the way. Thanks for joining me for today's episode. Today, we are talking about self trust, how to develop self trust, how it can be hard to trust ourselves, and all things trust and intuition. I'm especially excited for today's episode because I am joined by guest Erica Wernick. Erica is one of my closest friends and Erica and I talk about how hard it is to trust ourselves all the time. So I thought we were a great combo for this episode because our lives are different and our work is different, but also it's very similar that we are always following our heart and connecting back to our intuition and trusting ourselves even before it's logical. And I've spoken with a lot of people recently about this. How do we learn to trust ourselves? And because of that, I wanted to record an episode with Erica.
Amanda Durocher [00:01:09]:
And so I thought Erica was such a great guest for this. Erica is known as Hollywood success coach, and she helps artists create success in one of the most impossible industries so they can live the life they've always dreamed of. After breaking into Hollywood with no connections and booking her first TV show just 2 weeks after moving to LA, Erica has spent over a decade living her dream designing graphics for television. You can see her work on hit shows like Glee, Superstore, and most recently, This Is Us. She's a best selling author of Meant For This, The Mindset and Strategy to Achieve Your Most Impossible Dreams, and Erica has developed a reputation for helping people access their inner greatness and achieve the goals that used to feel out of reach. Between herself and her clients, they've booked work on over 60 television shows and films on Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Fox, NBC, and CBS just to name a few. Erica's debut TV special will be streaming worldwide soon. So as you can tell from Erica's amazing bio, she has had a long career in achieving things that most people would say are impossible and that has involved a lot of self trust.
Amanda Durocher [00:02:09]:
So I'm really excited for today's episode. I think it's a great interview and I'm excited for you to hear it. So before we jump in, I always like to mention that if you're interested in free resources for the healing journey, I invite you to check out newviewadvice.com where I have journal prompts and meditations and more to assist you in healing. And today's episode show notes will be at newviewadvice.com/102 and in the show notes I'll link Erica's book as well as how you can reach her and connect more with her after this episode. So with that, let's jump on into talking about self trust. Hi, Erica. Thanks for coming on the podcast.
Erica Wernick [00:02:46]:
Thank you for having me.
Amanda Durocher [00:02:47]:
Today, we're gonna talk about self trust, and I wanted Erica to be here to help talk about self trust because Erica recently filmed a TV special. And we've talked so much about how trusting yourself, trusting your intuition, following your heart was such a big part of that process. So I was hoping you could talk to us and tell everybody a bit about your TV special and what that process was like and how your intuition played a role there.
Erica Wernick [00:03:10]:
You know, it's so funny you you start saying that. I'm like, I shouldn't talk about self trust. I'm still really struggling with it. And it reminds me I don't know if you watched the Good Place, but there's this scene in the Good Place where Eleanor, Kristen Bell's character is like, I I I shouldn't be doing this. I'm just a girl from Arizona. And Ted Dan's character is like, that's exactly why we need you. We need a girl from Arizona. And it's just that's why we need you to talk about self trust, Erica, because you're struggling with it.
Erica Wernick [00:03:45]:
Yeah. Honestly, when you said that, I was like, that's why you're here because we both struggle with it, but we do the things anyways.
Amanda Durocher [00:03:50]:
And that's what people need to hear. So I was like, no. You're the perfect person.
Erica Wernick [00:03:54]:
I I will say I'm like I feel like I have grown a lot, and I feel like I've come a long way. But I am definitely not an expert in being, like, I absolutely trust myself. I never question anything, and I am perfect.
Amanda Durocher [00:04:08]:
I don't know if you ever get there. You know? That's my wonder at this point is if it ever feels perfect. You know what I mean?
Erica Wernick [00:04:16]:
Yeah. I I don't think so. I mean, I think, you know, I've had I'm on now, I'd like to say my 3rd career, essentially. But it it's all the same, but I'm doing different things. And I think I've learned as I go into each new career or each new big dream. You know, new stuff comes up. It comes up in new ways. There's always growth that has to happen.
Erica Wernick [00:04:36]:
So, yeah, I would agree. I don't I don't think there's really ever a time where you're like, I'm done. Yeah. Because I think that because I
Amanda Durocher [00:04:43]:
was saying about this today because a lot of people will tell me how they don't like to do hard things or why is it so hard. And I feel like we need to reframe our relationship with hard. Like, hard is I love hard at this point. It shows me my growth edge, and that's why I think it falls into self trust. When you're going for a new dream, you're going for a new growth edge. You know, you're gonna have that doubt arise, and I think it gets easier because you learn your own signals and stuff. You know, we were talking about before this, like, for me, like, when anger arises, it's trying to communicate with me. I usually try to shove it down, but it's just a communicator.
Amanda Durocher [00:05:18]:
And I listen to it quicker and quicker, but it's uncomfortable. So it's not like I'm immediately like, oh, let's sit with this anger and see what's up. It's like, I'll do that later.
Erica Wernick [00:05:27]:
Yeah. It it's been a very interesting journey for me, for sure. And actually, before I really say anything, I'm curious, and maybe just for people listening, like, how would you define trusting yourself? What does that mean to you?
Amanda Durocher [00:05:41]:
That's a great question. I would define it as following your heart, as cheesy as it sounds. It's like when you trust yourself, you're following that inner compass. You're following your intuition. You're following your inner guidance. And so often, the outside world is gonna send you opposite messages so that self trust is knowing that, like, I got my back. I'm following this. I trust myself that this, whatever this step is or this dream is, is leading me towards whatever you set your intention for.
Amanda Durocher [00:06:10]:
You know? Mine's always just, like, highest timeline. Like, show me how big I can be. Show me how much power I can embody. And that feels arrogant to say, but as somebody who felt like all their power was taken, it's a word that resonates for me. Everybody's gonna have a different intention, though. So I feel for me, trust is trusting that those steps I get and those intuitive hits are leading me towards that intention.
Erica Wernick [00:06:33]:
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I think my 2 biggest obstacles that maybe help define this for me is trusting myself in relation to what other people tell me. Example, when I got the idea to film a TV special, people were like, oh, you're not ready for that. Oh, maybe you should try something on a much smaller scale, you know. Oh, you're not super famous yet. So that's one of my biggest obstacles is when I feel these intuitive hits, and then the outside world is like, no.
Erica Wernick [00:07:01]:
No. No. You're wrong. And the other obstacle you know, obstacle is trusting without proof. And I feel like that has been one of my biggest things to learn over the past couple years because that that quote from Osho, I don't know if I say his name right, but he talks about intuition where he says, your ego is, like, if I can't prove it, then I don't believe it, or that I won't accept it. If I can't prove it, I won't accept it. Say, for example, with the TV special. Can I prove to these people that I'm ready to do this TV special? Well, not unless I actually go do the thing.
Erica Wernick [00:07:45]:
Right? But that's gonna take a year. So there's a whole entire year where I don't have physical proof yet, and I'm still choosing to move forward with it, and I'm still choosing to work through it. And that's been really hard. The whole, you know, intuition versus ego thing with trusting yourself is what I have learned is that my intuition will lead me to things that don't make sense, that don't make logical sense. And, you know, Osho says that that's kind of my point. Right? Our intuition cannot be explained, and our ego brain wants it to be explained. So my intuition is saying, Lyrica, I think you should film a TV special for your next thing. My ego is like, are you crazy? What? No.
Erica Wernick [00:08:29]:
No. No. No. No. And my intuition, I have this knowing that it's going to be okay. I mean, it's gonna be a a risk and it's gonna be scary, but I have this knowing that it's gonna be okay, but there's nothing logical about that decision. And so it's like constant battle of trusting the guidance that I feel guided to do versus my logical brain, my ego brain that's like, there is nothing logical about this, so maybe you shouldn't trust it.
Amanda Durocher [00:08:55]:
I love that you brought that up because I think that's such a big part of following your intuition is that that ego mind is always gonna come in because I think it does with the ego's often there to keep you safe. So anything new and scary and change feels unsafe. It's learning how to sort of befriend it and learn how to learn how to, like, talk it off a ledge. That's how I always feel like with my ego is I'm always learning how to be like, okay. Let's take a few steps back. Let's calm down. Let's reevaluate together. Yes, ego.
Amanda Durocher [00:09:27]:
This is terrifying. We're gonna have to do it anyway. You know? But I think that so many people, at least that I talk to, think that that voice won't be there. And I've just found through my experience that my voice is always there, both voices. You know? And I just find the intuitive voice starts to get louder the more I listen to it, and it also starts to communicate through. For me, it's a lot of times through my body, through my heart space, and my solar plexus is where I feel my intuition the most strongly, and everybody is gonna be different. But it's only through continually following that that I can recognize those signs, but that other voice is always there as well.
Erica Wernick [00:10:04]:
Yeah. I I don't know if this is too woo, but I was doing tarot cards yesterday, and I pulled you know, I've really been struggling with this, what we're talking about. And the cards that came out was the high priestess and the fool, and there was one other card that came out, I forget which one, that was like a success card. And the high priestess is all about your intuition, and the fool is about new beginnings. But I was sitting there, and for a moment, I was like, wait a minute. They're telling me because I feel like a fool following this intuitive, you know, self trust thing that doesn't make any sense, that's really scary, that people don't get, and I feel like a fool following it. And so I have this moment where, like, oh, they're not they're not telling me that, you know, this is about new beginnings. It's okay to be foolish in the sense of trusting something that society doesn't tell you you should trust.
Amanda Durocher [00:10:54]:
Yes. I love that too because I think that that's one of those fears. Feeling foolish falls into not being able to trust yourself. You're afraid you're gonna, like, fall on your face or that you're gonna be embarrassed or humiliated. Like you said, you kinda have a chip on your shoulder when people tell you you can't do something. And I listened to a podcast recently where somebody was saying it's okay to have a couple of chips on your shoulder, you know, if they keep you motivated. And I was like, yeah. Okay.
Amanda Durocher [00:11:16]:
I have a couple chips too. But I think with that, it can be really scary to fail the thought of failing because you're like, oh, I'm gonna prove those people right. But I think self trust is knowing that it's about the journey, not the destination. No matter what, you'll learn something along the way, but that can be extremely hard for the ego to be like, what? It's just about the journey?
Erica Wernick [00:11:38]:
Yeah. I know. I I have a new motto that I really need for myself where I say, Erica, it is not about proving them wrong, it is about showing them what's possible. Because, you know, there's a part of me that's like, oh, when I sell this special, you all you all see. You all see how I was right, and you were wrong, and I can do this. You know, but I don't think that's really what I'm here to do. Right? And that's all ego that, you know, there's nothing productive there. So for me, it's like, Erica, no.
Erica Wernick [00:12:07]:
It's show them what's possible just by when you when I sell this special, it's gonna show people that doubted it, what's possible, not just for me, but for themselves. Because a lot of times when people doubt you, they're really doubting themselves. And so if you feel like your intuition is leading you somewhere that a lot of people don't agree with or don't believe or, you know, don't know, it's really says more about their own doubt in themselves. And so I'm really working on that, you know, trying to not let my ego take over and be like, see, I proved you all wrong. You know? Because it's so much more important, I think, for me to show people what's really truly possible because they're doubting me because they don't think something that quote, unquote big or that's quote, unquote exciting or cool or whatever. They they don't think something that good could happen. And if I do it and if I show them, they might be like, oh, well, maybe I should try to go for something that I didn't think I could go for. You know, like, that's what I'm hoping.
Amanda Durocher [00:13:08]:
Yeah. I love that reframe, you know, showing people what's possible. We've talked about it with my healing journey. One of the reasons I do what I do is because people And I like to view it like you do where 1, you know, the more I heal, the more I show others that they can heal too. And that me healing makes other people have to look at their life in a different way. You know? And I think that's a reason people can doubt us is that they have a certain view of the world. They view the world through their lens, and they don't want change. Right? Their ego is probably running the show a bit more.
Amanda Durocher [00:13:49]:
And when people don't want change, they don't wanna see other people do something that they've deemed impossible or deemed unnecessary. That's how I feel with my healing journey. A lot of people were like, you know, you just learn to live with it. And I was like, yeah. That's just not that's not the case. I'm not gonna do that. Because that to me felt like living like a victim for the rest of my life. Like, oh, just something happened to me, and I just live with it.
Amanda Durocher [00:14:08]:
That just wasn't an appropriate answer, but I do see eye trigger people. That can be hard. Again, with the hard. Right? I think following our intuition can be hard. It can lead us to hard things, but it's not a bad thing to challenge other people's perceptions of the world. I think, unfortunately, we live in a world where so many people view the world in such a small lens. So we need people like you, you know, going after big dreams and showing people that it doesn't have to be that
Erica Wernick [00:14:32]:
way. Totally. It's so similar, you know, not our experiences, but the way that we're talking about them, because I always say, like, big dreams trigger people. I've had someone who I used to be friends with a long time ago, reach out to me a couple times privately, once to tell me, like, not to try to sell my TV special because he didn't think it was gonna happen, and he just wanted to protect me from that failure. And I should just put it on YouTube instead. And then, you know, I had enough of that. I was like I ended up blocking him because it wasn't feeling good. And he got really upset about that and then told me my special's stupid and it's never gonna happen, and he just went off on me.
Erica Wernick [00:15:12]:
And even though it's hurtful, I I I was like, I wonder what dream he put on the shelf. Why is this triggering him so much? Like, you haven't spoken in so long. Why are you coming at me to shit on my new dream that I'm working towards? And so people don't like to look inward. You know? They don't like to be that self aware. And, you know, now I mean, I'm not perfect. I still struggle. But now, when something triggers me, I use it as an opportunity to look inward and become more self aware about something and be like, oh, interesting. You know, that's how I was looking at this this whole time, but this kind of shakes that up.
Erica Wernick [00:15:49]:
I wonder if I start looking at it differently. What what does that look like? So, yeah, the trigger piece, you know, it's like what you're talking about healing triggers you. You know, it just it's holding up a mirror to them. Right? But reflecting back to them that their lives could be different. And they're like, woah. Woah. Woah. Like, I'm I'm living in my nice little bubble where I believe only one thing can happen or 2 things can happen.
Erica Wernick [00:16:11]:
And now you're showing me that something else can no. No. No. Get that out of here. Yeah. When you were talking, I was thinking about
Amanda Durocher [00:16:17]:
the one I hear a lot that you probably hear too with dreams is that people think that they're too old to do things. People think they're too old to heal. People think they're too old to change their lives. People think they're too old to start the business. And I'm sure you hear it with dreams. Are they too old to be an actor or a writer? And I find that one really interesting. I don't know why that came up while you were talking the age one, but I think it's just so common that I don't know. It kinda makes me sad, to be honest, that people think because they're a certain age that they can't just start new, that they're just stuck like that.
Amanda Durocher [00:16:46]:
Because I believe life's all about changing and growing and learning, and I think I'll be changing till the day I die. What else am I here to do? I mean, there's nothing else. That's how I feel. There's nothing else to do besides new growth, but I think age can really stop people. And I also want to mention that too because in a lot of my 1 on 1 sessions, people who are in their twenties are telling me they're too old to be doing things. And I'm like, sweethearts, I don't know who gave you that message. I'm so sorry. Because to me, I look at the twenties, and I'm like, what a beautiful time of your life.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:16]:
And my twenties were traumatic as fuck, and I was, like, so unhappy, and I was a drunk mess.
Erica Wernick [00:17:22]:
And now I look back at them, and I'm like, oh, what a age of exploration.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:26]:
Oh my gosh.
Erica Wernick [00:17:28]:
Well, Tomlinson has a really great joke about that in her comedy specials where she's like, your twenties you were thinner in your twenties. She's like, but that's why you didn't have a gut to work with. You aren't making good decisions because you didn't have a gut yet. You know? And she's like, it's just the time where you just make stupid decisions that no one expects anything of you. Yeah. I do not look back on my twenties fondly at all. And I just turned 40, well, in December. We're getting close to the 6 month mark.
Erica Wernick [00:17:55]:
And I kinda feel like I'm just getting started. I feel like I've been led to this moment, and I've really been cracked open. And it's exciting and very scary to see where I'm going, but I do feel in a way I'm just getting started.
Amanda Durocher [00:18:07]:
I love that, and I feel that way for you too. And I feel that way for me too. I'm just gonna take a minute to do a shout out. Thank you for being my friend. Not many people have been through most of this journey with me. We both had tough years last year. Last year, I was isolated. Like, I literally isolated myself in the woods for a little too long, I think.
Amanda Durocher [00:18:25]:
I'm coming back into society, and I'm like, what is this? What have you guys all been doing?
Erica Wernick [00:18:29]:
Yeah. No. I was isolated in my apartment, so similar but but different. Yeah. Last year last year was really tough, and this year's like a hangover of it. So
Amanda Durocher [00:18:42]:
Yes. That's how I feel. I keep being like, I'm healing the PTSD of healing PTSD. Like, I have PTSD from last year. It's like ripple effect. But I think that's important to note too because I think life has so many ups and downs. You and I have had a lot of ups and downs, and we talk about how the hards can be really hard or the difficult, but it allows us those moments of joy and big dreams. I do think that there's a spectrum, and if you can feel the lowest of lows, you can feel the highest of highs.
Amanda Durocher [00:19:13]:
And I also think if you're willing to do hard things and trust yourself, because I think it can be hard, you'll really appreciate those easy days where things just flow and you're like, this is because I trusted myself, and it's just flowing. You have to experience the spectrum in order to appreciate all of it.
Erica Wernick [00:19:31]:
Yeah. I mean, contrast has been a very big topic that has been coming up for me over the past few weeks. I recently got new carpet in my apartment, and I I rent, so I didn't have a choice about it. And the carpet that I had before was, like, really awful, ugly. It didn't feel good on your feet. It's just awful. And then the new carpet that I got was more like normal carpet. And for the first 2 weeks that I had that new carpet, every time I stepped my foot onto it, I was like, this carpet is so soft.
Erica Wernick [00:20:02]:
This carpet is amazing. Oh my god. I love it so much. And you saw it as just like normal carpet. But it's just the contrast. It's, you know, what you're saying with the highs and the lows. It's like you don't get the highs if you don't know what a low is. Right? It's the contrast is what creates our ability to feel good about something else.
Erica Wernick [00:20:23]:
Like, I would not have been a crazy person being euphoric over my new carpet if I didn't have really terrible carpet before that. A normal person would be like, that's normal carpet. I don't feel a high about that. You know? The contrast is is very present for me right now, and I'm noticing it in, a lot of different areas of my life. And because I have been feeling really low. You know, I have these days where I'm, like, really feeling the lows and really struggling. I mean, this year has still been really hard for me. It's been a little better than last year, but the first 5 months, I mean, it's it's still been challenging, and I have these low moments.
Erica Wernick [00:20:59]:
And there's a part of me that's, like, okay. But when something really great happens, when you have this high moment, you're gonna appreciate it so much more. You're gonna feel the joy so much more because you know the opposite.
Amanda Durocher [00:21:11]:
Yeah. I've been thinking about it a lot too because I've talked about it on previous podcast episodes, and I've talked about it with you. But my pursuit of healing was to feel happiness. When I was 24, that's when my friend died and my lights got turned on, and I was like, my life's a disaster. What do I do? And all of a sudden, I just started telling people, I wanna be happy when I grow up. My life's about the pursuit of happiness. I'd make people uncomfortable. I'd be at the grocery store, and I'd be like, I'm gonna be happy for a living, and people would be like, hello? Who are you? But I just started the word vomiting it to everybody because I was trying to find the secret to happiness.
Amanda Durocher [00:21:43]:
I was like, everybody else has got it. Where is it? How do I find it? And through the past decade, you know, it's been a driving factor. Why don't I feel happier? I get these small moments, but they would be mostly low. And this year, I feel happier than I've ever felt before. And the truth that I found about happiness is, oh, right. It's just another emotion. It doesn't last forever. It was never meant to last forever.
Amanda Durocher [00:22:07]:
I was never meant to find happiness and keep it like a locket. It's just like my mind has been like, oh, of course. But it was this idea I didn't understand understand for about a decade or my whole life. I just thought everybody else was happy. And I'm like, no. There's happy days and there's low days, and there still are. And I have happier days now because I don't judge the low days so much. You know, I used to be like, there's something wrong.
Amanda Durocher [00:22:31]:
Oh, no. I'm back here again. There's something wrong with being here. So then it would keep me there longer because I'd be judging it with wrongness. And now I just feel like I flow more because I'm like, oh, when I'm happy, I'm happy. When I'm low, I'm low. When I'm sad, I'm sad. When I'm mad, I'm mad.
Amanda Durocher [00:22:46]:
But I don't cling. I guess that's what would keep me in this, I'm gripping it. Never leave me. Please. And then when I was low, it was like, I will feel this way forever. The Thing about this morning that I just got back from Mount Rushmore, and this thing came up for me while I was there. And I was like, I will never get over this. I will feel this awful forever is just what kept playing on my head.
Amanda Durocher [00:23:09]:
I will never forgive myself. I don't know. 3 days later, I forgive myself. You know? It's just part of it is that's the ego mind coming in, the doubt. I suppress this so deeply because I will never ever be able to forgive myself. But by allowing it up and finally seeing it, that's all it needed. I always view it as shining light on the darkest corners of ourselves. Just needed some light, and then it was like, yeah.
Amanda Durocher [00:23:33]:
You're ready to let that go now.
Erica Wernick [00:23:35]:
Wow. I was just thinking, like, bringing back full circle about trusting yourself. I think that's been something that I've been learning is that the more I trust myself, the happier I am. My intuition, trust, is leading me to do things, to go places that feel more I hate to say the word aligned because I feel like that's, you know, overused vocabulary in the the coaching world. But, like, it just feels more authentic to me, and I think that so much of our lives, we are following other people. Oh, that person looks happy. Let me go do what they're doing. And I did that for a while.
Erica Wernick [00:24:10]:
I was okay. I wasn't sad, but I wasn't really happy. And the TV special was the first big thing I had done that was totally just trusting myself, and it's the happiest I have ever been. I mean, it's the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life and the scariest, but I've truly enjoyed every aspect of it. And I didn't really feel that before because I was sort of chasing outcomes or a way to live life based on what other people are doing. I think social media has contributed to our lack of ability to trust ourselves because we're just looking at other people all day every day, and it disconnects us from our own voice. And it also makes us very reactive, and I think trusting yourself is not really a reactive thing. I mean, unless it's, like, keeping you safe in a scary situation type thing.
Erica Wernick [00:25:02]:
But, you know, at least for me personally, trusting myself, there's a calmness that I feel, not an egoic reactive thing. So becoming happier has been a result of trusting myself more and following what feels good for me and not just what looks like would feel good for somebody else.
Amanda Durocher [00:25:20]:
Yeah. That's a great point because I feel the exact same way that last year, I tried to do all these things that other people were doing because I was like, maybe that'll work. Maybe that'll get me more followers. Maybe that'll make me money. I got disconnected from honestly the reason I started Noovie Advice because I was following everybody else thinking, well, if I get x, then I can do what I want. That was the mentality I had. Once I get this, then I can have what I want. And it wasn't until I gave all that up, which went hand in hand with me removing myself from social media, that happiness was able to sneak its way in and be like, I was here the whole time.
Amanda Durocher [00:25:57]:
I I was just waiting for you. And I was like, oh, yeah. There you are. There's things I do love to do. I got disconnected from the things that I love to do because I was doing all the things I I should do. It doesn't mean I love every aspect of everything. But it's like you were saying with your TV special. There were hard things, but you loved the process.
Amanda Durocher [00:26:14]:
Right? It's same with my podcast. Creating episode show notes is my favorite thing to do, but I love the podcast. I love new view advice on what I've created. And another thing that came up for me in Mount Rushmore was that I've had this resistance to new view advice because I don't love to talk about everything I've been through. People might think I do. I don't love it. I don't love to be like, hey, strangers on the Internet. Here are the worst things that ever happened to me.
Amanda Durocher [00:26:39]:
Let me tell you. It's uncomfortable. It's not easy. I just don't hear other people outlining what they've actually been through and how they healed from it. So I felt like, well, this is what I always wanted, so I'm willing to do it. And that came up for me in Mount Rushmore because I was reading this quote by Thomas Jefferson. And he said something similar about politics, where he was like, I love science, but I just lived in a time where I had to embrace politics because it was just important. And I had this brain switch where I was like, oh, yeah.
Amanda Durocher [00:27:08]:
That's how I feel about new view advices. I just feel a responsibility to help others, but I don't have to love every part of it. And I felt this freedom since it's like I was making myself wrong again. That's one of my things I'm working on is I was making myself wrong for not loving it, because I think that you and I have talked about the coaching culture and some of the spirituality culture. And sometimes there's, like, this mixed message that you're supposed to love everything you do all the time. And I just I don't think that's the case. I think loving the process and loving parts of it, but you don't have to love every aspect of it, if that makes sense.
Erica Wernick [00:27:43]:
Well, where would the growth be if you did? I when I was in my TV special, I talk about my depression, and that wasn't fun for me either. You know? Like, every time I rehearsed my TV special, I wouldn't rehearse that part. I would skip over it because it's painful for me, and I don't wanna keep reliving it. And I also didn't want that part to be super rehearsed because it it really was coming from my heart. But it was so important for me similarly with you where I was, like, it helped me a lot to hear other people talk about it, and I feel like other people that have big followings, you know, talking about it publicly, I feel like that helped save my life. And so I just wanna pay that forward. If it could help somebody feel less alone or save their life in some way, it's 100% worth it. That's why I want to do it.
Erica Wernick [00:28:32]:
But, yeah, I feel like if we loved every single second of every single thing we do, I don't know. There just probably wouldn't be much growth.
Amanda Durocher [00:28:39]:
Yeah. And, like, what you said, like, it can help somebody else. You know, I love the impact I have with new view advice, and I love when people message me. And it's not even ego thing because it's taken me a long time to accept positive feedback. But I love when people are like, oh, you helped me turn the lights on or, oh, wow. I've never heard anybody talk about it like that before. Thank you so much. You make it so down to earth.
Amanda Durocher [00:29:03]:
I love knowing that my heart led me here. It's like I'm having more of an impact than I realize. It's like, oh, okay. My heart knows something I don't. Because I don't know everybody who listens. I don't you know, most people don't reach out or anything, which is fine. But if you want to, you can always message me or email me. But it's just nice knowing that my heart is sending me the signs of, like, you are making more of a difference than you realize because I can be really self deprecating.
Amanda Durocher [00:29:27]:
So I hope that makes sense.
Erica Wernick [00:29:29]:
You make such a big difference for me. I'll have one conversation with you and be like, I never thought of it that way. Oh my god. You say one sentence and it just alters everything for me. You also do it effortlessly because it's part of who you are. And, you know, I learned that sometimes when we're good at something, we don't notice it because we don't think it's a big deal because it's easier for us. Right? So maybe you don't think it's a huge deal that you say one sentence and it alters just, like, really beneficial. Yeah.
Erica Wernick [00:30:02]:
Hearing you say that, thank you, it means a lot just, like, really beneficial.
Amanda Durocher [00:30:06]:
Yeah. Hearing you say that, thank you, it means a lot to me because I'm always bringing it back to the inner child. And as we're talking about, I'm realizing, like, part of it is that it's hard for me to talk about these things, but it's really validating for my inner child and my inner teenager who you know, my specifically, my family has created a lot of the self doubt, which I talk about is very common that we hear our parents' voices, but nobody's ever validated my intuition. And I honestly feel like a lot of times I'm able to offer a new view. People tell me problems that I'm able to see it at a different perspective. But growing up, I never had that validated. I was always told I was wrong. Nope.
Amanda Durocher [00:30:41]:
You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. So it's been healing for me to have this podcast and to see that I wasn't always wrong. You know? Because then I can look back on my childhood and be like, I was right there. Like, my gut was right, and nobody in my family will ever validate that for me. They continue to tell me I'm wrong.
Amanda Durocher [00:30:59]:
But back to the self trust, it's a process of trusting myself. My family has been the ultimate pressure cooker of, like, do I trust myself? And through their invalidation, which has been really hard, I have learned to trust myself on a level that I didn't think was possible. You know? But it's taken a really long time, and I'm not perfect. But I like to bring in those moments of gratitude for the hard things because they have taught me the most.
Erica Wernick [00:31:24]:
When I look back when I was in college, I ended up really being unhappy in the program that I was in, and I decided to transfer schools. And now there's a lot of judgment around transferring, at least there was back then. And that was a really hard thing. But when I look back, we're, like, maybe I wasn't, like, as conscious of where it was coming from, but I was even though it was a judgmental thing, like, oh, transferring. Oh, like, kind almost like you're giving up at this place. It's like, no. I'm I'm really unhappy here, and I still wanna study graphic design, and I wanna get a really good education. I'm gonna try somewhere else.
Erica Wernick [00:31:59]:
And it was the best decision I ever made, and I had the best absolute best design education I could ever have asked for. But, again, it it was just trusting my gut, trusting myself. And so I've been looking back at those times, like, you're saying when you were younger, it's like, oh, okay. That voice was there. Maybe I didn't know what to call it or label it or how to really look at it, but I think there have been times where I get defiant almost when people are like, no. You're wrong. Something inside me that's defensive almost. You know, I know that I'm right, and I I don't mean that from an arrogant place.
Erica Wernick [00:32:32]:
More of just, like, I have this feeling, and I'm good I'm trusting it, and I'm going with it.
Amanda Durocher [00:32:36]:
Yeah. I love that too because I think that it can be hard when it comes to self trust. Like, it can come off arrogant. I love that you mentioned there. Like, it's not arrogant. I know I can trust myself. Because I think that it's just another doubt that comes in like, wait, am I being arrogant if I think I'm right here, if everybody else is telling me I'm wrong or is this the wrong choice? Is this arrogance? You know, like, people with good hearts, they don't wanna be arrogant. And I think that part of self trust is embracing.
Amanda Durocher [00:33:00]:
It's not arrogant. You know what's best for you. Like, only you know what's best for you. And I've talked to you about this, but I also think I'm in my villain era. So if I become a little arrogant, like, at this point, I'm okay with it. I'll swing back to the middle. Like, I don't know. Like, that's how I feel.
Amanda Durocher [00:33:15]:
I've been such a people pleaser for so long. I'm just like, like, enough. I know what my heart's saying. I don't always wanna follow it. I'm gonna do it anyway because it's become actually painful not to. I get so angry when I don't follow it. That's how my intuition speaks to me. It speaks to me so often through anger that I'm like, alright.
Amanda Durocher [00:33:32]:
Whatever. Here we go. Here we go. If I'm the villain, it's fine.
Erica Wernick [00:33:36]:
Do you think though that the villain using that word, it's like you're judging yourself for what you're feeling or what you're doing?
Amanda Durocher [00:33:43]:
It's actually funny. I actually think of the Batman quote from Dark Knight where there's a quote in the movie where Harvey Dent, who's the mayor I just I'm laughing because, like, this is such an Evan thing, and I'm like, does my audience watch the dark knight? Like, I don't know. But there's this quote where you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. And Thomas Jefferson of Mount Rushmore again had a similar quote that he said basically I'm butchering all of Thomas Jefferson's quotes, by the way. But he said basically he wasn't naive to think that he would have the same reputation when he left office as when he took office. And for me, embracing my villain within is embracing that not everybody's gonna like me, and I'm gonna be the villain in people's stories. And for so long, all I've wanted is for people to like me, and that was, like, my inner teenager. Lot of trauma.
Amanda Durocher [00:34:31]:
Also, who doesn't want people to like them? It's just human. I've always wanted to feel accepted, and I've always wanted to feel like I belong, and those are things I've really struggled with. And being the nice girl hasn't gotten me where I wanna go. So if I'm a villain in other people's stories in order to tell mine, then so be it. Because for me, especially with my memoir, like, as I write it, it's like, yeah. This is snarky. And, yeah, I have a lot of shit to say. The arrogant part of me is like, well, you shouldn't have done it if you didn't want me to write about it.
Amanda Durocher [00:35:01]:
But the truth of me writing it is that Amanda deserves to have a voice, and this is my truth. Everybody's welcome to write their own memoir. For a long time, I've felt like a coward. It's like this deep, deep fear. I didn't even know it was there for a really long time. It came up this year where it was like, yeah, just like this deep, like, I'm a coward because of I mean, for me, it went back to I didn't report who sexually assaulted me. And so I've held on to a lot of guilt regarding the other people who likely experienced what I experienced, and I've held on to, you know, like, it's my fault. And I would never tell any other survivor that that was their burden to carry.
Amanda Durocher [00:35:39]:
You gotta get there yourself. Right? And for me, I recently did get there, but part of it's being the villain that this is this is how I get justice. This is how I tell my story. Nobody was ever gonna believe me in a court of law. Like, I know that. So this is my version of justice.
Erica Wernick [00:35:54]:
I just had a thought about that because I was thinking how it relates to my story being kidnapped, and the the villain idea part of something that I have struggled with that I work through therapy is, you know, I was kidnapped on a date, and it was a really terrifying experience. And when I went to therapy to talk about it, I was concerned about the person who kidnapped me. And I was like, maybe they're bipolar, maybe they're working through something. I just kept trying to figure out why they did this, and the therapist was like, we're here to talk about you and work through your feelings. You know? And so I'm almost wondering if this idea of, oh, I'm just gonna be the villain in someone else's life. Maybe it's like there were these villains in our lives, and we gave them way too much. You know? It's like, are we villains now for making them out to be the bad guys, essentially? Or are we villains for finally sticking up for ourselves or voicing our opinions? I totally understand with the memoir, there are people in your life that might read things that you've written about them that, you know, that they might not like. But I don't know.
Erica Wernick [00:36:50]:
But the more I think about this villain word, the more I'm wondering about the judgment and, like, you know, how that looks from other angles.
Amanda Durocher [00:36:58]:
Yeah. I mean, I think for me, I definitely don't see myself the way I think other people see me. It's really hard what I do. I talk about things I'm not supposed to talk about. I get backlash. Like, I get comments from my mother. I feel it, and I have so much self doubt before I record the episodes. And it's hard to know that I've worked so hard to not hurt other people and that the only way forward is to hurt people.
Amanda Durocher [00:37:31]:
So that's what feels villainesque. I'm so grappling with,
Erica Wernick [00:37:34]:
am I a villain? Because there
Amanda Durocher [00:37:35]:
are certain situations where I'll go fall into people pleasing, and Evan will be like, I thought you were in your villain era. And I'm like,
Erica Wernick [00:37:43]:
I love that. I love that. I love that. But yeah. But it's like you talk about the pendulum singing the other way. It's protecting these other people for so long that you lose yourself. You know? That's like what I was doing. You know? What I I shouldn't even say it past tense, I still tend to do it and I'm more self aware and working on it, you know, but it's like being so concerned about people that have hurt me or something.
Erica Wernick [00:38:03]:
Even with my therapist, and I was talking about the guy who did the really awful things about my TV special, and she was like, that's a troll. Like, that's just a troll. And I'm like, well, let's talk about the psychology that got him there. But it's to my detriment. I'm missing opportunities to work through my own shit when I'm so concerned about others.
Amanda Durocher [00:38:22]:
Yeah. I love that you were used that word protection too because that was a message that kept coming up for me in Mount Rushmore was if Amanda's worried about protecting everybody else, who's protecting Amanda? And that's, like, one of the deep wounds of my life is feeling like nobody protected me. And, of course, protection comes from within, yada yada, but not when you're a kid. Like, no. That's actually the responsibility of adults. You know, so many people don't wanna be adults because they don't wanna take on responsibility. But if you have children, things shift and change. But at the end of the day, it's not my responsibility to protect others, and I should have been protected.
Amanda Durocher [00:38:56]:
And even with you were saying talking about in therapy, one of the hardest things for me to work through it revolving being raped in my teens was that there were bystanders. So there were people who watched it and didn't do anything. And I remember bringing it to my therapist. I actually had an opposite experience where she was like, oh, witnessing it can also be a trauma. Where in that moment, I needed her to validate me. And in that moment, I felt like she put on me, the bystanders, because I had come in there being like, that's kinda fucked up. Right? Question mark. And she went the opposite way where she was like, well, that's really traumatic.
Amanda Durocher [00:39:27]:
And so it took me longer to work through it.
Erica Wernick [00:39:30]:
Yeah. Wow.
Amanda Durocher [00:39:32]:
I had to come to my own validation again. That's often my story is, you know, like, again, grateful for the therapist who said that so that I could really validate myself. But, yeah, it's just all so complicated. You know?
Erica Wernick [00:39:44]:
Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. See, you're like, oh, I know I have to validate the therapist. And that's one thing that's so annoying about being self aware and wanting to work on yourself all the time. Right? It's like, oh, okay. Well, I gotta thank the therapist for creating that opportunity for me to look at it differently for myself. You know? I mean, it's like, okay.
Erica Wernick [00:40:02]:
I gotta thank my high school theater teacher who made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be a star or whatever. And because now I just filmed my own TV special.
Amanda Durocher [00:40:13]:
Yeah. And bringing up the therapist reminds me that's another reason I've been labeling myself the villain is because I talk a lot about how broken the systems are in my book. And, again, people aren't gonna like that. And I'm a big proponent of therapy. I was in it for a decade, and there are a lot of positives, but it's not perfect. It's not perfect at all. I've had a lot of experiences that set me back with things like what I just shared. And that's like a light example from what Amanda's received from professionals.
Erica Wernick [00:40:38]:
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Wow. That's interesting.
Amanda Durocher [00:40:41]:
And, like, note to all listeners, you are allowed to interview your therapist, you are allowed to ask questions, and you are allowed to leave at any point you are uncomfortable. It it goes back to self trust, though. The reason I wanna bring some of this to light is because I gave my trust away too easily to professionals because I was so desperate for someone to fix me because I was so broken. I was like, this person has to have the answers. If they don't, I don't know if I'll survive the month. And that's why, again, I feel my responsibility to speak up on some of these things that were inappropriate because it's so hard to find a therapist. You have to go through this intake process. I just tried to find a therapist again.
Amanda Durocher [00:41:19]:
I got new insurance, and it was such a broken system that I just left there, and I was just like, enough. I'm gonna find a solution for this. Like, I'm gonna be part of the solution because, like, enough. I couldn't believe the place I was and that they thought that place was good for people's mental health, and I was angry. I was so angry when I left. And it's because I'm in a good place now that I could see it all so clearly. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings about the systems.
Erica Wernick [00:41:45]:
I mean, yeah. I don't have anything nearly as bad, but one time when I was trying to get a new therapist in network, you know, because it's gotta be in network for health insurance reasons. I very quickly felt it wasn't a good match, and I was kinda telling her that. I know how it sounds, but, like, she wasn't letting me she's like, no. No. You have to go through 3 sessions, at least 3 sessions. And I'm like, I already know. We are not a good match at all.
Erica Wernick [00:42:08]:
And saying out loud, she made me go to these 3 sections. I'm an adult. Like, I could've been like, no. Sorry. I'm leaving. Goodbye. And by the 3rd session, she was like, oh, yeah. You're right.
Erica Wernick [00:42:17]:
This isn't a good match. I'm like, you know, shit, lady. But but, you know, the thing that you say too about looking to experts Yeah. I mean, I talk about that in my book, but it's I go through that with pursuing my dreams, and and I ask an expert for advice or for steps I should take. And then they sometimes they give me wonderful advice that's super helpful, and then sometimes they tell me something where I'm like, that doesn't feel good. And I understand you're an expert, but that doesn't feel right for me. You know, like, I I talked to an expert in the industry who said that, like, if I wanna make a TV special off of my book, I should essentially give the rights away, like, let someone else do it and walk away. And I was like, no.
Erica Wernick [00:42:51]:
I wanna be involved. I I didn't know exactly what the show was gonna be, but I was like, I want to be involved. You know? So sometimes we place too much dependence upon experts to tell us what to do. And we use that as another reason not to trust ourselves.
Amanda Durocher [00:43:06]:
Yes. A 100%. I think the experts is a huge thing. A a reason, like, creates more self doubt and things like that. I know I've come across that a lot of times. And what I see now looking back is that a lot of times with experts, it goes back to that intention I talked about earlier. I looked at certain people, and I was like, that person's happy. They're gonna show me how to become happy.
Amanda Durocher [00:43:27]:
And I look back now, and I'm like, I don't know what their intention for their life was. I don't know if they are happy. I was following somebody because I perceived something about them, not because of who they actually are. But my vision was clouded because of what I wanted, and I wanted somebody else to fix me. You know? That's so much a part of my memoir. It's just that it's all the times I put my power outside of myself. All the times I was like, this person can fix me. This can fix me.
Amanda Durocher [00:43:56]:
This will fix me. This will fix me. And then in the end, it's just like, it was me the whole time. I'm who doesn't even fix me. I don't even think it's fixing. You know, now it's like, oh, it's never was about fixing me. It was just about remembering there was nothing ever wrong with me. But for so long, I felt so broken.
Amanda Durocher [00:44:12]:
I thought I had to be fixed, so I kept looking outside myself. And, yeah, when it comes to trust, you know, I like to talk about how trust is built over time, and it's same with ourselves. We build that trust over time. So through my memoir, it's a journey of me building that self trust over time. It didn't happen overnight.
Erica Wernick [00:44:29]:
Yeah. Yeah. No. That's such a good point. And I I almost wonder too. It's like the longer we've been an adult and the longer we've had the world thrown at us from different directions, different experts, different social media. It's like the longer we've been an adult, the the more time we have had to not trust ourselves. Like, it's like something I say in Hollywood where I'm like, the longer you've been in an industry, the more limiting beliefs you have because you think you know how everything works.
Erica Wernick [00:44:52]:
Oh, you can't do it that way. That's not how it works. This is how it works. It's like when you're in an industry for a long time, you know how everything works. And while that's good in some ways, that can be really limiting to you in terms of thinking outside the box and, you know, doing things that are possible. And I think it's it's similar with this. It's like the longer you've had the world show you reasons of why you shouldn't trust yourself, the less you trust yourself.
Amanda Durocher [00:45:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. And I wanna bring that back to the 20 year olds that I mentioned earlier. It's like when we're growing up, like, 1 through 18 for most people, you know, you have to trust your parents. You have to, like, follow the rules. And then when you leave the home or you go to university or college, it's your first chance to begin trusting yourself. So you're not supposed to know what you're doing at, you know, 18, 22, even 25. I'm 32.
Amanda Durocher [00:45:46]:
I still don't know what I'm doing. It just gets easier. But you're not supposed to know how to trust yourself immediately if you haven't had practice, if you didn't have parents who helped you do that. And most of us don't have parents who are, you know, talking us through how to trust ourselves. There's rules, you follow them, you follow the school rules. And then when you become an adult, people think they're just supposed to know what to do. And it's like, no, it's a new chapter. It will happen over time.
Amanda Durocher [00:46:06]:
There's no rush. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. That that's like the big, time. There's no rush.
Erica Wernick [00:46:11]:
Yeah. Totally. They that that's like the big myth of life. It's like, when I get to be this age, I will have life figured out. It's never it's never that way.
Amanda Durocher [00:46:21]:
It's more about you and the journey than the outside stuff. You know?
Erica Wernick [00:46:26]:
Totally. I mean, in my TV special, I say, you know, is a house about a journey. I was like, you're following your dreams. It's about who you become along the way. This TV special has been such an eye opening experience for me because there are some big dreams that I've had that I I had 15 years ago that haven't quote unquote manifested yet. Getting to this TV special is like, oh, I can now see why. Now see why. Like, I get it.
Erica Wernick [00:46:53]:
And that process to get here was so important.
Amanda Durocher [00:46:57]:
Yeah. Learning to trust yourself is really like understanding that you mentioned at the beginning. It might not be logical right now, but everything really is just a part of the journey. And, you know, when I look back on my life, my biggest regret is always, I just wish I was kinder to myself along the journey. Like, I wish I had just relaxed a little bit, understood self trust, and been kinder to myself. That's always my biggest regret. It's like, oh, I look back there, and it's like, yeah. If I had been kinder to myself, that would have been a little easier.
Amanda Durocher [00:47:26]:
It It was always gonna be hard, but if I had been nice to myself, would have been easier.
Erica Wernick [00:47:30]:
It's like what I said to you the other day when I was like, yeah. I'm going through the most painful emotional experience I have ever been through. And then I was like, oh, but I guess it's also the most transformative. Goddamn it. Oh, they come hand in hand. Like, darn.
Amanda Durocher [00:47:45]:
Yeah. And that's the highs and the lows again that we talked about. Right? Painful stuff often is the most transformative, which leads to those happy, joy, content, peace, those feelings. Oftentimes, it's our own inner stuff that's keeping us from those feelings. But also life comes and goes, but along the way when I'm judging myself as wrong the whole time, I'm keeping myself And it's like you said earlier, trust to me feels the same that it's like a calmness. So anytime I'm doubting myself, I don't feel that same sense of calmness, and that trust helps me to feel calm, which then helps me to feel other things.
Erica Wernick [00:48:27]:
See, like, because society has taught us not to trust ourselves in that way, it's like I feel the sense of calmness, and then I'm like, well, I don't know.
Amanda Durocher [00:48:36]:
Do I trust
Erica Wernick [00:48:36]:
that calmness? I don't know. I'm taught not to trust that. Like, maybe I should be ready for something back a constant battle.
Amanda Durocher [00:48:41]:
Before we wrap this episode up, do you have any other thoughts on trust or anything you'd like to leave everybody with?
Erica Wernick [00:48:48]:
So one one sort of visual metaphor I give, actually, that I wrote in my next special is have you ever been in public and somebody is taking a call on speaker phone? Or you are on the subway and someone's, like, on a FaceTime call. Like, for me, it it's been happening sometimes in the sauna at the gym, which drives me nuts. Like, the sauna I'll be, like, meditating in this quiet, beautiful, tiny sauna, and someone will walk in on a freaking FaceTime call. And I think that a lot of us walk through life that way because when I'm in the sauna and I'm trying to meditate, someone walks in on a FaceTime call or blasting their music, suddenly, I can't hear myself anymore, and all I can hear is their conversation and what they're doing. And I think that a lot of us walk through life that way so much that we've almost trained ourselves not to listen to our own voice. So I guess if I were to, you know, say anything in closing, I would just encourage you to get quiet. Whatever that means for you. It doesn't have to be meditating.
Erica Wernick [00:49:49]:
It could be just sitting out in nature. It could be sitting in your living room. But just tuning out the noise for a second and trying to tune into your own voice. Because for me, I've been, like, oh, that's what I really think about this, or, oh, that's how you know, it's, like, you don't even realize, and I think that when you're able to tune out all that outside noise and connect to yourself, it will lead you down a path of fulfillment. It'll be scary and risky and you'll have all the doubts that we talked about today, but I do think that when you start following your own desires and your own thoughts, it will lead you to fulfillment in a way that you never would have experienced following somebody else's voice.
Amanda Durocher [00:50:33]:
Love that. I love that example of the FaceTime. I think that's such a great visual for that.
Erica Wernick [00:50:37]:
It drives me bonkers, but it is. Because, you know, I I remember once listening to a podcast, and I heard a woman say that she was so busy all the time, and sometimes busyness is a way to mask anything that's going on internally. Right? Because, like, you don't even take a moment to stop and breathe and to look inward at all. And it wasn't until she paused and, like, stopped the busyness for a second. You know? And so I I think about that a lot. There is a lot to be said about taking a moment of quietude for yourself to tune back in. And I think, you know, the more you do that, the more you don't have to go sit in nature to be able to hear it. You know, you can hear it anywhere, anytime, any day.
Erica Wernick [00:51:18]:
But to start sort of training yourself to to listen to yourself.
Amanda Durocher [00:51:21]:
Yeah. I talk about self care all the time on the podcast, and I feel like people are like, oh my god. This girl's talking about self care again. But it's exactly what you're saying. It's that everybody's lives are so busy. And what I find in my 1 on 1 sessions is that everybody's running from themselves. You know? They're like, I can't make a minute. Let's let's take it now.
Amanda Durocher [00:51:37]:
And then usually, tears will come up or it's something that people have been running from, myself included. I do this. It's yeah. It's finding those small moments. And again, I like
Erica Wernick [00:51:47]:
how you said I can
Amanda Durocher [00:51:47]:
do it anywhere, because I think that's a big part of it is I think so many times people then add it as a to do. So So then their busy lives become busier because it's like, I gotta take 15 minutes to meditate. I gotta, you know, find my pillow. I gotta look at my journal. And it's, you know, just take a breath right here right now. You know? After this episode, just pause it for, like, 60 seconds. You don't have to time it.
Erica Wernick [00:52:06]:
You know what I mean? I'm like, just give you
Amanda Durocher [00:52:07]:
an example. You don't have to set your timer. Like, just take There's no
Erica Wernick [00:52:11]:
structure that is required to listen to
Amanda Durocher [00:52:14]:
yourself. Exactly. And just slow down. Other people always say too, I can't hear my intuition. It's in the quiet and in the slow. You know? That's where you can hear it.
Erica Wernick [00:52:24]:
Yeah. Because some people tune it out on purpose. It's like what you're saying. And the busyness thing, sometimes I'll see people and I'm not judging, but I like, sometimes I'll see people that are so busy. Like, every second of their day is planned or they're just constantly doing things where they are surrounded by other people. And sometimes you can kind of see you're hiding from something. And and I can say that from experience.
Amanda Durocher [00:52:46]:
Me too. Me too. It's from experience. Yeah.
Erica Wernick [00:52:48]:
Yeah. Like, it's not from judgment. It's from experience. I've done that shit too. I still do. You know? And it's, like, what are you running from? Because the more busy you are, the less time you have a second to look inward and to experience whatever you're feeling. Like, sometimes you don't even realize that you're feeling a certain emotion until something triggers it.
Amanda Durocher [00:53:08]:
Yeah. Yes. Yes to all that. So we invite you to slow down today.
Erica Wernick [00:53:13]:
Yeah. Well,
Amanda Durocher [00:53:14]:
I feel like that's a good way to end this episode. So I just wanna thank you for coming on NewView Advice and for being a wonderful guest as always.
Erica Wernick [00:53:22]:
Aw. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me, seriously. You you bring so much value through this podcast. I know you talked about getting compliments, but I'm just gonna keep throwing it at you so that you hear it more. You you bring so much value through this podcast, and I just think, let a blessing, that you decided to follow your own voice that led you to do this.
Amanda Durocher [00:53:41]:
Thank you. Thank you. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna accept that. Perfect. There's, like, all these thoughts, and it's like, just accept the compliment, Amanda.
Erica Wernick [00:53:49]:
Thank you.
Amanda Durocher [00:53:49]:
Thank you.
Erica Wernick [00:53:50]:
And move on.
Amanda Durocher [00:53:52]:
And I also just wanna say I love your work, and I always tell you that I think it's so important that you challenge people in the way they view the world and that you inspire people by telling them that they can pursue their biggest dreams because those are the messages of our hearts. Right? If you're like, I can't hear my intuition, but you have a dream, that is your intuition. You know what I mean? It's Yes. So Yep.
Erica Wernick [00:54:12]:
Last line of my TV special. When your heart speaks, listen.
Amanda Durocher [00:54:17]:
What a beautiful way to end. Thanks again for joining us for today's episode. If you haven't already, I invite you to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode and to leave a 5 star rating and a review of the episode. If you enjoyed it, I'd love to hear from you. And thanks again for joining us today, and I hope we were able to offer you a new view on whatever you may be going through. Sending you all my love. See you next time.
