Conscious Relationship Guide
Conscious relationships are when we bring intention and awareness to our romantic partnerships.
Many of us move through our relationships on auto-pilot and repeat the same patterns, fights, and frustrations for years until we either lose hope or give up. As with most things in life, relationships take work and by bringing awareness to our partnerships, they can be one of our greatest teachers. The truth is no one can complete you and you are responsible for your own wants and needs, even while in a relationship.
Learning to be in a conscious relationship involves taking responsibility for your own wants and needs, being a loving and appreciative partner, communicating clearly and effectively, and creating boundaries. Many people aren’t taught how to be a conscious partner, so below are some suggestions on how to start moving from stuck to a growing relationship.
Communication Tips:
When communicating with your partner, try to communicate how you are feeling when you are calm, centered, and grounded.
If you are feeling angry, sad, etc. remove yourself from the conversation and do some breathing exercises or take a walk. Problems rarely get resolved when emotions are running high.
When possible you I feel statements.
For example: I feel frustrated when you work late and don’t communicate with me when you will be home.
Also, you could try to use the IMAGO dialogue. To learn more, listen to Episode 6: Conscious Relationships or read Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt
It’s okay to not resolve everything in the same day. Sometimes a good night’s sleep can bring a new perspective.
If you find yourself frustrated, ask yourself if there was a boundary of yours that was crossed or if you need to communicate a boundary clearly.
Journal Prompts:
Here are some journal suggestions for creating a conscious relationship. Allow yourself to free-write. Don’t filter yourself. If needed, set a timer for 5-10 minutes and just write. After the timer goes off, reread what you wrote and see if there’s any new insights.
What about my partner reminds me of my parents or my childhood caregivers?
This list could consist of things you love about your partner, as well as things that trigger you. The purpose of this journal prompt is to bring awareness to why you may have attracted your partner into your life and what makes you feel safe and what may still need to be healed.
What am I looking for in my relationship that is missing? Is this something only my partner can give me or is this something I could be doing for myself as well?
Are there any boundaries that I need to set to feel more safe, loved, or seen in my relationship?
When do I feel the most loved with my partner? Is there a way to cultivate more of this?
When do I feel the most friction with my partner? Have I clearly communicated why this is?
What is my ideal date night?
Exercises and Activities to Try:
Write a Partner Appreciation List.
Everyday write ten things you really appreciate about your partner. Do this every day for a month and then reflect on how you feel about your partner.
Create a weekly or bi-weekly meeting with your partner.
Put a weekly or bi-weekly time on the calendar to discuss your relationship with your partner. Having a time on the calendar helps both partners to remain intentional and creates a safe space to discuss problems and frustrations. Practice using I feel statements during these meetings.
Plan a surprise for your partner and ask your partner to plan a surprise for you.
Often when we are in long term relationships, we can get into habits and routines. Adding in weekly or bi-weekly surprises makes our partnerships feel new and exciting.
Plan a date night.
Try to plan at least one date night a month. This is harder when we have children, but it’s still important to get alone time with our partners and to forget about chores and household duties. Pick one night a week or month to take work off, hire a babysitter if needed, and spend the night with your partner.
Read a Relationship Book together
For suggestions, check out my Self-Help Book Recommendations List.
If you haven’t already, listen to 06: Conscious Relationship Advice: How to Let Go of Control & Codependency in Relationships to learn more about conscious relationships.
