poems about dissociation & repressed memories

Dreaming

I awoke to see I had always been dreaming.

Startled awake I saw I was in a nightmare,

A nightmare of my own creation.

The logical thing would be to go back to sleep,

But instead I waded through the darkness and muck.

Until I climbed my way out of Hell

And returned to a Heaven of my own making.

Awakening

I awoke with a jump,

Could it be true?

A full body knowing,

Flooded with memories.

Feelings, grief, disgust.

How could it be?

But also it always was

It makes so much sense.

A knowing.

A moment.

Everything changes.

Denial. Anger. Rage.

Acceptance.

Healing.

So much healing.

Forgiveness.

Wholeness.

Grateful to be home.

Remembering

Remembering is tricky,

The mind plays games,

The details don’t matter,

Only the real and buried pain.

Remembering brings doubts,

But also a full-body knowing,

That you were never crazy,

It was just the trauma showing.

Remembering brings sorrow,

For the childhood lost and taken,

But through love of self,

You begin to awaken.

Remembering can seem endless,

And leave you sad and confused,

But through time you reclaim your power,

And no longer feel used and abused.

Remembering opens the heart,

A journey for the trusting and brave,

Through love, forgiveness, and acceptance,

You embody self-worth and exit the cave.

2.10.22

Written by Amanda Durocher