19: Comparison & Social Media: Healing from Comparison Syndrome
With a world filled with social media, many of us find ourselves comparing our lives to others more than ever before. The result of this is comparison syndrome.
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In this episode, you will learn about:
Why comparison holds us back
What I’ve learned about comparison in my own life
How comparison can be a defense mechanism of the subconscious
How to start looking at our triggers around comparison and jealousy
Why it’s important to not let comparison stop you from following your dreams.
Why I recommend everyone take a social media break
Episode References:
Resource Round Up
Take a social media break.
Start looking at and becoming curious about your relationship with comparison
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay
Speak Your Fears Out Loud.
Meant For This: The Mindset And Strategy To Achieve Your Most “Impossible” Dreams by Erica Wernick
Flip the Script – Write down your fears and then flip them and write an affirmation.
*Listen to the episode for more specifics about each suggestion.
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
4:14 Teaching
14:25 Listener Question 1
27:19 Listener Question 2
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This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Otter. Please forgive any typos or errors.
Amanda Durocher 0:00
Welcome to New View Advice, a safe place for you to ask your most vulnerable questions about life, relationships, healing, and so much more. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher. And I believe our fears and traumas are often what holds us back from living life to the fullest. Join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever is holding you back from being your best self. Let's get started. Hi, beautiful. My name is Amanda. And this is new view advice. If you're new here, this is a podcast where I answer questions about life, relationships, healing, and so much more. This is a healing centered advice podcast. And what I mean by that is that my goal is to offer you tools and resources on how to connect back to yourself. It's my intention to help you connect back with you. Because I believe you have all the answers you seek, you just may need a new view along the way. Thank you for joining me for today's episode. Today we're going to be talking about comparison, and what I call comparison syndrome, which is a symptom of living in a comparison culture, which is on the rise with social media. For years now we've all been looking at each other's lives, we've been getting a peek into each other's lives, through social media. And we've been comparing ourselves. I know that I do this, oh my gosh, that person's in Greece, I want to be in Greece. Oh my god, that girl in my high school is having a baby, am I behind? Oh my god, that person just bought a car. Oh my god, that person just bought a house. Oh my god, this person's on Instagram, Tik Tok, Twitter and Pinterest for their podcast, I should be doing that. Oh my god, this person's website looks so much more professional than mine. I've been comparing myself to others for a very long time. And I've been aware of this, and I do work around this. But the past month I hit a breaking point with I just can't do it anymore. I think we can all relate to comparing ourselves to each other. So many of us feel inside, like we don't know what we're doing. The more I talk to people, the more I realized that so many people feel like they don't know what they're doing. And when we look at social media, we find ourselves comparing ourselves to other people, because we want to feel like we know what we're doing. And we're looking for guidance. And we also want to feel like we're on track and like we belong, and we compare ourselves to one another because we can feel lost and unsure. And for people who suffer from anxiety, depression. And these sorts of emotions, we can find ourselves comparing ourselves to one another because we don't feel like we're out in the present is right. So depression is usually living in the past, anxiety is living in the future. So we're not in the present. So we find ourselves comparing ourselves to one another. Because we want to be in the present. And we want to figure out how did that person get so happy. But we have to remember that social media is a catered look into each other's lives. So we see everybody's best moments, we don't see each other's mundane moments, and we don't see each other's worst moments. So so often, when people post its pregnancies, weddings, when they're looking their best when they're looking good. And we compare ourselves to that, because maybe we're sitting there in our pajamas and haven't showered for two days. And we're looking at that picture like, oh shit, that person's got their shit together, how do I get my shit together. But we have to remember, like I said, that comparing ourselves to one another is not great for our mental health. It's not healthy, and we're not really comparable. So I want to talk about healing comparison today, what I've learned from looking at my comparison wounds over the past month, and how we can move forward, and how comparing ourselves to one another is really normal. So it doesn't mean we don't want to heal this, but it's really normal. So if you find yourself feeling shame, or guilt, or judgment over comparing yourself, now that I've been there, I suffer from this too. I'm working on it. I'm bringing awareness to it. But is this going to heal overnight? No, this is not how it works. If we weren't so connected all the time, we wouldn't have all this knowledge to compare to we wouldn't have all this data that we would compare each other to we wouldn't even know what each other was up to. That's a little intro on comparison. But today I'm going to dive into three things I learned over the past month about comparison, and then two questions. So let's jump on.
Amanda Durocher [teaching] 4:19
Over the past month I've spent so much time looking at and sitting with and healing my comparison wound. So I wanted to share three things I learned in the past month about comparison in my own life, because maybe one of these things will resonate for you or maybe you found that this is true in your life as well. I think when we speak our own truth, we open it up for others to learn truth within their own lives or to feel less alone. So one, I learned that comparison in my life was a defense mechanism to keep me small and safe. That was used by my subconscious that was used by myself. But by keeping me small and safe, it also kept me in authentic IQ. And what I realized over the past month through learning that this was a defense mechanism I was using was it allowed me to bring a lot of empathy to myself rather than judgment and anger, which in the past, I feel like it's brought up a lot of other emotions. But by looking at it through this lens of a way, my subconscious was trying to keep me safe, my ego self, it allowed me to be really empathetic with myself and to look at where this started from. So for me comparison started in my childhood, I felt really unsafe on a regular basis. So I compared myself to everyone around me. And I analyzed everyone, I was very in my head rather than my heart. And I would analyze what everybody did said war, and I would cater myself to fit a mold that I thought other people would like. So in my childhood, I was very good at acting different in different environments. So I could be funny in the funny group, I could be gossipy in the gossipy group, but I could be quiet with the people who wanted me to be quiet. I knew how to mold myself to my surroundings, because I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me and what they were doing. And this was a defense mechanism. For me, since I felt so unsafe in my childhood, I did not feel safe being myself, I thought that was what created the traumas experienced. So by comparing myself and putting myself in a mold, I was able to keep myself safe, I was able to keep myself small, and in the background, because that's always what I wanted. So for me in my childhood, I just wanted to fit in. So that I just wanted to blend in to I did not want to be noticed, I wanted everyone to just be like, Oh, Amanda, she fits in. That was my goal, because I was so anxious all the time that I was dying to fit in. But the truth is, as much as I tried, I never felt like I fit in because I wasn't authentic. So it was always a little off. I was always a little fake. I feel like people could pick up on that, because I really wasn't being true to myself. So what I realized was this defense mechanism that I've been using today, went all the way back to my childhood. So I brought a lot of empathy, a lot of healing, I sat with my inner child, I had a few memories come up around comparison that I healed and how I heal that is I allow the motions to move through me. So there were a few memories I had that were sitting in my body that I just had to cry about that it was so sad, that as a child, I didn't feel like I could be myself. It was so sad that I felt like I needed to fit in that I felt like it was so unsafe to be different. So I changed everything about myself. And that was really sad. So I sat with that. And I healed that. And I allowed my inner child to come forward and tell me things she had to say. And my inner child told me that she doesn't want to do that anymore. So that was really healing for me, too. I realized comparison blocks joy and creativity. So when we are comparing ourselves to others, we are not in connection with our highest self. We are not in connection with those higher vibrational emotions such as joy, creativity, love. Instead, we are in a lower vibration, judgment, sadness, anger, envy, envy is really big with comparison, and envy and jealousy. If we get stuck in that envious cycle, which is just a repeat of those jealous thoughts, and not taking a moment to look at why we're jealous, keeps us unhappy. It blocks us from that joy. And so what I believe about jealousy and envy is that jealousy and envy is information for ourselves. So these are pings. These aren't bad emotions. These aren't bad feelings. This is information for ourselves that we are witnessing, seeing or tapping into something that we desire. And it might not be exactly what you think. So for example, for me, there was this girl, my high school who was so creative. She was doing all the things I wish I was doing. And I didn't realize I was jealous of her. I just didn't like her. That's what I thought. So I always felt like, oh, this girl. But when I decided to move to LA, and pursue acting, and move to be an actress, like my heart opened, and I had so much love for this girl. And all of a sudden, I realized I was jealous of her. I had been jealous of her. And that had been a sign from my body that I wanted what she had, I wanted to be authentic. I wanted to be being creative. I wanted to be following my happy. And the moment I chose to follow my happy. I just had pure love for her. And that was when I really realized that when I feel jealous, it's a sign to my awareness that there's something I want. And I believe that when we see people, that instead of being jealous, we should be excited that these people are showing us that it's possible to have these things we want. So I think that envy and jealousy are information to our awareness about something we desire. And you may look at somebody who's just got married and think I'm jealous. And then I asked you to step back and ask yourself what you're really jealous of because often it's not the exact thing that person has. It's tapping into something we desire. So through somebody's wedding, you could be jealous of a party they had, you could be jealous of the fact that they're having a wedding. Or you could be jealous of the fact that they have a life partner. Or you could be jealous of the fact that they're surrounded by friends and family, or you could be jealous of the fact that they just look happy. Or you could be jealous of the fact that they're in a place you want to be in. But you might think you're jealous of the whole experience. But when you tap into it, you might find that there's actually just one thing you're jealous of. So I invite you to become more aware of when you find jealousy and envy arising in your own life. Three, it's true what people say, social media is not good for our mental health. I don't think it's good for our mental health. I'm here to say it, I use it for my business, I am on tick tock, I'm on Instagram. But I don't think it's good for our mental health to see into each other's lives all the time. We see these catered pictures, we see people's happiest moments. Many people only post when they're on vacation. And I don't think it's healthy. I think that it is causing us to compare ourselves to each other all the time. And if you in any way suffer from anxiety or depression, I would really recommend you get off it for a period of time. I took a break from social media for two weeks. And I was very surprised how much better I felt. I just felt more like myself, I just had those background thoughts leave, because that's what I realized comparison was causing in my life at this time was a lot of background noise. A lot of you should be doings because I was looking at other people with businesses similar to mine, and seeing what they're doing. And I was like, Oh my God, you should be doing all these things. But when I checked out of that, that background noise went away, and I was able to listen to myself and what I needed to be doing. Because I'm very intuitively guided, I follow my higher self, I follow my connection to Source my connection to the universe. But when I listen to the background noise, it interferes with what I'm supposed to be doing with how I'm supposed to be feeling with my healing with everything. So I truly believe social media is unhealthy. I truly believe if you're going to be on it, you need to cater your feed to what feels good. So if you're following people who make you unhappy, unfollow, mute if you really can't unfollow them, but I recommend that you cater it to what feels good. Because just as people cater their feeds, to show us into what they want us to see from their lives, you should cater your feed to what feels good, and what you want to let into your life. But the more that makes you jealous, check out of it. Check out of it. You don't have to analyze everything that makes you jealous either right away, maybe analyze one thing, but if you're not even ready for that yet, just check out of it and check into yourself. Social media takes us out of the present moment and starts a thought patterns of what if? Or what am I doing, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. So many of us can feel lost. Social media can be such a time suck, the amount of time we spend on social media, think of everything else you could be doing with your time. Do you want to start a business? Do you want to read books? Do you want to start a project? Do you want to bring something new into your life, all that requires time and work? That is what I've learned through this podcast that anything we want in life is a lot of work. And we think things should just be handed to us. And when we're on social media, we see people's lives and we think things were just handed to them. But the truth is people work really hard, or people have teams of people helping them. And we cannot compare ourselves to other people. So it's so important that we take breaks from social media, I am so passionate about that this month, because it was so eye opening to me. It's so important that we take time to check out from social media. So at least that's what I learned in my own life. And I'm a huge believer in it. And if social media in any way, is causing you any negativity, any hard feelings, any unhappiness, I recommend you take a break, take a week off, see how you feel. And I noticed I was anxious and I was looking for it. That's the sign of an addiction. I was addicted to my phone. And by checking out I was able to reset and start a new relationship with social media on my phone. And it feels so much better for me and much more aligned with myself. So that's my soapbox about that. And those are the three things I learned about comparison. I learned some other things. But those are the three things I wanted to share. And I'll talk more about what I learned throughout these two questions about comparison as well.
Amanda Durocher [question1 ] 14:30
Dear New View Advice. I'm having a quarter life crisis. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm in a job I don't love. I'm single and I'm nowhere near buying a home. I feel like every time I get on social media, someone I know is getting married buying a house or is pregnant. What do you recommend for getting my life back on track? Thank you so much for this question. I think this question is so relatable. I know I can relate to this question. I feel like I have a quarter life third life crisis whatever it is about once a weak. So I completely relate to this question. And thank you for asking it. I think your feeling is normal. And I think the lie you're telling yourself is that it's not normal. That's what I've learned. I've talked to so many people recently about this because I was struggling with this too. And so many people feel like they don't know what they're doing with their life. So many people go on social media, and exit the app feeling more confused about what they're doing with their life. They start asking themselves existential questions, because they see a glimpse into people's lives and their accomplishments. But they don't see the mundane, you don't see the mundane. Nobody shows the mundane on social media. And people don't often show the bad. So we find ourselves comparing ourselves to other people and feeling like we're not good enough. And when we are having a quarter life crisis, that's often because we're feeling lost, and we don't know what we're doing. And what I've learned is that this is an important time to check in with yourself instead of checking out. So social media is a way we use to check out very unlikely your present when you're scrolling social media, you're leaving for a little bit, you're checking out and checking into other people's lives instead of checking into yourself. So for you, I don't know where you're at in your life. So I can't really recommend anything for getting your life on track. But one, I'm pretty sure you're on track. I'm pretty sure you're probably being hard on yourself. But I'm going to offer you three things on how to connect back with yourself. Because you sound like you're disconnected. So you say you're not in a job you love, you're single, and you're nowhere near buying a home. And none of this means anything. It does not mean you're not on track. We can't compare ourselves to other people. Because other people have different situations than us. We don't know how people got there, we don't know. So it's so important for you to check in with yourself and see what you're looking for. There's also three big things. So I would invite you to choose one thing you want to focus on, if even one of these is what you want to focus on. Because what I found through social media, is that I find myself comparing myself to people who are getting married and having kids. And I've chosen not to get married. If anybody wants to talk about that I've done so much work, so much healing around marriage. And I've chosen that that's not for me. My partner and I are very committed who were domestic partners. But I'm not married. And I find myself sometimes thinking, Wait, am I supposed to do that? And it's like, no, I'm not supposed to do anything. That's another lie. We tell ourselves that we're supposed to check off this list. But the truth is, the more things we check off, a lot of times we find we're unhappy because we're just checking off a list rather than checking in with ourselves. So that's one too with the pregnancy. I'm nowhere near ready to have a baby. But I do find myself being like, oh shit, that girl from my high school is having a baby, should I be there? Should I be doing that? No, I shouldn't. Great for her great for me, we can celebrate each other for being at different points in our lives and having different purposes. I don't know what her purpose is, I know mine. And I go back to that over and over again. So the first thing I invite you to do is, as I mentioned, take a break from social media, because you said that you feel like every time you go on social media, someone is getting married, buy a house or is pregnant. That is where you are comparing yourself when you're on social media, I invite you to do it for a week, if that even feels too much for you. Because this is a strong addiction in our society, I have a lot of empathy, because our parents didn't grow up with this. So they didn't teach us how to have a good relationship with it. And it is another thing we have to navigate on top of everything else in our lives. So I invite you to take a week off. But if you can't do that, I invite you to do 24 hours. Even set a timer on your phone or your computer for one day disconnect. I invite you to turn your phone off for a day. I know a lot of people are like what if something happens? What if someone dies? Okay? Okay, if you don't feel like you can do that. Delete the apps, delete Instagram, tick tock, Twitter, Facebook, whatever you're on for one day, I promise you, the world will not end. I promise you, you won't even miss as much as you think you will. I really would like you to do it for a week. Because I think we go through the detox period through weeks. So I found that in my own life, I kept being like, where's my Instagram app, and I kept looking for it. But it took a few days for me to detox and to relax into the fact that I didn't have to check those apps. I didn't have to see if anybody messaged me. I didn't have to see the comments on my tic tock. I didn't have to check in with other people. And that felt really good. But it took me a few days to get there. Say with a juice cleanse. I occasionally like to do a juice cleanse that helps skin issues I have. And the first three days are the hardest. They're not fun. But when you get to day four of the juice cleanse, it's like oh my god, I'm a whole new person. I have so much natural energy. It's the same thing with detoxing from social media, that you're gonna have to take a few days to really feel the benefit of it. So I invite you to do that. So that's the first thing I recommend and I highly, highly recommend it for everyone out there. But the second thing I recommend is to start asking yourself what do you feel like is Miss thing from your life. And it is most likely something internal, rather than external. So with the three things you gave, I'm going to give examples, I don't know enough about your situation to know that this is used. So these are examples of how you can get to the roots. But with the three things you said, I'm gonna give three examples of what else you could actually be asking yourself for. So one, I'm in a job I don't love. This is probably deeper than just the job you're in. Might not be, but it could be. So the question you need to start asking yourself is, what about your job? Don't you love? Would you be happy in the same job at a different company? Is it the culture or the hours? Or the pay that you're unhappy with? Or is it the work itself, and you're looking for more meaning and purpose? Is it the job altogether, you can use or ask yourself what you don't love about the job. Because once you get those deeper answers, you can start to change. So if it's just financially, you can start applying for new jobs. If it's more about meaning and purpose, then you need to go deeper with that and ask yourself what you could be doing to feel meaning and purpose. And that is, so often, what we are looking for in life. And that is what corporations don't quite understand about millennials is that we actually want to feel purposeful, we want to feel like we have meaning we don't want to feel like a cog in the wheel, we're looking to feel fulfilled, we're looking to feel like we're making a contribution to this world. Because we look outside and see a world that's really fucked up. A world that has a lot of problems and a lot of division and a lot of duality. And we want to make a difference in it. So I invite you to ask yourself those questions about your job. If that feels right for you, too. I'm single, there can be so many things around this. Again, I don't know about your life, but some questions you could ask yourself for? Are you finally ready to start dating again? Or do you feel like you don't have love in your life, and you're looking for love, because if you're looking for love, most often you're looking for that self love. So you could be looking for self love, or you could be in a really self loving place. And you could be looking to bring a partner into your life because you've done a lot of healing around relationships. I don't know. But there's so much to explore there. And being nowhere near buying a home. Why do you feel like you need to buy a home? Do you feel ready to buy a home? Do you want to buy a home? Because then maybe you need to start looking into how you could financially save. In order to be able to buy a home, you need to start asking yourself deeper questions. But when we get caught in the comparison mindset, the comparison syndrome, we just say all these things like oh my god, I don't have a job I love I'm single, I'm having a quarter life crisis. But the truth is the only one who can change your situation is you. And these are big questions. So they're not going to happen overnight. So you could start exploring and diving into these today. So I don't know how old you are. But there's a book called The defining decade, which is about your 20s and the importance of your 20s. And I didn't do anything this woman recommended. So I'm only recommending this book for people if they're in their 20s. Because what I did find so important about this book is that it's about bringing the intention to your 20s. So many of us feel lost in our 20s we feel confused. We don't know what we're doing. And our parents just say things like, Oh, you're just a millennial. No, no, no, we are lost, we are confused, we are looking for help. And so it's important for you to give yourself that help. I know it's not fair, you can listen to episode 17 about why I don't think life is fair. So it's important for you to start bringing intention to your life and start healing yourself. Because so many of us feel lost, because there's a lot of healing to do. And we're not taught how to do that. We also feel lost because we know that what our parents did, or what we see other people doing is what we're quote unquote supposed to do, but not what we want to do. I had to let go of all those beliefs. Let me tell you, I went through so much healing around marriage, letting that go. But that wasn't for me that I'm not going to get married. That's just not what I've chosen. I have a loving, committed partnership and marriage isn't for me. And I had to come to that on my own because I had to come to what marriage meant, what a partnership meant, what love meant, what a union was, and why I thought marriage would give me what I was looking for. That took a lot of work, until it took me a year and a half to let go of marriage that I just invite you to start exploring yourself. And instead of falling into the comparison and the crisis mode, which Trust me, I fall into this all the time, is to start asking yourself what you want and start taking responsibility for your life. It is your responsibility to create a life filled with joy and happiness in what you want, not what anyone else wants. And in order to let that comparison go. You have to become so self loving, and have so much self care. And self care isn't always just a bubble bath. Sometimes self care is allowing yourself to cry and let go of the programming and the beliefs that have been placed on you by your parents, by society by teachers. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to realize that you're Gonna have to do something really fucking scary, you're gonna have to do something really hard and you don't want to do it. And sitting with yourself, and loving yourself and cheering yourself on is self care and self love. We don't always look at self care that way, we don't always realize that life is going to be hard. So many of us had the steps handed to us of what we were supposed to do, go to class, get good grades, graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have a kid, buy a house. And I think a lot of us in our 20s are starting to check in and realize that that's not exactly what we want, or maybe not in that order, or maybe not yet. And so it's so important for you to check in with yourself and to start cultivating a really good relationship with yourself. Because I have found healing comparison involves a lot of self love and a lot of self care, as I mentioned. And it's realizing that I have to do a lot of hard things. And I have to face a lot of hard fears. I'm afraid every day, I am always on the edge of fear. But I've also learned that beyond the edge of fears beyond the edge of vulnerability. And what I've learned is that when we take those steps when we face our fears, when we do things for us that are authentic to us that feel good to our hearts, we are led places better than we imagined that by listening to ourselves and not others around us that we are able to embrace life in a new way. And we're able to do our things I love when Glennon Doyle says we can do hard things. And it's your job to cheer yourself on. And it's your job, to parent yourself. And to give yourself encouragement, and love and to allow yourself those vulnerable moments and to hold yourself in self love. So I hope something in that answer helps. I felt very passionate about that as that came through. So I feel really, really strongly about you learning to cheer you on. And to be your own best friend, your own mother, your own father, to embrace yourself in that compassion that love. Self Compassion, self love, self care isn't easy. But it's so worth it. So I hope something in this answer helps. And I'm sending you all my love today.
Amanda Durocher [question 2] 27:23
Dear New View Advice, I dream of starting my own business, I lost my job during the pandemic and started thinking that I should finally make this dream a reality. The problem is so many people do what I want to do. I spend so much time following these people on social media and seeing what they do. I know I could teach this stuff too. But my mind bounces from if they can do it, I can do it, too. They're already doing it. Who would ever listen to me? Any advice on how to move through these fears? Thank you for this question. This is something I can completely relate to this is thoughts and comparisons I've been having over the past six months and starting this podcast. So thank you. I think so many people can relate to this. And I also love that you're on the edge of that vulnerability. You're on the edge of starting something new. And you're seeing all these fears arise. And I want you to know that that's normal. When we make big life transitions, we will find that our fears will go rip it, because it's our safety mechanisms within us, telling us slow down caution. danger ahead. Whoa, whoa, whoa, we've been doing the same routine for the past five years. And you want to what, here are all your fears. And when you look at each of those fears, you realize they're just there to keep you safe. I recently viewed my fears as roadblocks and as I'm on a path. And when momentum starts to gather. And we're really close to making that next leap of faith. The roadblocks appear. Those are your fears saying? Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure? And what I have found is that the less judgement we have, and the more curiosity we bring in. So we become curious about these fears. Where did this originate from? If once especially paralyzing, we're gonna want to sit with it, bring empathy to it, and ask ourselves why this fear exists. And so often our fears are, as I've mentioned, roadblocks and safety mechanisms. So our fears are there to keep us safe. So isn't that a beautiful way to bring empathy to yourself, that you're just trying to keep you safe? You're just trying to keep you out from danger. And you just have to talk to you and reassure yourself that you are safe, that it's time for you to take a leap of faith. So I love this question. You know, I find that whenever I'm on the edge of my vulnerability whenever I'm on the edge of doing something new, I have so many fears arise. For example, before I started this podcast, I had so many fears. And then I released my trailer and I had like a mental breakdown. And then I realized that was it. People saw me people heard my voice. That was it. That was them. Most of it really wasn't that scary. I'm okay, I'm still safe. And now that I'm looking into starting a course in January that I mentioned on my last episode, but if you didn't listen, I'm going to do a dry January course, where we heal our relationships with alcohol. And it's for anybody who's sober for a really long time, or somebody just sober, curious, or somebody just looking to be sober for 30 days. And we're gonna go through this journey together, and I find so many fears arising, who would listen to me, I've only been sober for X amount of months, who wants to heal the relationship with alcohol is anybody gonna sign up? I have so many fears arising. But what I've realized, is, like I said, these fears are there to keep me safe. And so what I do, to move through these fears are a few things. And so one, which I invite you to do is to voice these fears out loud. So I find that sometimes if I just say these fears out loud to myself, or to someone else, so a therapist, or a safe and trustworthy person, such as my partner, or for me, my mother, it can be so freeing just to hear myself say these fears to someone, because in that moment, you hear how small it usually is, or how untrue it is. So for me, one of my fears around starting this course is that people are going to hate me. Well, how did I get from starting a sober course, would mean people hated me. They don't correlate, that's not going to happen. If people don't sign up, it doesn't mean they hate me, it means it's not for them, they're not interested, that's okay. Those are my people. But saying that out loud, brings to my awareness that, that fear is just a fear in my head there to keep me safe. Because one of my biggest fears is that everybody's gonna leave me. So I think that anything new I do will cause everyone in my life to leave me, which is absurd. But that's something that arises for me a lot. So I sit with it. And I assure myself that I'm safe, and that I'm always going to be here. I'm always going to be here for myself. I've got my own back, we are so much more supportive than we give ourselves credit for. You're never alone. You have your own back, and you have God. God is always there for you. God is always cheering you on. The word God makes you uncomfortable, the universe is always cheering you on the quantum field is always cheering you on. Source is always cheering you on. Life is always cheering you on. Life wants you to live up to your greatest potential. And it sounds like you dream of starting this business. And I find that dreams are a sign of something we want to bring into this world, I believe any dream we have can be manifest. I have a friend Erica Warneke. She's Hollywood success coach, she has a book meant for this that I recommend for anybody with a dream who's afraid to pursue their dream. Her book is not just for Hollywood people, it's about how all dreams are possible, and how so many of us have these roadblocks you've talked about. So I recommend that you check out her book, if that sounds like something that would interest you. So as I mentioned, one saying your fears out loud to men for this by Eric Hornick. Three, I want you to flip your script. So you're falling into your thought patterns around your fears. And what I want you to do is write down all your fears around starting a business, and to write the sentence and an affirmation and take this fear and to flip it to its opposite and write an affirmation that would serve you. So for example, with my fear that everyone would leave me and everybody would hate me if I started a course, I can flip this to I am attracting the people who are meant for me into my life. As I follow my divine guidance. For you, it sounds like why would anyone ever listen to you, you could flip this to every time I step into my new business, I am aligned with my divine purpose. Every time I pursue this dream of starting a new business, I am showing up. For those who are meant to hear me, it sounds like you could have a fear of not being good enough. And so I am not good enough to start this business too. I am excited to share my gifts with the world. Every time I share my gifts with the world, I am blessing the world, or have a fear of showing up right, I honor my heart with every step I take towards this new business. Every time I show up to my dreams, I am modeling to others, that they can follow their dreams. So there's so many different affirmations you could do. But I invite you to write down your fears and to flip the script. So to write the opposite, and to write these fears and turn them into affirmations that can support you along your journey. And I just want to bring in the fact that you've been comparing yourself to other people on social media, and how this is so common. We all do this, but we all have to stop doing this. Because your authentic gifts aren't going to look like anyone else's. Your business isn't going to be the same as anyone elses. 10 people could start a T Shirt Company and every t shirt is going to be different they're not going to be the same And I learned this through writing, I'm working on a Christmas movie, right 10 People could be working on Christmas movies, they're all going to be different. We can even each be given the same premise. So the same logline, the same setup, and they're all still going to be different, because our unique gifts and our unique voice, and our authentic expression is going to come through these creations. And I don't know what your business is, it could be super technical, or it could be creative. But your creativity comes through either way. Even if you start a tax firm, or a law firm, your own creativity comes through, what is your mission statement? What is your purpose? What do you value? What do you bring to the table, all of that is unique to you. So I really am cheering you on, I really hope you start this business. And I'm really proud of you for becoming aware that you had a lot of fears. And I invite you to start looking at these fears, and to realize that the fear will never go away. That's something I become more and more okay with, with everything I do is that, instead of letting fear stop us from our next steps, we just have to become okay with fear. That fear is always going to be there. It's a safety mechanism. It's just part of the human experience. We feel fear. When we do something new. We feel fear around change, and that's okay. It's okay to be fearful. I do not aspire to be fearless. I aspire to have a healthy relationship with fear, to not allow fear to stop me from taking the next steps in my journey. So I hope something in this answer helped. And I'm cheering you on. And I love you so much. Thank you for this question.
Amanda Durocher [outro] 36:40
Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of New View Advice. I'm so grateful to everyone who tunes in and is as passionate about the healing journey as I am, and is dedicated to doing the inner work. So thank you so much. I just wanted to do a quick resource Roundup, which I like to do at the end of each episode to sum up the resources and tools I recommended for moving forward with comparison and healing your relationship with comparison. So one, we talked a lot about social media today, I invite everyone to do a social media break, too. I invite you to start looking at your comparison and becoming curious about this comparison in your life. What is trying to tell you if it's trying to tell you anything and becoming aware of how you feel around that comparison. How do you feel when you're in comparison? How do you feel jealous, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, become aware of your relationship with comparison. Three I invite you to look into and possibly read the defining decade. This is especially if you're in your 20s if you're older than that it might not be a good fit for you. For I invite you to speak your fears out loud to someone or your judgments or your thoughts around comparison out loud to a trusted family member or trusted friend. I invite you to invite your friend to do this with you as well or therapist if you have one. And to speak these fears out loud. There's so much healing that happens when we are seen in our vulnerability scene in our fears. This is a big teaching of Brene browns. Five, I invite you to read Meant for This by Erica Wernick. It is a great book to help you look at your fears and blocks around pursuing your dreams. And I invite you to flip your fears. So to write down your fears and to write affirmations to help you flip your mindset change your mindset. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of newView advice. I am so grateful and happy every time we get to connect across the heart waves. If you haven't already, I invite you to leave a rating and a review of the podcast on Apple podcasts. I'm hoping to reach 30 reviews by my 30th birthday. And that is the first week of November. So if you feel called I invite you to scroll to the bottom on Apple or if you have an iPhone to open the apple podcasts app. Apple's the only one that does reviews right now. And to scroll to the bottom of the new view advice page and to leave a five star rating and a review. That would mean so much to me. It would be a beautiful birthday present. Thank you again for joining me, Amanda Durocher for another episode of New View Advice. As always, I'm so grateful to be here with you and to offer a new view on whatever you may be going through. See you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
