11: Jobs, Careers, and Finding Fulfillment: Advice on Burnout and How to Know When It’s Time to Switch Careers
On average, people spend 30% of their lives working. Because of this, it is so important to find a career that is fulfilling and can bring you happiness.
This post contains affiliate links to some of my favorite tools and resources. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Full terms & conditions here.
In this episode, you will learn about:
How to start healing from burn out
How to know when it’s time to switch careers
How to start reflecting on why you may be unhappy with your job
How to start healing from a 24/7 job
Healing from Teacher Burn Out
What to do when you find yourself unhappy in your first job
Why it’s time to stop listening to your parents and to take personal responsibility
Why your happiness is your own responsibility
Questions to reflect on related to your career, job, and fulfillment
Episode References:
Article referenced: What Percentage of Our Lives Are Spent Working?
Articles on the Average American Savings
Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
Becoming Supernatural: How Common People are Doing the Uncommon by Dr. Joe Dispenza
Lauren Lowder (TikTok: Lauren Lowder)
Protect your Energy Prayer: Guidance of the highest truth and compassion, please help me release any energy I may have picked up and retrieve any energy I may have lost. (Repeat this a few times outloud or in your head until you feel more at peace)
How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LePera
The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein
Free Resource Corner
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
9:36 Listener Question 1
24:56 Listener Question 2
38:38 Listener Question 3
Have you followed and left a review for New View Advice?
Let me know what you think of the podcast! Podcast followers and ratings help bring new listeners to the show, as well as help me to continue creating content. So if you enjoyed the show, I’d love to ask you to follow and leave a rating on your podcasting platform by:
Head to New View Advice on Apple or Spotify
Click Follow on your podcasting platform
Scroll down (or when promoted) click the 5 star rating!
-
This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Otter. Please forgive any typos or errors.
Amanda Durocher 0:00
Welcome to New View Advice, a safe place for you to ask your most vulnerable questions about life, relationships, healing, and so much more. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher. And I believe our fears and traumas are often what holds us back from living life to the fullest. Join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever is holding you back from being your best self. Let's get started. Hi, there beautiful souls. My name is Amanda and this is New View Advice. If you're new here, this is a podcast where I answer listener questions about life, relationship, healing, and so much more. For today's topic, we are discussing jobs and careers, and what to do when you find yourself unhappy in your job. So all three questions are from listeners who are in different circumstances, but have found themselves unhappy in their careers and unsure of what to do. So I'm excited to dive into this topic. I'm really passionate about everyone finding a job, a career, a path, a life's work that they're passionate about. So a few of these questions go into burnout. I think that in today's society, burnout very early is very common because of the constant connection we have. So so many bosses and work environments promote 24/7 contact, which I personally think is very unhealthy. And a lot of people find themselves working more than a 40 hour workweek. So before this episode, I Googled how much does somebody actually work in their life. And according to reference.com, if you work a 40 hour workweek throughout your life, you will work for 30% of your life. So that's 25 to 30 years of your life will be spent working. And that's only based on the 40 hour workweek. And as many of you know, so many people are working more than a 40 hour work week with the expectation to answer emails and phone calls outside of the office. So as I mentioned, I'm really passionate about people finding what they love to do in life or finding a career that works for them instead of works against them. So I think that our society has put so much pressure on what do you do, how much money do you make, and that your work, life has to look a certain way. And so many of us identify with our careers as if our careers are us. So we put so much pressure and so much validation externally onto this job when your job really isn't who you are. So I'm really passionate about this topic. And a quick intro about me. I graduated from Boston University. And then I got a job in marketing. And I felt like up until that point, I did all the steps that I was told you were supposed to do. So my parents, teachers, guidance counselors, professors, they outlined the steps for me, and I was never sure if they were for me, but going from childhood into adulthood, following what adults are telling me, I'm still trusting that the adults in my life are guiding me on the right path. And when I got that job in marketing at 2223, I was miserable. I hated it. And I tried to talk to people about it. And I kept getting, oh, you'd got to stay in it for two years. Give it two years, or Oh, yeah, you know, that's adulthood or get work in for the weekend. And all these answers and all these people around me, I started to realize weren't happy in their own jobs. So I was working with people who weren't happy. I was friends with people who weren't happy in their jobs. And adults in my life weren't happy in their jobs. And I realized I was taking advice from people who weren't happy. And this really clicked for me when my friend died in my early 20s. So for me that really woke me up. And it really made me start to question everything and maybe start questioning who I was listening to. It made me start to question the patterns I had fallen into. And I realized that going to college, and getting a job was a program was a pattern was something I was told to do by others was not something I actually wanted for myself. So what I mean by that is that this was something I was told to do. And I hadn't really asked myself what I wanted. And I started going to therapy after my friend died, and I realized I wanted to be an actress. So did I have any acting training? Nope. Did I know anything? Did I know why? No, but my soul, my heart, my inner knowing that inner child wanted to be an actress. And I decided to take the leap of faith and moved to Los Angeles to be an actress. And let me tell you, people thought I was nuts. I got a lot of negative feedback. And I moved to LA to be an actress. And then I realized I hated acting. But along the way I discovered screenwriting, which is the love of my life. I am a storyteller at heart. I realized now that I have lived in fantasy worlds I have lived in make believe worlds in my imagination since I was a child. So as someone who had a traumatic childhood and for me
My coping strategy was to live in my imagination. And it was a coping strategy. But it also came so naturally to me, my imagination is my gift, I can create a world and characters and I can entertain myself for days on end, in my imagination. So I share all this because my path wasn't linear. I didn't stick with the job out of college, I didn't do what everybody else does. But by taking risks by facing my fears, because the other thing when I moved to LA to be an actress, moving across the country on what people call a pipe dream, when I got to LA, I realized I was the least of my fears I had to overcome, I was thrown so many new fears I would have never known I had, I was able to overcome so many new challenges by moving across the country, and being actress and starting screenwriting and starting this podcast, I realized with everything I do, and every new step I take, and every risk I take on myself, I'm faced with a lot more fears that I wouldn't have known I had, that I wouldn't have had the ability to overcome. And every time I overcome a new fear, I get closer to my true self, I get closer to what I really want in life. And things become more clear. It's like having a closet full of clothes. And there's like three items you like in there. But there's 100 clothes, and you have to clear out all those clothes to find the ones you like, find the ones who look good, and the ones who feel sexy. And so the point of this story that's longer than I expected it to be is that we have to start normalizing in our society taking risks on ourselves, and not settling. You deserve to be happy. You deserve everything you've ever wanted. You deserve for all your dreams to come true. And you deserve to be fulfilled, and have a life full of meaning whatever that is for you. Everyone's different. And that's what's so amazing is that everybody's gifts, when they come together will create a beautiful world, when we all embrace our gifts, and everybody's gifts will be different, that there's room for everybody's gifts, there's room for everybody's dreams to come true, we have to stop settling, we have to stop telling ourselves that our dreams are crazy. They're not you deserve everything you've ever wanted. And I'm here to help you get there. And I'm here to cheer you on. Because I want to be your cheerleader as you take risks on yourself. And by choosing a path that people don't understand by choosing a career path by quitting a job that people might think is your only choice. Or people might say you're crazy for quitting because you make so much money by choosing you. That's what I want for you. I want you to choose you because you deserve to choose yourself. Because what I think happens in careers is that so many people do what I did, and they follow steps that they've been told by parents, by teachers, by professors, by adults, by society, and they find themselves unhappy, and then they don't know what to do because their entire life, they have been listening to external advice, external validation, someone outside of you telling you what to do. And what adulthood is to me, is starting to listen to yourself to being yourself and respecting yourself and respecting your own heart. And if you're crazy unhappy in your job listening to that, what if we stopped punishing our emotions stopped punishing our bodies? And we started listening to say your jobs making you depressed? Angry, confused, sad? What if we took that as Intel? What if we started to ask ourselves? Hmm, why am I feeling like this? What am I trying to communicate to myself? What is my body trying to tell me here? What if we started listening to that instead of ignoring numbing, using the coping strategies I mentioned in the last episode? What if we started listening to ourselves, respecting ourselves and believing in ourselves? So today's discussion is really going to be about how you can start asking yourself for that internal guidance, how you can start listening to what you are telling yourself and start listening to your inner world, and how you can start communicating with yourself to figure out what your next step is. Because the best advice I can give you is that the more you change, the more unexpected things you do, the more risks you take, the more you do. That's not the same as yesterday, the more your life will change. You are responsible for changing your own life. No one is responsible for doing that for you. And you're responsible for your own happiness. No one else is responsible for that. That is your job. So with that, let's jump on in.
Amanda Durocher [listener question] 9:41
Dear new view advice, I'm almost 30 And all I do is work. I'd like what I do if it was a nine to five but being expected to respond at all hours of the day. 24/7 has left me burnt out exhausted and oftentimes depressed. I can rarely find time to work out or see friends.
Everyone says I should be happy and to stop complaining because I make money and have a good job. I've tried asking my parents for advice, but they repeatedly tell me how proud they are of Me. I worked really hard to get where I am in my career, I think about quitting every day, but don't know what I would do if I quit. I can't start over again. At my age, did I waste my 20s? What should I do? Thank you for this question. I think that this is a very relatable question, especially here in 2021, where I think so many people are expected to be on the clock 24/7 and respond to emails at the beck and call of managers, supervisors, bosses, etc. So thank you so much for this question. The first thing I want to say to you is that you are way too hard on yourself, my friend, you are doing just fine. Take a deep breath, and know that you did not waste your 20s you can start over whenever you want to start over. It is not too late for you. I am so sorry. You feel that way. And I am so sorry, you're so hard on yourself. And it sounds like you have fallen into the pattern of doing everything you're supposed to do. And guess what? You're still unhappy. I think that so many people find that. So I think it's very relatable, and all too common for people to follow in their parents footsteps or follow the directions of like I said earlier, parents, teachers, professors, adult and then find themselves unhappy because they never were taught to listen to themselves. They were never taught how to ask themselves questions, we were always taught how to ask others for questions and how to follow what others tell us to do. And oftentimes, when we were young, when we were children, we would voice what we wanted to do, or we would voice our beliefs. And we were told we were children, that we were silly that we were stupid, Oh, get your head out of the clouds. And our real feelings and our real beliefs. And our real dreams were diminished, and our light was dimmed by others. And what I want to tell you is that this often happens because the other people in our life did not follow their own inner guidance either. So so many adults today, so many parents didn't follow their own guidance. So then they don't teach their children how to follow guidance. So many adults live in shame and regret, for the choices they've made. And career is one of them. And they justify their actions. And they convinced the world that they made the right choices because they need to convince themselves. So you saying Did I wasted my 20s You did not waste your 20s, my friend, you are on the path. And you are finally listening to yourself. Because you have looked to other people, and they're not giving you the answer you want to hear I mean, that's honestly what I'm getting. If you're asking me this question after asking your parents and talking to other people, to me, you are looking for someone to tell you to quit your job, you're looking outside of you for someone to tell you what to do. And I'm not going to be that person either. I'm not going to tell you what to do. But I am going to tell you to start listening to yourself. I am going to give you some advice and some questions that you need to start asking yourself, and we're going to start that conversation with your priorities. So you're going to take out a piece of paper, and you're going to write what you want in life. What do you want? What are your priorities? Do you want a loving family? Do you want to be the boss? Do you want to fucking kill it in your career? What do you want? Do you want to make a shit ton of money? That's fine. If you do you know we like shame people for that. That's fine. Just is that your goal? Are you making a lot of money and you're unhappy? Because that's not where your priority lies? Do you want really good friendships? Do you want time to work out? Do you want to start a creative endeavor? What do you want? I want you to write three priorities. What are your top three priorities in life? I want you to close your eyes and envision you are 80 years old. What are the three things you want to say you've done in your life? Is it loved more people? Is it give back? What is it you want? And then I want you to look at those top three things. Ask yourself if you're doing anything to support yourself in those is the job you have supporting these three priorities, because you're still young, and you're still able to start a new career. And the truth is you're not starting over. In the past 10 years you've been working or maybe a little less, maybe a little more, you have gained valuable knowledge, valuable skills. So for example, with me with working in marketing, and I hated it, I gained a ton of skills that I actually use towards this podcast. So the marketing skills I gained the Microsoft suite knowledge I gained the talking to people the comfort in my skin, I really got it my nine to five job, PowerPoint, Task Managers. I gained so many skills from that job that helped me be a better business woman today. That helped me with my writing that helped me with this podcast. So I'm so thankful for that path. I'm so grateful for that job. So that's my second piece of advice to you is to start to look at the job you have
Amanda Durocher 15:00
Have with gratitude, you need to change your mindset. So many of us are in jobs we hate. And we just focus on the negative aspects of it. Because you may need to quit your job. And since you said you made good money, you might have the opportunity that a lot of people don't have, you may be able to quit your job and figure things out and take that risk on yourself and take some of your savings and get to know yourself. Or you might not feel comfortable doing that. And that's fine, too. We do live in a world where things cost money, where we have rent, where we have to pay for groceries, and there's all these things we have to do. So while you're still in this job, you need to start becoming grateful for it. What has it taught you with doors? Has it opened? Who were you 10 years ago? Where are you now, the money you have? Right? Be grateful for all the money you've made? Are you able to save that's incredible, it is scary how many Americans don't save, I saw an article last week, and I'll try to link it in the show notes I can't find out right now. But an incredibly low number of Americans have a savings. And if you do have a savings, that is something be super grateful for is it necessarily a reason to stay in your job. Now, you have to decide your priorities. And if you are giving up a piece of your soul in this job, if you're working 24/7, and you don't have time for yourself, you don't have time to work out, you don't have time for friendships, and say relationships with others is a priority for you. It may be time for you to quit, but you can still be grateful as you look for a new job. And for you, I want you to if you decide to look for a new job, if you decide that that's the path you want to go, don't put so much pressure on this new job. If you're miserable enough in your current job, that you need to find a new job just because you're unhappy and you're depressed, it can't get worse, right? You got to stop thinking that the next job has to be the job. With every job you have, you will gain knowledge and knowing what you don't want for the rest of your life is knowledge. That is invaluable knowledge. Right. So I think so many of us put pressure on the decision we make in college or out of high school that that job we do has to be it. It does not have to be there are so many jobs out there that we don't know of as college grads as high school grads, there are so many opportunities we've never heard of. So how are you supposed to know what you want to do for your life if you don't know your options, and the more we work, the more we learn of different jobs. And that's cool. That's information, we have to stop settling for unhappiness, there are so many jobs out there, and you can start applying for new jobs at any point in time. Okay, so take the pressure off yourself that it's too late for you to start over. You're not starting over, you have invaluable knowledge already from this job you've had, you're not starting from square one, you know so much about yourself. If you start asking yourself, What did you like about your current job? What did you not like about your current job? What excites you what doesn't? What part of it makes you depressed what part of it makes you excited, because you said you liked what you did if it was nine to five. So there's parts about your job you do like and that is information to gather, you also may be able to find the same type of job you have at a different firm. To me our job systems a little broken. I think it's insane that anybody is expected to respond 24/7 Everyone needs a work life balance. Even people like me who choose their own creative endeavors. I never feel like I'm doing enough because there's just always something I could be doing with screenwriting or this podcast. And I still have to make sure I prioritize time off. And I mean, I'm really blessed because I get to create my own schedule. But I still feel the pressures of society that's telling you you're never doing enough. That's like the message we're always getting, we're always getting the message, you're never doing enough, you could always be doing more. So let's just all listening to this breathe in and breathe out and take that off our shoulders. That unrealistic pressure, that we're never doing enough. And let's start telling ourselves, I am always in the right place at the right time. And things are always working out for me. My life flows with ease and grace. When you catch yourself in the negative thought pattern, I want you to throw in an affirmation, one of these affirmations if you watch the movie, the secret I think it's on Netflix. It might not be on Netflix anymore, but I watched it about a month ago. And there are people who talk about how they have miserable job experiences. And they honestly just started changing their energy and their job got better. The power of the mind is so incredible. So back to you being grateful about this job. Whenever you find yourself working with a difficult colleague working really late, just catch yourself. If you find yourself in a negative thought spiral. You have to start throwing gratitude into your work. Because if you're depressed, that gratitude is lacking from your life, and that's okay. Don't judge yourself for that. That's so common in our society and just start slowly implementing gratitude. So for you a third thing I want you to do is to start journaling
And to ask yourself where these beliefs came from, because your question has a lot of limiting beliefs in it. The belief that you could have wasted your 20s is a limited belief. That's impossible, you did not waste your 20s. And you're very young. And you need to ask yourself why you feel like if you were to start a new career now, what that would mean? Would that make you a failure? Would that make you stupid? Would that make you wrong? Would that make you irresponsible? What are you telling yourself? That is untrue? Because all those things are untrue. I can tell you that the screenwriting program I took at UCLA, I was one of the youngest people in it. Okay, I met so many people who are older than me so many people in their 30s 40s 50s 60s, who were in other careers and decided that they wanted to start screenwriting, I met lawyers, I met doctors, I met artists, I met graphic designers, I met marketers, I met teachers who decided to take a risk on themselves. It doesn't mean they quit their day jobs. But they decided to pursue a dream light hat, you are never too late. There are so many success stories of people who start a career late in life a second career, you're never too late, my friend, you're exactly where you're supposed to be, you are learning, you know, take the lessons from this job, take the lessons about how you are treated at this job. And if you don't want to be treated like this going forward, set that as a standard for yourself. Set that boundary when looking for new jobs, I promise you that society puts way too much pressure on work, and having to stay at a job and what it means your happiness is so important. Your fulfillment is so important. Your happiness and fulfillment is more important than any paycheck, I can promise you that money will never bring you happiness without the internal work. It is time for you to listen to yourself. And the first place you can start is with what this job is teaching you. And what this job is telling you. And what you want moving forward, a book I recommend for you is breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. And for those of you who don't know about Dr. Joe, he's amazing. And he's all about how we're creators of our own realities, and how, when we start doing something different, even taking a different drive to work, or trying a new coffee shop, we open up the possibility for the universe to bring in miracles, for our lives to change. So to sum up, what I want you to do, I want you to make a list of priorities for yourself. And I want you to figure out what your priorities are in life. What do you want, in the next 50 years, 30 years, 10 years, five years, start looking at it, I want you to start connecting with yourself, I want you to start being grateful for what you have and where you're at, to inserting gratitude into your daily life and at your job. And so this could start with a gratitude list in the morning, listing everything you're grateful for. And all the lessons you're learning and focusing on the lessons you're gathering and using your job as a classroom. So if somebody's talking to you in a way you don't like, use it as an opportunity to set boundaries to speak up for yourself. Use it as a classroom, I really think that that could help you as well. I want you to read Dr. Joe's book, breaking the habit of being yourself. I think that that book or his book becoming supernatural, read the bios of both, and figure out which one's best for you. I think those are both his best books. I think breaking the habit of being yourself is a great starter. But for me becoming supernatural is my personal favorite of his books, and be kind to yourself. And I just think that if you start journaling, that that can be a really great practice for you too. Because I think that you are a little disconnected from yourself. And that's okay. We're all taught to be disconnected from ourselves. We're all thrown all these solutions to our own problems. And none of them are sitting with ourselves and getting to know ourselves. So I want you to start journaling about where these beliefs came from. Why maybe you don't trust yourself and getting in touch with that inner child. Because what I also believe, that I didn't touch on yet is that you be miserable and depressed at work. Your inner child is trying to talk to you, your inner child is upset with where you're at. And you need to get in touch with that inner child because the truth is, our inner children never leave. So our healthy relationship with an inner child is bringing that inner child into our daily lives, bringing that innocence that playfulness, that creativity into our work, if possible. If not, it's leaving time for that every day. Because you deserve to play you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. And I promise you, my friend, that if you start choosing yourself and you start talking to yourself and you start respecting yourself, your life will change. But that starts with you. I love you
Amanda Durocher [listener question] 25:01
Dear New View Advice. I feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis. I'm a teacher, and I love my students. There are days that I feel like this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. But then on other days, I just can't do it anymore. I was feeling this way before the pandemic. And now with all the changes of my school over the past year, closing, reopening and guideline changing all the time, my job has become 10 times more stressful, I'm burnt out, all I do is give all day every day, and I get nothing in return. I can't take care of myself, I don't have any energy for my boyfriend, and I feel bad. But oftentimes, I just want to sit on my couch and watch TV. I have no energy outside of school, and I'm finding it really hard to take care of myself. I think about quitting all the time. But I do love my students. What should I do? Thank you for writing in. I think this is a very relatable question. I think a lot of teachers probably hit this in the past year and may have felt this way beforehand. And I think that this is a really relevant topic. I've talked to friends who are teachers who have similar feelings to you. And I think that how you're feeling is really valid. And I just want you to honor that. And I also want to thank you for being a teacher, I think teachers don't get enough gratitude and praise for what they do. Teaching. The youth is incredible. That takes patience, love, compassion, and it's not for the faint of heart. So thank you for all that you do. I am so grateful to you for all that you do. So thank you. So I want to start this question with acknowledging your feelings. So you're feeling burned out sounds like you're probably pretty stressed. It sounds like you're overwhelmed and unhappy. And all that's real. And if you have hit a burnout point, and you feel like quitting all the time, you don't have any energy to take care of yourself, and you don't have time for your partner, you have hit a breaking point. So I hope today can be the day that you can really acknowledge that and see that it might take a few more weeks, months years. But I pray that you can see that where you are at is showing you that it's time to make a change. So I don't know what that change is, we're going to talk about how you can start to bring awareness to this. Because only you will know what's best for you. And only you will know if teaching is still the best fit for you. Or if it's time for you to take a new road and a new direction. I don't know the answer for that. But I do know that it's time for you to start honoring how you're feeling. And just start seeing yourself and start giving yourself compassion. Because you said all you do is give and give, and you get nothing in return. So now it's time really, really time for you to give to yourself. So I think so many of us find that through our job, not just teachers, but a lot of us that we stopped taking care of ourselves. So our job comes before us. And to me this is backwards, you can only give the most your partner give the most to a job give the most to your kids, if you come first. So what we all need to prioritize is ourselves. This is not selfish. This is self love, is something we're not taught in school, this is something our parents don't teach us. But the truth is, you need to put you first. So it sounds like you're lacking boundaries, and some self love and some self respect. And you need to start putting yourself before your student, it's just the fact you will be able to be a better teacher if you put yourself first. And that might feel impossible. And then it may be time for you to find a new job. And that might feel so scary. Because when you go to school for teaching what else is there, and I can totally relate to that. And I'm not telling you to quit your job. I'm just telling you to start really seeing how much you have given but not to yourself and how it's time to give to yourself. Okay, so there's this woman on Tiktok, who when I was doing research, I found her name is Lauren louder. And she has started a tutoring business that she started while she was teaching. And she teaches other teachers how to transition from the classroom to tutoring. Because she has found and helped so many other teachers transition because what you're feeling is real. And I don't know how much is talked about in the teacher community that you're in, but through my research teacher burnouts, real, and you are dealing with a different teaching environment than anyone has ever dealt with before, especially with this year of the pandemic. And with the switching from in classroom learning to zoom learning some of the horror stories I read. Again, I really honor teachers for putting up with some of the stuff that has happened in the past year and some of the stuff that students and parents do. So you don't have to compare yourself to older generations. You have to do what's best for you right now. So a lot of us ask our parents for advice. And the truth is our parents grew up in a different time. The world is changing. My children will live in a completely different time than mine. And some of my advice might not be relevant, but my goal is to teach you how to get in tune with you because you
You will have the answers to what you need. Your soul is in there, and it's trying to talk to you. And those thoughts about quitting. And that feeling of burnout is your body talking to you about what's really going on. And the more you drop in to yourself, you're going to see that. So I want you to start journaling, about what you love about teaching and what you don't just start with that. Start seeing if there's more pros than cons. And just taking a look at that list. Right? bringing awareness to that what is it you love about teaching? What is it that you don't love about teaching? So that's just starting to bring awareness. Other ways you can start bringing awareness are, what are ways you are lacking in boundaries? Are you checking your email after hours? Do you need to check your email after hours? Are you going into the classroom too early? Are you staying too late? Are you working weekends? Do you have to work weekends, you know, just start figuring out if you have boundaries are you giving more than you need to so are you going above and beyond, which is great, but you cannot go above and beyond if you are not going above and beyond for yourself first. So if you're going above and beyond and answering way too many emails on off hours and aren't exercising, eating well, meditating, journaling, taking baths, watching movies, spending time with your partner or going on dates, then you need to start prioritizing you. Also for teachers, and for anyone in a job where they work with children or a lot of people. I'm going to give you an energetic technique that I use when I leave the house that I got from Gabby Bernstein, I don't remember if it was from one of her books, or one of her podcasts. If you're not familiar with Gabby, she writes intro to spirituality books. She also has a podcast called Dear Gabby's. So if you want to check out another advice podcast, I recommend her podcast. And she's great. And she makes the intro to spirituality, the intro to energy, very simple. So what she taught me is that as empaths, we can pick up on other people's energy. So if you find yourself super overwhelmed in the classroom, just take a minute breathe and say inside your head or out loud guidance of the highest truth and compassion, please help me release any energy I may have picked up and retrieve any energy I may have lost. Let me say that again. Guidance of the highest truth and compassion, please help me release any energy I may have picked up and retrieve any energy I may have lost. So for me, this was life changing as an empath. And when I started using this prayer, some of the crazy thoughts in my head would start to subside after I said this because they weren't mine. So if you're a teacher, and you're really empathic, and you're picking up on other people's energy, it's really important for you to reset your energy. So this is a prayer for you to reset that energy. And this is you telling yourself, telling your mind and body to reset, and to release anything you may have picked up. And I recommend at first saying this multiple times throughout the day, and you might notice a difference or you might not. And if you don't notice a difference, those could just be all your anxious thoughts, if you start to see a difference, you could be picking up on your students energy, and that could really be draining you. So as a teacher, it's really important to set boundaries and to set energetic boundaries. And we don't really talk about that. But for me as really empathic person and as a human design reflector, I pick up on people I'm in the room with, okay, it's just it's like my actual human design. So I can tell you how other people are feeling. But I used to not know that I was picking up on other people's feelings. So I would just be like, I'm anxious. I'm sad. Now, why am I angry, and it wasn't mine. So the more boundaries I've created for myself, the more awareness and the more I've dropped into my body, the more I can see the difference between my field and somebody else's. So I say that for anybody that might help. If you haven't started working with your energy field, I recommend starting with a simple practice like that. Just saying that in your head to yourself. And just seeing what happens, just start reading that boundary. And another way to do this is to see how you feel before the students enter the room. And seeing how you feel when the students enter the room. Does it start to get more chaotic? Do you start to like feel like you're more anxious or more sad? Or are you picking up things from certain students, right, starting to bring awareness to if you are picking up other people's energies. And this goes for anybody who works in an office setting and finds themselves surrounded by people all day. I think that a lot of times as empaths, we pick up on other people's feelings, and we don't know what to do with it. And we don't always know that it's someone else's. So a way you can start doing that is with this prayer. And I'll just say it one more time, guidance to the highest truth and compassion. Please help me release any energy I may have picked up and retrieve any energy I may have lost. So that's just a quick thing for you to start playing with, to see if you create an energetic boundary around yourself if you're able to have more energy and to not feel like you're giving so much of yourself up throughout the teaching day. So I want you to start journaling about your job what you like about teaching why you went into teaching, just surfing awareness around your job and why it's making you unhappy and the parts that make you happy. I want you to start working on your energetic field and energetic boundaries. And I want you to start finding time to love yourself. Just practice self love, because you said you give every day. And it's really important for you to start prioritizing yourself. And the only way it's going to happen is if you start prioritizing yourself today, right? It gets so easy for us to make excuses. But we have five to 10 minutes. Look at your screen time on your cell phone. How much time do you spend on Instagram, how much time you spent on Tiktok? How much time do you spend on your cell phone, you have time to spend five to 10 minutes in the morning or right before you go to bed doing a gratitude list journaling connecting with your inner child doing a meditation, it's so important for you to start prioritizing yourself. Because like I said, the more you prioritize yourself, the more fulfilled you'll feel, the more you'll be able to give back to others. Because right now you're just giving too much of yourself. So this burnout, you may need to find a new job because it may be impossible for you to stay in teaching. Or you just need to start prioritizing yourself setting boundaries. I think a lot of teachers are givers. You don't go into teaching for the money, let's be real. So you're wanting to help children, that's beautiful. But the giving can be mixed up with people pleasing. And with not prioritizing ourselves, a lot of people can give too much this isn't uncommon. So you're gonna have to find a balance on how to take care of yourself and how to give. So if you're feeling like you don't know where to start three books that I would recommend for you. And I would recommend reading the BIOS and seeing what resonates the most for you, if you haven't read these would be as I mentioned to the previous person breaking the habit of being yourself. So looking at the importance of changing things in your day to day life, and how by getting out of that pattern of living on autopilot, you can start to make changes in your life, you can start to see your patterns, and you will see changes in your life, and the truth of how we are all responsible for our own lives. So that's a great starter book or his book becoming supernatural. I also mentioned Gabby Bernstein. Her book, the universe has your back, transforming fear to faith is a great intro to spirituality a great intro to self love, self compassion, and starting to look at yourself book. And the third book would be how to do the work by Dr. Nicola para. And it's another great intro book to doing the work to healing. Because you have such a big heart to be a teacher, you do. And I think teaching can make people get a little jaded along the way, because it's not what you think it is. So many careers aren't what we think it is. But teaching is one of those. And I think that everyone has healing work. But I think that as a teacher, it's important, since you're working with children to do the work to be aware of your own patterns, and to continue to do inner work alongside teaching. And I think that how to do the work is a great book for that. So I hope some of this helps. And as I said, I don't know what you should do, as in if you should stay at t shirt or not. But I do know that you should start bringing awareness, shopping into your body, bringing self care into your life setting boundaries with your students and with their parents, and loving yourself. You have a big heart to be a teacher. So it's just so important. You start using that heart and bringing that love inward and not just outward. And as I said, the more you love yourself, the more you'll be able to love others and the more love you'll be able to bring in this world. But it all starts with you loving yourself and choosing you first and trust me you are worthy of your heart's greatest desires. You are worthy of a life of fulfillment. You are worthy of a job you love. You do not have to settle. That is a lie of humanity that we have to settle for a certain job certain workplaces. The perfect job is out there for you. But you have to believe that and trust that first. I'm sending you all my love. Thank you for this question.
Amanda Durocher [listener question] 38:43
Dear New View Advice. I graduated from college a year ago and got a job right out of college. I started my job at the beginning of last year and was barely in the office before the world shut down. I spent a year working from home and found myself miserable. I didn't like my job, but thought it would be different when I returned to the office. Now that I'm in the office again, I find myself still miserable, and actually may have preferred working from home. I hate what I do. But everyone says that it's just because I just started and that after a few years, I'll find my niche and like it more. Is this true? Or is this what it means to grow up? Thank you for this question. As I mentioned, I can totally relate to this question. I had a similar experience where I graduated college got a job in marketing, and I hated it. I was miserable. I couldn't imagine doing it for the rest of my life. For me, it really took my friend dying for me to realize that I had a choice. So for anyone out there I hope it doesn't have to take a death or a traumatic incident. I hope that you can just see right now in the present that you don't have to settle for unhappiness. You don't have to settle for hating your job. You do not need to settle. This is where I disagree with a lot of people who will tell you to stick it out. I disagree. I think that you don't have to quit tomorrow.
But I think it's time for you to start taking responsibility for your own life. And when people tell you to settle, or people tell you not to quit, or people tell you, it'll get easier without knowing your internal world. That's not you taking responsibility for your own life, your job might get better, but you have to start paying attention to your internal world, nobody else knows you have to go within, right. So career is a great place to start going within and figuring out what works for us what doesn't. As I mentioned earlier, we spent 30% of our life working, it's important for you to be fulfilled, especially in 2021, there are so many more opportunities for you, there are so many opportunities for you to start your own thing, there are so many more job opportunities. And there are so many different types of businesses are so many different ways for you to play around and to contact people in different jobs. So if you have any idea of what you want to be doing, you can get on LinkedIn, and you can start contacting people in different roles, just informational interviews. So you do not have to settle for a job you hate. Use the word hate here. So that's why I'm getting really fiery, because you do not have to settle does not mean quit tomorrow, I know you got bills, and I got things to pay for. But it's time for you to take responsibility for your own life. So through my journey, I found what I love to do through taking risks and by facing my fears. And so for you, you need to start doing things that you want, not what your parents think you should be doing. Now your friends think you should be doing that with your partner, if you have once thinks you should doing what do you want to be doing? You got to get to know yourself. If you don't know the answer. If you don't know what you want to do with your life, that's just fine. You were so young, I didn't know I wanted to start a podcast until like six months ago. But after I did my healing journey, after I faced a ton of fears, all I wanted to do was give back. And I know that screenwriting and podcasting aren't gonna be the last things I create in this world. So you have right now, you do not need to worry about the future. But the information you have right now here in the present, is that you hate what you're doing that is valuable Intel, do not ignore it. Do not settle for the advice of others who hate what they do. Now, take it from somebody who loves what they do, you can find what you love to do to. It's not that if you choose to do what you want to do, choose what you love that it's going to be easy, okay. But as Glenn and Doyle says one of my favorite quotes is we can do hard things. And if you want to be happy, happiness is work. Hating Your life is easy. Living in hell on earth is easy. You want to create your own heaven on earth takes fucking work. And it's time for us all to take responsibility for our own lives. And to do that, and I'm so sorry, that the world hasn't taught you that I am so passionate about helping anyone to realize that in this present moment, you can change your life, you have the responsibility to yourself, to change your life right here right now. Stop waiting for tomorrow, stop waiting for a year from now. And change your life now. And how you change your life is with a thought with a new thought. By breaking an old negative thought pattern. You don't have to move across the country right now, all you have to do is stop lying to yourself. Stop being mean to yourself. And to change that one thought, if you're having trouble changing that thought to bring awareness to it, start bringing awareness to your thoughts, because that is going to change your life. I just want everyone to find what makes them feel fulfilled, and happy inside. Because I get people all the time who are like, Oh, I'm so jealous of you. There's nothing to be jealous of. Jealousy is an emotion of Intel. Jealousy tells you something you want. It is not about the person you're jealous of jealousy is about you. So if you're jealous of how much money someone has, if you're jealous, so somebody's content, if you're jealous, if somebody's job jealous of somebody traveling, it's all information for you to take in and to really sit with and be like, I'm jealous of that. That's something I want. How do I get more of that? How do I bring that into my life. So I want you to offer yourself compassion. And you did everything you were told to do. Most people follow the steps that are given to them. Because like I said, we're coming from childhood, and we're moving up into early adulthood. So we're still following the guidance of adults and parents. And nobody is teaching us how to start listening to ourselves. I didn't learn how to start listening to myself till my mid 20s. I didn't trust myself for a really long time, because throughout my entire childhood, everything I felt was told I was wrong. I completely disconnected from myself and disassociated because I was told everything about me was wrong. Every thought I had was wrong. Every belief I had was wrong, every emotion I had was wrong. And part of getting in tune with yourself is realizing that you were not wrong with certain things, certain beliefs, certain emotions, and forgiving those involved and forgiving yourself for turning away from yourself. So I just want to say you're in a great place. You have not wasted time. This is not going to be your life forever. But what you have to do is take responsibility. That's what it is to grow up, what it means to grow up. It's start taking responsibility for our own lives. So if I get anything across in this question, it's about being responsible for you. It's time for you to parent yourself. That's what being grown up is, it's learning to parent ourselves and learning that our parents are human. And that's okay. They're not perfect, they did the best they could, I can promise you that, how great or how horrible your parent was, they really were doing the best they could from wherever they were at. And they could have been traumatized themselves. So they might not have been the best parent, they could have addiction. So they might not be the best parent, but they're really doing the best they could from where they were at, but does not mean they were perfect. So it's time for you to take responsibility for your life. A lot of us are lost in our 20s. And our 20s are for being lost. And for finding ourselves. I was really hard on my 20s, my 20s were really rough, I did a lot of healing work. But now that I look back on my 20s, I'm so thankful for this decade, where I got to know myself where I got to heal, or I got to try things and fail, or I gotta face a lot of fears. Right, I got to learn the importance of listening to my internal guidance, I got to learn how to listen to my internal guidance. And how that happened was one morning at a time when meditation at a time when therapy session at a time. And my 20s is really a time I learned that I'm responsible for my own life. And the life I've created is beautiful. And I've never been so happy. It also has its challenges. It's also not perfect. And I also have a ton more goals and dreams that I'm yet to fulfill and achieve. But I am now at a place where I can be grateful for where I'm at. Or I always feel guided or I'm always supported. And I want that for you too. You know, what I've really discovered in my 20s is that, for me, what I learned was to be happy was I had to start doing things that a lot of other people don't do, a lot of other people don't understand. And I now realize that I don't have to justify anything as long as I am listening to my own heart. And I see a world outside that doesn't listen to their own hearts, that doesn't know how to connect with themselves. And the lie that is told to us is that we're supposed to always be perfect. Or that failure is a bad thing. Or that fear is a bad thing. Fear is not a bad thing. Fear is telling you something, fear is giving you the chance to overcome a fear. We don't have to be perfect. And I'm so sorry. If you think you have to be perfect. I used to be a bit of a perfectionist in certain ways, and would rebel against perfectionism in other ways. And that was a trauma response. And that's true for so many of us. And the best way to heal perfectionism is to start to look at where that comes from, to start to look at our parents relationship with perfectionism to start to look at the unrealistic expectations that may have been put on us as children, teens and young adults. And I right now realize I don't have to justify to anybody the life I live, because I know it's what's right for me. And this is all a really roundabout way of saying that. I know that it's possible for you and for everyone out there to find what they love. And it takes listening to your heart. And your life won't look like mine. And that's the beauty of it. We all have our own journeys to go on. And the journey, like I said, will include failures and rejection and fears. And that's okay, that's beautiful. That's part of life. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes you don't. But both are learning opportunities. And both are opportunities to be thankful for. I'm thankful for all my failures. I'm thankful for my path. There's nothing in my past that I'm not thankful for. If I went back, I can't see myself doing it differently. Because I would fear that I'd end up anywhere other than where I am right now. There's times I wish I got here quicker. But then I went to have had all the experiences I had. And the more you heal, the more you become in touch with yourself, the more I think you'll get there too. And so for you know that growing up is not hating your job and being miserable. Growing up is starting to be responsible for your life. And now that you're in the right place at the right time, you will look back on where you're at right now. And you will smile with gratitude. I promise. I hope something in this answer helped. I love you.
Amanda Durocher 49:29
Thank you for tuning in to another episode of new view advice. For this week's free resource corner. I am going to be linking resources and examples and different ways where you can create a vision board. vision boards are great resources. So everyone I believe should have a vision board. I like to make a new vision board every year. And there's different ways you can make them but have fun with it. So vision boards are a great one. If you're not sure what you want in the next year or the next five years, the next 10 years and start thinking about it and you can start really envisioning your future
Two vision boards are a great way to connect with your inner child, I always have so much fun making my vision board. They're colorful, they're fun, I get to dream big and put anything I want on them. And three, they are great tools to start meditating with, and help you to start visualizing that future you want because as I said, we are responsible for our own realities, we are responsible for our own futures. So you're responsible for creating that. So the first step is to visualize what you want to manifest what you want to bring into this world. vision boards are amazing. And if you're skeptical about creating a vision board, just view it as a fun activity to do and just allow yourself to dream, it's just such a great way to start getting in touch with that inner child to get in touch with that playful energy, that innocent energy because with these three questions, it's three people who are feeling a little lost a little hopeless, or feeling depressed or feeling down. And vision boards are great way to bring your energy up, they're a great way to start realizing that you're responsible for your life, realizing that there's so many outcomes that could happen, realizing that there's so much out there for you to create, and that you don't have to be in the circumstance forever. So I'm going to link different resources for vision boards, you can create one that can be a phone background, you can create one on paper, you can use magazines, or internet pictures, I'm going to link some vision board resources, some articles that explain the science behind vision boards, I hope that you have fun. If you create a vision board, please take a picture and send it to me, you can email it to me or you could tag me on social media @newviewadvice. I would love to see it and I would love to cheer you on as you embark on creating the reality that you deserve. Because you don't deserve to settle. You deserve everything you've ever dreamed of. And I promise if you start to tune into your inner world, all of that as possible. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of New View Advice. If you have a question you would like featured on a future episode, I would love to hear from you. And I would love for you to write in. So there's three ways where you can ask a question, you can fill out the form on my website at newviewadvice.com/question. Or you can email me at newviewadvice@gmail.com. Or you can message me on Instagram or Tiktok. I'll link all those in the show notes as well. If you didn't catch that, or you're not sure on any of the spelling. I'm so grateful for everyone who writes in receiving listener questions allows me to continue making episodes moving forward. So thank you to everyone who has written in a question. So thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of newbie advice. I'm so grateful to be here with you each week and to offer you a new view on whatever you may be going through. sending you all my love. See you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
